I Didn’t and Don’t Always Call Him Daddy #KOTW

purple sticker that says hello my name is for daddy dom

I remember the first time I wondered if John Brownstone might be a Daddy Dom. When I mentioned it to him, he laughed. Any time I thought about calling him “Daddy,” I got a squishy feeling in my stomach. It felt right but…What would people think? What did that say about me? Did I have Daddy issues?

To those who feel outrage that anyone’s personal actions might be inhibited by what other people think, get upset all you want but it doesn’t change my inherent personality. I’ve always been that type, and I have to work really hard to overcome it on certain things. (Although, discussing my own kinks, sex, and orgasms don’t seem to be an issue.) So yes, long before I called him “Daddy” I worried over it and pretended it wasn’t a thing for me. I blogged about it, when I first called him Daddy, and when I was still wrestling with the decision. But after years of growing more comfortable around the term Daddy, I’ve learned there’s more to it than a simple decision.

I Called Him “Sir” at First

For those who don’t know, I wasn’t always a giggly, silly babygirl and John Brownstone wasn’t always my indulgent Daddy Dom. Hell, he is still known as Southern Sir online in a variety of places, and many submissives (out of respect) refer to him as Sir. He called me “pet” which didn’t always feel right but it was familiar. He called me “little one” which to this day can make me blush and giggle. We also have a special, private name that he used to say during our most intimate moments.

To me, he was Sir. While familiar and comfortable, the title didn’t always fit. At least not to me. In my mind, a Sir was stern and disciplined, the silent type. John Brownstone was a laugher and a tease. He poked fun, told jokes, and delivered so many bad puns. (Oh God, the puns!) The more I learned about Daddy Doms, the more it seemed to fit. Note: A Dominant can have many, many traits and use any title they want. These observations are personal to us and were part of my evolution as his submissive.

My favorite story to tell (based on how often I tell it) is how we figured out that “Daddy” was his real name. Wanting to call him that had been on my mind a lot, but I was afraid. What if he rejected it? What if he laughed? Or got angry? So I did what any cheeky babygirl would do – I screamed it out during kinky sex. I figured if he didn’t like it, I could blame it on the heat of the moment. Instead, he fucked me harder than before. He became a wild man, so I said it again. And again. After that, he was Daddy and has been ever since.

I Don’t Always Call Him Daddy

Remember when I said earlier than I’m the type to worry about what other people think? It’s primarily a defense mechanism of not wanting to bring too much attention to myself. Negative attention, mostly. So no, I don’t call him “Daddy” in a lot of situations. Around the kids? Nope. Around my vanilla family? Not at all. Around other kinksters? Sometimes.

Kids and the family probably makes sense to everyone. My children know exactly who their father is, and they’re going to wonder why I’m calling the person they know as “Mr. John” by such a name. My mother vividly remembers me referring to my own father as Daddy sooooo that would be an awkward conversation I don’t want to have with her. Why not other kinksters, though? I’m not afraid of judgement, not at this point in our relationship. But I do have a reason…

Being a babygirl is my most vulnerable self. It doesn’t matter if I’m laughing or crying, allowing that part of me to show means you’re seeing my gooey center. One of my (many) defense mechanisms is to be sort of reserved when I first meet people – with notable exceptions. Using the name “Daddy” is one of my vulnerabilities. Need proof that I’m comfortable with you, the crowd, or my surroundings? Am I calling him Daddy or am I calling him John Brownstone?

What we call each other in D/s is inherently personal to each of us. The names we use are about the person we’re with and who we are together. After my first relationship where he was Sir and I was pet, I truly believed that I was a submissive who preferred the “Sir” title. Part of my education in D/s was learning that it’s not the title that matters. It’s what you feel, how you see your partner, and (as always) what works best for both people.

Yay for Kink of the Week (which I need to do more often)! The theme was names and titles which is a topic I’ve thought about many times over the years. For more and different views on the topic of names and titles, click below.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Thank you for sharing this, Kayla! We discovered that my husband is Daddy as well, and it just feels so right. It may not be for everyone, but it is definitely what works for us. I am definitely not comfortable calling him Daddy in front of my vanilla family, but last weekend when we were all camping together it just slipped out! Thankfully, no one seemed to really notice…I know they must have, but at least it didn’t get all awkward. My husband just smiled at me and kept right on with what he was doing. Baby girl moments 🙂

  • I fought with this for quite a while too. We definitely have elements of that in our relationship but I just can’t call him Daddy, it just makes me so uncomfortable. Don’t worry, I’m not against other people using it but I can totally understand your reluctance in certain situations.

    • I think part of my hesitation to use it around other people is because I know there are such strong reactions to it. But I know you’re not the type to have a problem with anyone else using it. 🙂

  • I read a post from a lady in a D/s relatioship ages ago. Her husband had been in the military and did NOT want to be called sir. So she asked for alternate titles and got a list. They were playing around one day and he had tied her up like a prisoner. At one point she replied yes, warden. He liked it so it stuck.

    I have jokingly called my dom/husband MasterDaddySir, SirDaddyMaster, etc, but mostly I call him Daddy unless I’m big and we’re being serious and then I say “Yes, Sir/No, Sir.”

    • Warden is a good one, I like that. I’ve used “Sir” when it’s a time for manners but not the time to say Daddy. Anything to avoid saying his actual name, lol.

  • Sometimes I call him Daddy but it is not a title that trips off my tongue (but I am glad he has found someone who does call him that, because he likes it) Unlike Daddy calling him Sir is something I feel able to do in public and in front of my kids which I explained to them when they asked as ‘like a nickname’ and me showing him respect. I can absolutely appreciate how Daddy does not work in that context though and why it is reserved for private times between you.


    • I think finding the title that trips off the tongue is amazing. It’s like there was this perfect name/title that fits that person, and you found it. I also think that someone can have multiple “perfect” names, too. 🙂

  • A lot of whah you said, and the evolution of using the title Daddy, is how I felt with Signs. It does make me feel vulnerable and gushy. I haven’t said it in front of too many ppl and I’m careful who I tell about that aspect of my relationship I’m verbal conversation. It feels special. I don’t know… I like what you said here a lot and agree

    • It feels special to me, too. And maybe that has to do with the evolution I had to go through to get there or because as natural as it feels, it also feels kinky as hell. Maybe it’s both. Who knows? But it works for us, and that’s all that matters. 🙂

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