In other words, I call him Daddy – do you have a problem with that?
For me to respond to something, anything, online completely unsolicited, it has to have pushed a button. This pushed my buttons. It wasn’t the statement so much as the tags the writer used. One being #eww. This was my response.
I actually broke out into a sweat about it. When I say I’m non-confrontational, I mean that I don’t ever just share my opinion with a complete stranger outside of my own turf. Here on the pages of my own paid-for website? Hell yeah. To something my friends or colleagues say on social media – in response to a question? Sure. In response to someone else, in an open forum? Hell no. But I did.
So why did I make what amounts to a fairly mild statement about the term “Daddy?” Because I’m tired of the double standard.
I called my ex-husband ‘baby’ and no one blinked an eye. But if the vanillas (definitely my own family) heard me call John Brownstone ‘Daddy,’ at best, I’d get strange looks and at worst, something would be said. Have I mentioned I detest confrontation?
Here’s the deal. I call my Dominant, my lover, the man I cherish above all others, “Daddy.”
I don’t have Daddy issues. My father, dead these 13 years was a good (albeit flawed) man. I was Daddy’s Girl. I adored that man and would give anything to have him back. I think he would respect John and would appreciate how good we are together. It would, however, be strange to me to have my daddy and my Daddy, but it’s wouldn’t stop me, either.
In the vanilla world he’s John or Mr. John (when I’m dealing with the boys since that’s the name they use for him). I say Mr. John so often that I sometimes slip and use it when we’re alone, too. I think it works well because it’s used as a sign of respect.
The only time I call him “Daddy” is when we’re alone or we’re surrounded by fellow kinksters. I try to be respectful of people’s discomfort with names and terms that are unfamiliar to them.
When I saw the post on Tumblr with the accompanying hashtag, something snapped. I called my ex-husband ‘baby’ for our entire relationship (it was quite accurate, too). No one ever questioned it. No one ever gave me a funny look or made assumptions about me. No one who uses that term is labeled as having infant issues.
I call him Daddy because it’s a term that works for both of us and it fits who we are as a D/s couple. The outside world may just have to get over it.
What we call our men is our business, I really don’t care anymore what anyone thinks! When they are as blissfully happy as I am in life, love and sex, then and only then will my give a shit work for their opinion.
Hugs girl! Miss you!
Right on “baby” – you’re my Mynx, and no, anyone who knows me clearly knows I don’t have a thing for cats, pussies? Yes, cats no, LOL! So vanilla-landers need to sit up and take note of the bliss which blankets us here, and clearly have no room to judge. Please at least appreciate TTWD for half a second and exercise respect for for it. You go miss Kayla, we’ve got your back!!! 😉
/giggles. Pussies, yes, cats, no. Noted.
And I think that’s the problem I had with the statement. The judgement. I respect the fact that someone might not like it, approve of it, or even understand it. But don’t judge it.
/giggles. I love your fiery side, Mynx! I wish I was comfortable calling him “Daddy” in public because that’s what feels right for us. Of course, I think I’d still hesitate to use that name in front of the boys because I don’t want to deal with their questions.
Amen to that Kayla! Many, many, moons ago when I was uneducated about kink, BDSM, D/s, etc… My neighbors and I shared a master bedroom wall. I can remember many a night hearing her scream out in the throes of passion, “Daddy-oh Daddy.” I had mixed feelings about it, part of it was feeling a bit like a voyeur that I shouldn’t have been privy to their love making, part giddy with laughter that I was, and then there the feeling of being a little disconcerted about why she would be calling him that. I didn’t understand the dynamic and if it wasn’t blatantly obvious that much pleasure was being gained by the female screaming out his name I would have been genuinely concerned and would’ve probably called authorities fearing the worse.
Many years later as I started discovering who I was and the role I wanted for myself I learned about the numerous dynamics within this beautiful life and the memories from that time came flooding back to me. It was like, oh wow! Here it was right in front of me and I didn’t even realize it. I had joked around with others about that incident before learning what it was I was witness too because I was clueless. I couldn’t see back then that it was a term of affection. I’m so glad now that I can and I think the way you enlightened the obviously clueless commenter was brilliant. Cheers to you!
This you, Tis. I used to feel the same kind of discomfort when I heard someone call their male partner “Daddy.” For the same reasons – I didn’t understand.
What’s funny is that one my absolute besties refers to her husband as Daddy – no clue if they’re kinky. I accepted it as natural between them because I love her as my friend.
It’s amazing how much our minds can accept when we open ourselves up to new information and new experiences.
Amazing indeed! 🙂
This is such an interesting dynamic: people taking ‘personal’ bloggers to task for sharing personal tales of lifestyles. Remember the grief Hy went through?
For me, as a Vanilla with definite non-Vanilla desires, I read Hy’s and your posts with a certain vicarious interest; should you take a direction that exceeds my comfort level I move on. Period!
I do not understand the mentality of followers who feel it is their right to engage in discourse that adds zero to intelligent, respectful critique. I can only imagine your blood pressure and level of adrenaline as you strove to maintain the high road.
Did the poster deserve it? Fuck no!!
But, good for you anyway!!
I try to ALWAYS take the high road (SSir would tell you differently but that’s because he’s the only one privy to my private, agitated ramblings, lol).
I don’t think I would have responded at all if the hashtag “eww” hadn’t been used. Otherwise, it would have been a statement of opinion with no judgement added and I probably would have let it go.
By the way, thanks for reading, commenting, and hanging out. 🙂
Lol. You know I call Mr. HH Daddy. In fact, I call him Daddy pretty much 24/7. In public, in private, in the grocery store, and often, in front of vanilla friends. I just plain forget. I get an occasional strange look, but no one suspects kinky. I bet they just assume I just use it to refer to him as the kids’ dad. That works for me! I’m with you. Why do people even care?
If the boys had been raised around SSir, I’d probably do the same thing, call him Daddy – it’s why he gets called Mr. John *all* the time even when the boys aren’t with us, because THAT’S what the boys know him as.
Little side note (that makes me insanely joyful), the oldest refers to SSir and I (both) as his parents, and when he refers to SSir (when talking to his friends) it’s as his parent or his dad. 🙂
Our oldest was 2 when we started dating. He called Mr. HH “Uncle” until we married almost 4 years later then it was Daddy from almost that day forward. It was formalized not long after. I probably had a harder time getting used to referring to him as Daddy than the kid did! I’m with you, it was a sweet thrill to hear him refer to Mr. HH as his dad to his friends.
Good for you! I call my DH “Daddy” most of the time, though I try to call him by his first name in front of the kids. When I slip and call him Daddy they go “ewww!” I don’t blame them. They’ve seen the covers of my books. They “get it” enough that thinking about their mom’s sex life creeps them out. (We’ve all been THERE. lol) But it’s my prerogative to call him whatever I want. And you make a great point about “baby”. What’s the diff?
I haven’t slipped…yet. But the 9yo is already creeped out by us – he told us to “stop making out” with one another this morning. It was meant to be a good morning kiss that MIGHT have taken more than a second or two. Anyway…
I try to shield them a bit from all the erotic stuff (they *are* only 9 and 5, lol), but eventually some stuff will probably get noticed. I’ll deal with it when it happens.
[…] I call him Daddy – Kayla Lords […]