We all have them. Those things we will not ever do. Those things we can’t fathom ever doing – until we do.
For the average person, some boundaries are absolute.
I will not kill.
I will not steal.
I will not rape.
When someone pushes against our own boundaries, of those things we will not do ourselves or accept being done to us, it’s a violation.
Then there are those boundaries that, even though we don’t realize it, are malleable, semi-permanent. Everyone has different movable boundaries.
We see it most often in kink.
What you think you hate today could be the thing you crave tomorrow. Typically, these boundaries change under one of two circumstances: when you learn more and can make a better educated decision or when you find a person you trust enough to do the scary things with. Sometimes, it’s both.
Big or small, it can happen to any of us.
A few years ago, ballgags made me nervous. I worried about not being able to breathe. I worried about a not-so-good pain from having my mouth stretched. I put them firmly in the “No” category.
And then I started seeing different ballgags in different sizes in different situations. I learned more. I read more. And…most importantly of all, I understood that John Brownstone would always keep an eye on me, no matter what we did.
I also learned the art of compromise. My ballgag is small with breathing holes in it. It’s okay, but not one I crave. My favorite gag, one I never would have considered on my own, is the bit gag. Something about it turns me primal. Hot, wild monkey sex will ensue when he puts this one in.
That’s just a small example.
I used to think a boundary of mine was monogamy. I thought I was a jealous bitch who didn’t share. Turns out…I was wrong. He and I are exploring different sides of our selves that can’t be fulfilled by the other. The boundary lines have moved. We both feel comfortable allowing certain things under very specific circumstances with clearly outlined rules. Instead of non-monogamy being a hard, fast rule for us, it’s bendable.
What you think you like (or hate) today may change. Maybe or maybe not.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt was all about boundaries. What strikes me most when I think about boundaries are how what you think is set in stone and will never change can most certainly change – under the right circumstances, with the right people.
I love how we grow within ourselves and how we always have our dominants to be there for us, like you said: “I understood that John Brownstone would always keep an eye on me, no matter what we did.” A wonderful feeling and experience 🙂
Yes, and like anything it takes time. We have to learn each other, know each other, and THEN trust each other. 🙂
I think the only limit I’ve really completely overturned was knives. They were a hard limit, mostly because I didn’t trust people to do it right. Now they’re my absolute favorite thing.
I’m not overly fond of gags either, mostly because most of them are too big for my mouth and I reeeeaaally hate drooling.
Knives are probably a firm hard limit for me, but I hate to say “never” – ya know?
The first time I realized how much a gag would make me drool, I almost vetoed it. Until he somehow made the whole drooling thing hot…but I have a little bit of a humiliation fetish soooooo… 😀