This is meant to be a sex toy review of a product received in exchange for an honest review — with affiliate links so if you make a purchase, I make a little cash. But before I extoll the virtues of a clitoral stimulator/suction powered vibrator (the Womanizer Premium) that I’ve long been curious about, indulge me for a moment, if you will.
I couldn’t figure out why the rhythmic thumping of the pressurized waves from the Womanizer Premium felt so familiar and comforting until I drove down an empty highway with music blaring in my ears and through my seat. The thumping was instantly recognizable. The pulse of music throbbing through the driver’s seat had long been an on-switch to desire, arousal, and sexual fantasies.
Before (and after) I began this blog, most of my sexual fantasies occurred in the car on my hour-long commute to work. I figured they were the overwrought imaginings of a sexually dissatisfied (and repressed!) person who had a lot of time to think too much. That there could be a connection to the beat of the music I listened to each day and my own arousal escaped me until a random road trip in early August 2020.
I almost forgot who was in the car with me. Almost. Yelling, “Holy shit no wonder that vibrator felt so familiar and comforting last night!” would be fine with John Brownstone. Less fine with a 15-year-old in the passenger seat, especially as it was his playlist we listened to while eating up the road. (Though, to be fair, he clearly gets some of his music taste from me because many were old(ish) favorites that I demanded he “turn it up, I love this one!” over and over again.)
But there it was. The connection between the music I always gravitate to (thumping, beating, pulsing, throbbing) and the reason I felt the first stirrings of my arousal. Not just years ago but also now (possibly) returning after a year or more of ghosting me. The old libido left me so high and dry (literally) I wondered if it was more of a catfishing situation. Was my former level of sexual arousal legitimate or had I fooled myself into thinking I may, in fact, be “a sexual being”? That’s another thought for another day.
I don’t just turn music up in the car because I love it. Or because I want to drown out the sound of my own tone-deaf but exuberant voice. Though both are true. I turn it up because even in the saddest cars I’ve ever driven, the vibrations often pulsed upward through my seat. Never enough to get me off, but it always felt good. Arousing. Sensual, even.
Thanks to working from home, pandemics, and just a different lifestyle than an old one involving hour-long commutes and random road-trips, I’d forgotten that feeling. And I’d clearly never been conscious of what was happening — at least not enough to recall it without the help of good music on a road trip. In a slightly awkward three hour drive, I reconnected with a sexual part of myself and indulged in arousing thoughts and loud music, all without anyone else being the wiser. That feeling has stayed with me, though, which may explain why the Womanizer Premium is still on my nightstand, waiting for me.
Womanizer Premium Review
Okay, so to the actual review.
I’ve tried the other brands’ versions…and at best, tolerated them and at worst, wondered why I bothered. There’s a reason Womanizer is the OG of these kinds of vibrators. They do the pressure air/wave thing well. That being said, it’s not perfect for me. Let’s get into it.
It works like this: The nozzle fits over the clit, you use the buttons to find the intensity or pattern you like, and away you go. The sensations come from their Pleasure Wave technology. It’s super quiet, super powerful, and comes with 12 settings.
Did I get off? Yes. Did I get off multiple times? Oh yes. Did I squirt for the first time in months, practically gushing in a way that is reminiscent of orgasms of old? Hell fuck yes.
And was it delightful? Comforting? Great? Yep, to all of that.
So why am I not gushing (verbally) about it? I liked it but…
Thanks a very plump, fleshy cunt and a shy little clit, finding the exact right position to situation the nozzle took a while. I moved millimeter by millimeter over my vulva, spreading my labia, almost digging around for my clit. When the old libido is already at an all-time low, that doesn’t exactly bring the heat, ya know?
But once contact was established, holy shit, y’all.
The nozzle essentially suction-cupped itself to my body and brought the waves. There was that familiar, comforting, sensual thumping throb I couldn’t place. Followed by toe-curling, muscle-tightening, wave after wave of orgasmic pleasure. First one, then another. The splash of hot fluid against my skin surprised me. Oh, there you are. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?
John Brownstone walked in and grinned when he saw me splayed out with the vibrator between my legs. His smile grew at the is-it-pain-is-it-an-orgasm look on my face. He asked “Did you just squirt?!” in a shocked tone.
I didn’t even try to put on a show or sex it up for him. I was working here! But also, damn it felt good. When was the last time I got lost in the grip of an orgasm or two? Fuck if I remember.
When I was done, the nozzle parted from my clit and vulva with a small pop. (No pain but that was the moment I realized it was suction-cupped to me.)
Unlike the typical wand vibrator or very powerful finger vibrator (ahem, this one) that I love, once I was done, there was no getting the mojo back. I went back to fumbling around with my own vulva trying to put the Premium down in the right spot. Not finding it. Feeling awkward. Then finding it and getting…nothing. I was on empty, I guess.
Will I use it again? Maybe. If I can ever remember that masturbation for the sake of masturbation, for the anxiety and stress relief alone, is a valid experience. It’s one of those vibrators you have to “practice” using to find the right way for you. I don’t always have the patience for that. I tend to want a sex toy to hit the right spot on the first try. Rarely do I have the will to finesse it. I’d much rather apply to clit, get off, move on.
But when I’m in the mood for the sensual comfort of familiar throbs and pulses? Now that I’ve made the connection between listening to music on long drives and the Womanzer Premium, yeah, probably so.
Things you might want to know about the Womanizer Premium:
It’s made of silicone and feels good in my hand.- The buttons are intuitive and were easy for me to reach and press.
- It’s apparently waterproof, though I didn’t test this ability.
- The Premium is USB rechargeable.
- Mine came with an extra head/nozzle, but you can buy more if you need them.
- There is no direct touch on your clitoris (great for those who are extra sensitive). “Pleasure Air” tech creates the sensations. To me, it was gentle but intense.
- It’s not a small vibrator. It’s about as long, if not longer, than my hand, but it’s comfortable to hold onto.
Want to get one for yourself?
Buy the Womanizer Premium — use code VIPLIST to save 5 percent
