This might seem hard to believe, if you’ve been hanging out in my kinky corner of the internet for any length of time, but I’m relatively new to sex toys. I didn’t get my first one until I was nearly 33 (more than four years ago!). Of course, since then, I’ve been hooked. In my world, sex toys are exciting and fun, another way to feel good alone or with a partner. But I know there are plenty of people who still haven’t tried one or can’t imagine how they can be used in a relationship.
Sex toys ,while common for solo masturbation, definitely have a place in your relationship as long as you both enjoy it. And yes, they’re great for kinky sex. I tend to define “sex toys” as everything including our BDSM gear but for this, I’m focusing on the classic definition of sex toys. Think dildos, vibrators, and other buzzy, fun stuff that brings you to orgasm, penetrates the body, or stimulates your junk.
Here’s what we like to use in our kinky fuckery…
Blame it on my love of anything that makes me come, but a good vibrator has a place in my heart and my nightstand drawer. So how exactly do we kink it up? Ohhhh, let me count the ways.
- Masturbating for John Brownstone which still makes me blush
- Being edged until I’m begging to come
- Surviving forced orgasms and falling right to sleep as soon as we’re done
- Pressing a vibrator to my clit while being fucked so that he can feel me come on his cock
Every vibrator is different, and there’s no single type that works for everyone. Even toys I thought I would love have been duds for me. Yet, other people rave about them. I tend to prefer clitoral stimulators because I know that works best, but I’ve found vibrating dildos and rabbits that send me into orgasmic orbit, too.
Original Magic Wand
Yes, the Original Magic Wand is technically a vibrator but I’m putting it in its own category. Why? Because I can. Because I love it. Because no typical vibrator compares to the wand. It was built as a muscle massager, and it packs a definite punch. While it was recently used to tease and edge me, that’s not normal for us. Usually, the purpose of the OMW is brute force strength on my clit to find out just how much I can take…and how much I’ll squirt.
Dildos are good for penetration, and I’ve had them in my butt and my cunt and down my throat. Glass dildos, though, hold a special place in our hearts. My babygirl self loves that they’re so pretty. John Brownstone loves to make them cold or hot. He’s fucked me while pressing a vibrator into my clit. I’ve sucked my own come off of it. I’ve even gagged a little on a glass dildo. See? Dildos can do a lot of stuff. Unlike others, glass dildos are easy to clean, firm (so no wobbling around like other materials), and they’re great for sensation play.
Some people think cock rings are meant only for submissive men who want their junk tortured. Don’t tell that to John Brownstone. He’s solidly dominant, but he’ll slip on a vibrating cock ring without hesitation. Why? Because it fucking feels good – which is the entire point. We have one that vibrates all the way around so as he’s thrusting, my clit gets extra attention, too. So of course, I encourage him to use it as often as possible.
Remote-controlled toys can be hit or miss. A lot of them work with an app on your smartphone, but your basic bullet/egg vibrator might just use a simple button remote. The kink might seem a little obvious – tease your partner, possibly while in public, to drive them crazy, make them squirm, or see if they can come without anyone knowing. Not all of them work as well as they claim, so like every other sex toy, you might try a few before you find one you like.
If sex toys are new to you or you’re looking for something new to use in kinky sex, start slow and be patient. I recommend reading reviews (and not just mine, lol) but realize that no single toy works on everyone. This sex toy infographic will give you great tips and tricks if you’re still learning or want to share it with your partner who doesn’t know what they want or like yet.
Once you find a toy you enjoy, don’t be surprised if you start looking for more. The beauty of a good sex toy is that it enhances the pleasure you already feel plus you get to experience sensations a hand, tongue, or other body part just can’t do. If you can kink it up, too, that’s a bonus!
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Cock Rings… don’t leave home without one.
I find it amusing when people make assumptions about a specific kind of sex toy being “submissive” – like your example with cock rings. I don’t think any toy is inherently dominant or submissive. It’s all in how they’re used.
I’m with you on vibrators and glass. And I absolutely agree: Toys are not required to be played with alone; they’re fantastic when used to find pleasure together.
As I’ve learned more about sex toys and actually had real experience with them, my thoughts have changed and matured which proves that more people should probably try sex toys. ☺️