BDSM Info Podcast

I’m Not Collared…Yet

chain that can be worn by collared submissive

Image via Pixabay

John Brownstone and I have been together in some form or fashion since March 2013 (we’ve known each other since December 2012). We’ll be married on October 28, 2017. We’re in a 24/7 D/s relationship. And I’m not a collared submissive.

Does that surprise you? Depending on how you view collars, maybe so.

Will I one day be collared? I think so. It’s not something we talk much about. We had one big conversation early in our relationship, and since then, it’s been a non-issue – at least for me.

And yet, collars still play a significant role in parts of our relationship…

I have a custom leather play collar that absolutely puts me in a submissive (and very kinky) headspace when he puts it around my neck.

I treat every piece of jewelry he gives me – from necklaces to my engagement ring – like a “mark” of ownership. One necklace is locked around my neck and never comes off.

For both of us, collars are not just a sign of ownership and belonging but also a symbol of serious commitment. We treat “being collared” the same as being married. But not everyone views it that way. Like everything else in kink, collars and being collared exist on a spectrum from not at all to extremely significant and important. Which means it’s time to talk about it in a Loving BDSM podcast.

From the show:

  • Our giveaway winner is Rye or @CollaredMom (on Twitter)!
  • There are multiple different types of collars.
  • Not everyone cares about wearing collars or being collared.
  • Those who do consider them extremely important.
  • Collaring ceremonies can be as important and meaningful as a wedding.
  • Collars and collarings are unique to the people involved and can be anything you want them to be.

Listen to the show:


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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I’m coming around to collars as a component of submission. I got a anklet for my birthday and I just felt my whole mindset change the moment I put it on. When I lost it, I had a total breakdown. It’s amazing what a piece of jewelry, collar or otherwise, can do for you mentally

    • Someone else referred to it as a tangible sign of commitment, and I think that has a lot to do with it. It’s this thing you can touch and hold and it’s given or granted with such meaning behind it.

  • I know some, myself included, would consider your locked necklace akin to a stealth collar (ninja style, lol). We’ve been happily married for ages <3. We discovered having me wear his collar helps a bit with my anxiety. When we realized we wanted me to wear one all the time we did a small collaring ceremony just between the two of us. I have removable collars because I have to get a yearly MRI for my M.S. So I have day and night collars that he changes everyday. It's a nice little bit of reconnect in the morning and evening.

    Congratulations on soon tying the knot! I hope you two have many many more happy years together.

  • I’m technically collared but right now I’m unable to wear my collar due to a trapped nerve in my shoulder/neck area. I miss feeling it round my neck so much but nothing we do will cause me harm and wearing a collar could add to the problem. So I’m a collarless collared sub right now :'(

    We aren’t married but I see my collar as the same commitment a wedding ring holds.

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