Two points to anyone who thought "How to Train Your Dragon" when you read the title. Maybe my mom brain is fried, but it's what I thought.
When we talk about D/s relationships, we talk about communication. We talk about good relationships. We talk about kinky fuckery.
But we (and by "we" I mean myself and some of the things I read) don't talk about the nuts and bolts of a D/s relationship. It's not enough to say that John Brownstone and I have a good relationship (we do). It's not enough to say we communicate all the freaking time (we do that, too).
After you have a willing partner, after you've talked about what you like, don't like, limits, curiosities, and the rest, after you've gotten naked and kinky, there's a lot more to do.
Every relationship (regardless of flavor) requires work. In D/s, a good part of this work is about training. When a submissive friend told me she might not be a submissive after listening to the show we did on responsibilities, I knew we'd left a critical piece of the puzzle out.
In order to be the submissive he wanted me to be (and that I wanted to be for him), John Brownstone had to train me to do the things he wanted me to do. All the tasks I do, the way I behave in kinky public, and the way I treat him came from training. Yes, some of that was part of my personality but it was fine-tuned and honed by him and his expectations.
And so a podcast episode was born...
No, we don't tell Dominants exactly how to train their submissive. Training is too personal for that, but we do share our experiences and what we consider important to remember. Hopefully both Dominants and submissives will get something out of this one.
From the show:
- We're planning for the one year anniversary of the podcast at the end of August with a giveaway of kinky fuckery from our favorite kinky shops. More details coming soon!
- After the show on responsibilities, a friend said she might not be submissive because she's so bad at being responsible. The answer to this is training.
- Training is highly personal and unique to each D/s relationship.
- The responsibility for training and guiding a submissive to help create the D/s relationship you both want lies mainly with the Dominant. Submissives have to be willing to participate, though.
- Submissives don't have to be - and shouldn't be expected to be - perfect during training. The willingness to try is most important.
- Dominants need to be consistent.
- Dominants should communicate their needs and expectations clearly and in detail.
- Submissives should be free to ask questions if there's confusion or a concern.
- Dominants should create consequences for misbehavior and missteps. Communicate those clearly so a submissive knows what to expect.
- Appreciation and gratitude are powerful tools for training and can be more effective than harsh punishment or consequences.
- Training never stops, and tasks can and should be adjusted as a relationship grows and changes over time.
- Because you're both learning about each other, in a D/s relationship, you're both being trained but in different ways.
- Take your training slow. Don't throw a list of a dozen or more rules and tasks at a submissive and expect them to get it all right immediately.
- Dominants who are new and unsure of how to proceed or where to begin with training should reach out to other Dominants you respect in the local community for guidance.
Listen to the show:
Listen on iTunes (and leave a review if you love what you hear!)
Or click the button below...