Apparently, getting sick blew my freaking mind because I haven’t been able to stop talking about it, and I’ve been better for at least a week. But I noticed a few things, in the middle of it and after, that I refuse to think are unique to just me. (Really, lie to me so I don’t feel quite as crazy or strange.)
I’ve said before that my submissive side and babygirl side are two directly opposing sides. Most of the time they co-exist with no problems, but sometimes, not so much. My submissive side seeks to serve and submit. My babygirl side wants someone to take care of her – and if taking care of John Brownstone gets me what I want, even better.
The way I reacted and the thoughts I had at any given moment while I was sick were (to me) directly related to whichever side of my personality had control of my brain at the moment (’cause that doesn’t make me sound like I have psychological issues. Nope.).
For the submissives and the babygirls and the submissive babygirls out there, tell me if any of this sounds familiar. (Really, it’s okay to lie to me. It helps me feel a little less crazy.)
I really need to get out of bed. His coffee needs to be made. He won’t eat breakfast unless I make it. What if he forgets to pack his lunch?
Oh my God, he let me sleep. Why did he do that? I should have been up doing what he needs me to do.
I have no idea how I’m getting dinner on the table tonight. Will anyone be mad if it’s cereal? I’ll ask him.
I need to get up out of this chair. I don’t want to let him down.
Did he really just tell me to sit still? What is he doing? Oh my gawd, he’s getting his own coffee tonight? But that’s my job! I’m not doing my job. Gawd, I hate being sick.
I sooooooo don’t want to get out of bed. I’m gonna roll over and sleep. Daddy’ll wake me up if he needs me. I hope he doesn’t need me.
Mmmm, I’m so glad he let me sleep. I wonder if he ate breakfast? I’ll ask later. He probably didn’t. Damn it.
I don’t really care what we eat tonight. Maybe I can ask him to bring me dinner so I don’t have to sit at the table.
Squeee (half-hearted, I was sick, y’all), he cooked for the boys and let me eat dinner in my comfy chair. No sitting at the table for me!
Whiiiiiiiiiiiine. He hasn’t spanked my butt in three days. I hate thiiiiiiiiiiis!
I can’t believe he just accused me of whining! I wasn’t whining. I was letting him know I’m tired of being sick. I’d stomp my feet if I wasn’t so damn tired. I’ll pout instead.
!!! He told me to stop pouting! I’m sick. He shouldn’t be so mean to me.
Okay, telling him he was being mean didn’t go over well. Now he says definitely no spanks until I’m better. Fuck.
I can’t tell him this, but it’s kind of nice not having to make dinner or clean the kitchen every day. I hate this yucky feeling, but it’s kind of sexy watching him do everything.
Poor Daddy, he’s so tired. It’s not easy being me and him. Maybe if I just rub against him like…this.
Damn it, he says I’m cute, but I’m sick and he meant it when he said no spankings or other fun until I’m better.
Did I just have a temper tantrum in the bed? Yes, yes I think I did. It felt kind of good too. I just wish he wouldn’t laugh at me like that. Damn it!
So there you go. A peek into the inner workings of my mind. Scary, right? Would you believe that some days, those thoughts occurred back to back – submissive and babygirl fighting against each other? And sometimes, I could go a whole day being his good girl submissive before switching to babygirl mode the following day. I’m pretty sure he thought the sinus infection had cooked my brain at some point.