Wicked Wednesday

I Thought I Hated Teamwork

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If asked, I’d tell you that I’m not a team player. I don’t want to join a group, collaborate with anyone, or do anything other than my solitary work.


Except that’s not at all true.

John Brownstone and I are spouses, in a D/s relationship, and business partners. One reason we work so well together is because it’s pure collaboration and teamwork from minute to minute.

I form relationships with companies where we work together on a common goal or for a common purpose. My best clients and the most fun I have are with brands I really like and respect and can envision a future with.

I have ideas upon ideas about how I’d like to work with sex blogger friends I admire and respect. And as soon as I learn to ignore my anxious brain, I’ll suggest those ideas to them.

My distaste for teamwork has little to do with the work and everything to do with people.

Back in the day, school projects consisted of me getting it done and everyone else putting their name on it.

The old corporate job meant everyone had the idea and then expected me to make it happen — often without the resources I needed. And they ignored the ideas I had…until they needed a new one.

I had few moments where I could depend on a “team” — until now. Until I could finally choose who to work with and when. And that’s when I learned that collaboration can build amazing things.

Like in a solid D/s relationship. Even when we’re annoyed with each other, we can work through it. We fill in the gaps for the others weaknesses. When neither of us know how to do a thing or overcome a problem, we put our heads together to find a solution…or we hunker down and ride out the metaphoric storm together.

Business partnerships where both sides make money and also provide something of value to the customer. It might seem like the only thing adult business care about the money they make. But some really do want to make a sex positive difference in the world and they really do want to help their customers. It’s rare (let’s be real here) but when I come across it, it’s amazing.

So it’s not that I don’t collaborate. It’s that I’m picky. Damn picky.

Worse, though, is that I don’t ask, and I hold back, afraid I’ll commit to something I can’t sustain, terrified of rejection. So I wait and watch and hope I get picked. Of course, the problem with holding back is that you miss opportunities. I’m working on being the one to make the offer, to reach out, and to say, “Let’s work together.” It’s harder than I realized, but everything is.

Building a team is an amazing feeling when it works. The communication. The problem-solving. Divvying up the work, doing what you each do best, and creating something together.

Ohhhhh, it turns me on just thinking of it.

But when it doesn’t work, it’s a slog. Misery. Frustrating. Enough to make you swear off teamwork forever.

Which is what I’d thought I’d done until I learned that collaboration with the right people and under the right circumstances can be a beautiful thing.

And for the record, I still love working on my own, too. It’s not all teamwork, all the time. Peace, quiet, and a big cup of coffee are all I want and need sometimes.

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I struggle so hard with teamwork, but I force myself to do as a Cub Scout parent lol. Mostly, because I want to cut straight to the point and just get something done…I don’t want to discuss it for hours or good Lord, have to do a craft first. My Sir, made it something that I have to do, I have to play nice with the Scout Mom’s and I have to participate in the discussions lol. (I can’t decide if it’s a tool for growth or torture just yet) I’m an introvert, and a planner, and I just want to get things done without 12 meetings and a coffee cake…but I’m learning to smile, nod, and discuss and then delegate.

    • Some of those group things are so stressful that JB gives me permission to skip them — doing the parent thing with school and other people’s kids is one of them. I’ve tried multiple times and the results are SO bad for my head.

  • ah yes, the dreaded teamwork exercises. Personally I hated them, often I would find myself just taking over the team and telling them this was how it would be, especially when it was an ill fated match-up of team members. A few times everything would line up and yes it was an amazing thing to be part of.
    I am so happy you both work well together. Also enjoy those moments of quiet coffee alone working on what you love too.

  • I’m right there with you… I prefer to work alone, but when in a team with the right people, I love working in a team too. Thankfully at my work things have changed, putting me in the right team and taking away some of my stress. That is magic. As for blog work, I mostly do that alone, but the thought of working in a team is appealing too 🙂

    Rebel xox

  • […] I Thought I Hated Teamwork Kayla is picky about her team, and whether it’s sexual or in business, I think that’s perfectly okay. Collaboration can’t be forced, but when it works, it’s amazing. I think her and John’s teamwork in all their facets has produced some amazing things. […]

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