My Type of Submission

In last week’s post detailing the routine of my day as a submissive woman, I mentioned that I identify as a “little.” That seems appropriate for today’s topic. Of course, I’ve been thinking a lot about my submission in the past few days – partly because I knew I wanted to discuss it here and partly because I’ve been with my Dominant since Wednesday night.

Yes, he’s mine just as much as I am his. Anyone looking at pictures on Tumblr or simply reading BDSM erotica will see many Dominants (male or female) claim their submissive with a simple word, “Mine.” That’s very true. Part of what I love about being a submissive is belonging to my Dominant. But without me, he wouldn’t be a Dominant. He’d be a man with Dominant tendencies. The two need one another to exist.

Ok, so I got off on a little tangent there. Today, I want to focus on my “type” of submission. Dominance and submission is one of those times in life when we really are all unique snowflakes. Kinks abound in this world, and what gets me off might be stomach-turning to someone else.

In my first D/s relationship, I was simply a submissive woman. Which tells you nothing, right? Basically, I wanted to do anything and everything that would please him. I was “pet” to him, and he was “Sir.” He and I had already discussed what I liked, what I didn’t, so when I say I wanted to do anything and everything, I mean, within my own personal limits that we’d discussed. He was a strict Sir who wanted and took absolute control. I liked that about him. It was intoxicating to know that anything we did sexually was at his whim. While he went to great lengths to make sure I was satisfied, most of my satisfaction came from submission. Releasing all control heightened my pleasure. It was addictive.

And then that ended.

Months have passed, and I’m dipping my toe into the D/s waters again, but this time it’s completely different. I spent the months that I was alone exploring what I called my “little girl tendencies.” This is a side of me that didn’t see much light even when I was a little girl. Those tendencies include a love of the colors pink and purple, pigtails, teddy bears, and every once in a while, Hello Kitty. That side of me also cries when life seems unfair, pouts, and stomps her foot – a lot.

For the record, I’m not into age play, and when I’m feeling “little,” I don’t act like a small child. There are people out there who are into that thing, and I say more power to them. For me, it’s a state of mind. It’s the side of me that’s most vulnerable. I’ve spent most of my adult life (and even a good bit of my childhood) apologizing for how I felt or hiding my real feelings – in an effort to protect myself from rejection.

Calling him “Daddy” was the scariest thing I’ve done yet, and at the same time, the most liberating. To him, I am “baby,” “babygirl,” and sometimes “little one.” Remember, this isn’t about age play. As a Daddy, he’s protective, caring, nurturing, loving, and indulgent (at times). He’s also firm and constantly looking out for my best interests. At the core of it all, he’s still a Dominant man, and he will take what he wants when he wants it – and as a submissive woman, I adore that.

The difference between my first relationship and this one is the freedom I feel like I have. Before, I wasn’t allowed to touch Sir without permission – it was always granted, but there was a protocol to follow to receive permission. It may sound restrictive, but it was heady stuff. Wanting to touch him and not knowing if I would be allowed to – I was turned on more by the chance of denial than anything.

Now? Oh now, if I want to touch Daddy, I can. But, like most little girls (in any sense of the term), I don’t know what to do once I get what I want. When I want to show how happy I am, I tend to pepper his neck with kisses. He always smiles indulgently. Of course, when I make his breath catch and I feel his muscles tense, I take it a step further (I am a grown woman with a full sexual appetite, after all). I lick and nip and nibble – until he decides enough is enough and takes what he wants.

Here’s the thing…I don’t expect anyone to understand the Daddy/little girl dynamic of Dominance and submission. Hell, I don’t really expect anyone to understand D/s in general. Hearing a grown woman call a grown man “Daddy” when he’s clearly not her father freaks some people out. I don’t consider him my father – I wouldn’t be able to suck his cock if I did. He doesn’t consider me to be his daughter. He wouldn’t be able to fuck the hell out of me if he did.

All I can say as way of explanation is that it’s a state of mind for us. The side of me that still feels innocent and young responds to the nurturing, caring side of him. The part of me that craves giving up control, sexually and in some other aspects of my life, is drawn to the quiet control of a good Dominant man.

At the end of the day, we’re a man and a woman who’s sexual kinks speak the same language.

What I’m slowly learning, about myself, is that how I submit and the way I submit can be influenced by the personality of the man I find worthy of my submission. Not that I’m looking or wanting someone new, but I wonder what kind of submissive I would be with someone else.  Am I simply a woman who wants to submit to any good Dominant who earns my trust or am I a specific “type” or two of submissive woman who needs a specific type of Dominant? Right now, there’s no way to know – and I’m ok with that.


About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • That’s an excellent ‘confession’ about your particular type of submission. I agree; every D/s relationship is as unique as a snowflake.
    I was trying to explain to someone last night about submission in general. I believe it is as much a part of our set personalities as our eye color is part of our physical. We can change our behaviors, but submissive is submissive is submissive. Even the blogs I’ve read of women who switched from submissive to Dominant still show the tell-tale signs of basic submissive personality. I marvel at that.
    Even with my male non-sexual friends, the submissive in me reacts to whatever percentage of dominance they have in them, and sometimes even calls it out to the forefront. I don’t have a single male friend who doesn’t LOVE telling me how I SHOULD act or SHOULD behave. LOL. Even my oldest son does it. From guys who are NOT dominant, I get nothing.
    It always thrills me to see the Alpha beast come swimming up from beneath a man’s still waters. The change of voice, the look in the eyes … thrilling.

    • We’re all little snowflakes…but to a certain extent, the submissive nature is the submissive nature… 🙂 I think we react to the people we have a certain amount of chemistry with – even if it’s not sexual chemistry…

  • My Master and I seem to be treading our own path. and the road seems to be much the same as yours. I have been, pet and princess, but when he called me LITTLE ONE I lost it. There was the name that fit me beyond all else. I do not know if I were ever going to be able to call him Daddy, or even if it is a name that he would like. All I know is that I adore him and his strength. When I see that power in his eyes I am weak. There is no me without him and no him without me. The words MINE and YOURS are spoken between us in every conversation, because that is to whom we belong.

  • The D/s dynamic is unique to each and everyone that is involved. That is the beauty of it all, it is what each and everyone of us makes of it. There is nothing written in stone that it is this our that.

  • This was neat to read. I always find the different aspects of submission and how they manifest in different people interesting. I haven’t really explored much so I have no clue what I’d label myself as. I’ve read your thoughts on Daddy/little before. Not sure I could get down with it, but its interesting in the being vulnerable respect.

  • I am sorry is there a reason, I am unable to read any of the blogs. I have been able to read them the past 2 weeks, but now it only shows me the title and date of the blog along with comments. Just asking I really enjoy your blog a lot!!!

  • Like you I started out thinking I was just submissive, and with Dom/Masters that were too “cold” for me. I was told so many times that I wasn’t a good sub because I wanted more….different….. but when I met Daddy, everything fell into place and I understood.

    It’s been a pleasure to follow your journey as well.

  • I have tried everything but I am unable to read any of your recent post on any mobile devices. Is it something I am doing? I really enjoy your blog but haven’t found any success. please help.

    • I don’t know what the problem could be…my WP site is mobile-enabled. Are you trying to access it through the WordPress app or from your email or through the browser on your phone?

  • A great explanation, and I do understand where you are coming from. It’s that freedom to be vulnerable. Not not be in charge on an ‘adult’ level, and surrendering to the things you need to be whole. 🙂

    Glad you’ve had a glorious time with your Daddy. 🙂

    • Thank you. I’m amazed at how much my own self-confidence has grown over the past several months – simply because I know who I am and I embrace it.


  • Kayla. Thanks so much for this post. I feel like we’re kindred spirits. :). I love my time spent with my Daddy. It evolved into that over time with trust and care and a willingness to discover and share each others kinks. I like how you point out everyone’s dynamics are different. Keep writing.

    • Thank you, Ginger. If someone had asked me 6 months ago if this is where I’d be, I would have laughed…but it feels so right because it is. 🙂

  • I understand what you mean by being a Little, as I consider myself to be one. I too… am not into ageplay. When I feel safe with my Daddy… I am free to let my ‘adult’ self slide away, to reveal the ‘true me’ underneath… a little girl… with simple pleasures, sensitivities and vulnerabilities… who loves being read stories, wearing breezy dresses, bows in her hair, bubbles, balloons, feeding the ducks… That is when I truly feel myself and it is so freeing and relaxing. Daddy makes it safe to explore the world while I am in my ‘Little’ frame of mind and it’s such a gift.
    Love reading about other’s experiences being ‘Little’… keep writing!

  • I love your description of how “little” to you is a state of mind, rather than ageplay. I understand that so much, and it all sounds exactly like what I like in a boy. (I identify so much with this post, flipping the gender roles around.) Especially your scenario of giving kisses until he decides it’s enough. I would just die if a boy did that with me. /sigh happily

    Thanks for sharing these thoughts. I find this post really helpful, because it gives me another way to explain my own preferences. I always like reading posts about D/s terminology with caveats, distinctions, or other kinds of qualifications that take ideas and just tweak them in some way. You’re right: every D/s relationship is unique.

    • I’m glad I could help! I feel like, although D/s is unique for everyone, there’s a lot we all have in common. Plus, I think explaining our lifestyle in real life terms makes it less scary for people who are new or who think it’s just kink and porn. 🙂

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