Being a Babygirl Is More Than You Think

I think I inadvertently started a little something on Facebook the other day. John Brownstone sent me a link to results he’d received from an online “BDSM Test.” I find these things fascinating, but they’re also to be taken with a grain of salt when coming from an unknown source.

So of course, I take it and get my results. And being the weirdly introverted social media creature I am, I posted it to Facebook. By the next day, several of my friends had taken the quiz and shared their results. Much laughter and teasing ensued, especially for those whose results told them had a bit (or a lot) of babygirl in them.

There was good-natured ribbing and incredulity from my friends. They couldn’t possibly be babygirls. They don’t giggle. They don’t like glitter. They’re very serious-minded women who don’t take crap from anyone. I finally piped up (surprise, surprise). Being a babygirl (or babyboy, as the case may be) is less about the giggles and silliness that we show the people we’re closest to, and more about what we need from our Dominants.

You can be a babygirl without glitter, Hello Kitty, coloring, stuffies, or evening calling your Dominant “Daddy” or “Mommy.”

Safe Place

To me, what makes a babygirl is our need for care and protection – not all the time, not in every circumstance – but in those situations that get us riled up and twisted around. Sometimes I just need someone to take care of me – when I’m sick, when I’m scared, when I’m so exhausted I can’t see straight. I don’t need tasks or demands, I don’t need routine. I need strong arms, a willingness to make me a cup of hot tea, and a bit of babying.

My babygirl side is my most vulnerable part of me. Yes, I have what I call “little tendencies” – that’s my penchant for animated movies, knee socks, pigtails, and lots of giggles (on a good day). But the babygirl side is when I cry or laugh. It’s when I ask for help. It’s when I’m done being a strong Wonder Woman and am able and willing to lean on my Dominant.

Okay, so yes, there are plenty of vanilla couples who have this element. These traits aren’t specific to a D/s relationship, except that once I’m done getting my cuddles and hugs, I might also kneel at his feet, get my face-fucked (using my pigtails as handles), and have to complete a task he sets for me. See the difference?

And yes, submissives who don’t identify as a babygirl/boy often have the same needs as I do, but how do you handle them? Do you even acknowledge them as legitimate parts of your whole self or are they nuisances to be brushed aside? (For the record, there’s no right or wrong answer to that.) My babygirl self is a softer side. On a bad day, it’s my needy side. On a good day, I’m light and silly, determined to do anything for a laugh because in my relationship, I know it brings comfort to my Dominant.

safety in my arms

So if you reject the “babygirl” designation because you object to the trappings and how we often present ourselves to the world, look past that giggly (or whiny) facade at what we really need. And think about what you need as a submissive. You might find we have more in common than you think.

Images via GoogleΒ 

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Mmmmhmmmm!! Yes, this! Perfectly explained. I loved all the teasing we did too.

    But seriously. People need to reconsider the glitter option. It makes everything so PRETTY.

    Love ya, Kayla, for summing it up so well.

    Hugs and kisses

  • So in all the talking we’ve done it was still taking me time to wrap my brain around this. I love how you explained it in this post because it’s making sense to me now. My big joke has always been that I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Inside I feel really young and I used to berate myself for it because I thought it was wrong. I have a lot of vulnerabilities.

    • We all have vulnerabilities – it’s all in how we deal with them.

      And I’m still learning about my babygirl side every day. We went into a big box book store yesterday and while I know my bg side loves younger books, I didn’t realize how much until I found 20+ books written for middle schoolers that I was VERY sad not to be able to purchase.

  • I’m pretty sure I took that same test. Switch was top. Baby girl was a lot further down. I like the idea of being a Babygirl, but I’m not sure im that person in reality.

    • I would never say that everyone has it in them, but I do believe that some people take longer to discover it within themselves. For me, it was about being willing to embrace the things I considered weaknesses – the desire to be taken care of (even though, of course, I’m capable of taking care of myself), the willingness to show my silliest (and, unfortunately, whiniest and most childish side) to someone I trust, and the part that’s taken the longest to surface, to find what I connect with that’s not exactly age appropriate. I don’t think that last part is some sort of requirement, but I do think it’s more common than not.

  • Very well said, from one babygirl to another!! πŸ™‚

    I frequently find myself feeling hurt by people’s rejection of the label “babygirl”…. Not so much that they don’t see themselves as one, but the often implied wrongness of it…. And then I remind myself of how hard I fought accepting that about myself. I still can’t answer why.

    I’m glad you spoke up here. I think being a babygirl means that I like my D/s served with kisses and cuddles…. but this in no way lessens our D/s. I think many, if not most, DD/lg couples have far more rules and rituals than most might think. To my mind, it is the best of both worlds πŸ™‚

    Much love Kayla. xo

    • ((HUGS))

      D/s with kisses and cuddles sounds good to me. SSir and I have our primal, S&M sides so it can get rough, and I like that part too, but when I’m in bg mode, kisses, cuddles, snuggles, and hugs are the best. As well as saying, “Yes, Daddy” in my sweetest babygirl voice. πŸ™‚

      It’s a hard thing to accept when we’ve been taught that strong, independent women don’t need anyone, can do it ourselves, and that anything that appears “young” is immediately in the pedophile category – which you and I both know isn’t true. I’m not too worried about how the world sees me, but if I can help one budding babygirl (or boy) realize that what they feel is normal and okay, then I’m a happy babygirl. πŸ˜€

  • I’ve never thought negatively of baby girls or littles. It’s just kind of mind blowing to see myself there. I guess this is part of the discovery process. I started off thinking I was a service sub with strong slave leanings, then I started making friends and they gave opinions based on what they thought they know about me, but I hadn’t really opened up to them because there seems to be an unwritten submissive hierarchy out there, which I HATE. Being the rebel I made waves and some didn’t like that too much. That’s when my vulnerabilities really started showing. I felt like I was floundering and I had to dig deep. I thank you and Angel so much for helping me with this process. Right now I’m more raw than ever and I’m trying to get a foothold.

    • Wherever you’re finding the unwritten hierarchy, let me know so I can avoid it like the plague. Anyone who feels that way is full of fucking bunk. Subs are subs are subs. IF there’s a ladder of sorts, I would put those who’ve been in the lifestyle longer higher on the ladder than the newbies, but that’s about it.

      (((HUGS))) Second of all, we’re here for you. Have been, will be, and don’t forget it. This is partially why I hate labels – we get it into our head we’re one way and when we discover other parts of ourselves that fall into different categories, we’re confused or we reject it out of hand. I use labels to help find common ground with others, but I know my version of babygirl is unique to me, just like Cinn’s is unique to her, and god knows, Angel’s a unique snowflake (love you, WWA!). Take from each category what suits you best and reject the rest – and then either use a label or don’t. Either way, you’re still the Elle we love and the sub Coach adores. πŸ™‚

  • I think you have provided a very articulate description, Kayla. As an author of age play books, I have sometimes been criticized that some of my Little characters don’t wish to be little ALL the time. Well of course they don’t, they are grown, intelligent women.
    As you pointed out, there is no right and wrong, the dynamics are different in every relationship and will vary depending on the specific needs of the participants.

    • Exactly! God, I’d be hell to live with if I was babygirl and little ALL the damn time. And nothing would get done, lol.

      I know it’s normal for people to put each other in boxes. “You’re this, and you’re always this, and when you become something else, I’m confused.” I get it, ya know? But it’s no less frustrating when it happens.

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