I Desire…Something #WickedWednesday

Prior to finding the kinky world of sex, BDSM, and rock and roll (wait? That can’t be right…), or whatever, I never thought I’d be attracted to anyone other than men. In my mind, I was strictly heterosexual and happy that way.

Enter the world of erotic imagery, kinky fuckery stories and experiences, and I started thinking, “Well…maybe not…” I was bi-curious – or whatever it’s called these days. I was interested, but the thoughts remained mostly in the fantasy world. It was all in my head, and it never centered around a specific person.

I watched, though, as friends of mine found soul sisters in kink and friendship. I was both happy for them and envious of what they had (and still have). I wanted that closeness, that bond. But I also know me. I’m a prickly pear when it comes to letting someone close – just ask John Brownstone. I have walls a mile thick and ten miles high. Only the truly determined can penetrate them.

Then I learned I’m of the demisexual persuasion – I don’t feel sexual attraction without a deep connection. I’ve always been that way (one night stands never did anything for me) even if I was wrong about the actual connection, but I never knew it had a name. I just figured that’s how I was.

Well, doesn’t that make this bi-curious, girl thing more difficult? I don’t let anyone in. I need a deep energy vibe connection. Oh, and I don’t talk to anyone I don’t know. (If Daddy would let me, I’d be a very happy hermit. Just sayin’…)

Then I met Master M. I’d known of her for well over a year. I’d met her in passing. She’s been in the lifestyle nearly 20 years, a Domme by nature, a ProDom, a club owner, and refers to herself as a feisty babygirl from time-to-time. I liked her immediately. I don’t gel with a lot of people. It’s all about energy for me, and if a vibe is good, I connect. If not, I’m polite but distant. It’s nothing personal; it’s just my nature. I never have been able to do the fake-nice, fake-conversation thing with people. The vibe has to be there. It was there, y’all.

Fast forward to the past few months. We’ve hung out. She scened with us and taught us both new things. She told Daddy that she considered us a part of her family now that we’ve played together. Yeah, there’s an energy. (I think after the scene was over – when I was a ball of mush and boneless – she jokingly asked if we were poly. Maybe not so jokingly?)

When the question came up with multiple dominants and multiple scenes (and yes, I will write about that soon. Promise!), Daddy asked the question that has stayed with me ever since…What if it became sexual between Master M and myself?

And there’s the unknowable answer. There’s the scenario I have no way of predicting. I’ve been kissed by one woman (she knows who she is. /waves!). But other than that, I know nothing. I know what my fantasies say are possible. I know that I respond to her dominant nature as the submissive I am. (For the record, I can only have one true Dominant…I can only imagine her as my top. I think. Maybe. Aw, who the hell knows?!)

Do I desire her? I think so. Do I desire her body or her energy? I don’t know. I like listening to her. I know I could learn a lot. My mouth waters (among other parts of my body) when her hands are on me or she growls in my ear. Hugging her feels uh-maze-ing. (She gives full-body, warm, comforting hugs – or is that just my perception of them?)

I don’t know her well enough to know how I’d respond if she and I ever…well, hell, I don’t know. Daddy knows that I’m okay if she joins us in a scene anytime. No need to ask. Just say tell her yes. (As the Dominant, he’s the one who’s asked, and then he asks me. Don’t ask me, just say yes.) I’ve been tempted to ask if we can arrange a private session at her club at some point this summer – for Daddy and myself, I mean. (This will be news to Daddy as I haven’t mentioned it until this moment. Hey, we’ve been busy. Kinky fuckery isn’t the thing we’ve had time to discuss. Le sigh.)

I don’t think I desire just the idea of her, but I know that’s a possibility. At this moment in time, as the words are being written, I don’t necessarily desire her body – simply her presence. Her touch – as a Domme, definitely. As a woman? I don’t know.

There’s a lot I don’t know…but I look forward to finding out.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! I’ve been out of the game for several weeks but I love responding to the prompts each week, so I figured it was time to make an extra effort. Okay, y’all, go forth and check out all the other goodness this week!