“I can’t believe I nearly lost my bracelet. Thank God they found it in the locker room! But I’m not going to tell him about it until I have my bracelet back.” My co-workers stared back at me with looks of confusion and disbelief.
“Why would you tell him at all? You temporarily lost it but you got it back. There’s nothing to confess.” They were truly perplexed
Now it was my turn to be confused. “Because I tell him everything. Of course, I’ll tell him about it.”
The conversation ended, and I went back to work. My mind couldn’t comprehend not telling him about the nearly lost bracelet, the daring rescue of the manager at the gym rushing into the lady’s locker room to retrieve it, his fervent promises to safeguard it….ok, I’m a fiction writer y’all; sometimes I get carried away. Whether I’d lost the bracelet for good or not, I would still tell Daddy about it – harrowing details and all.
I tell him everything. Everything. The most mundane details and the craziest stories are all a part of our conversations. We talk to each other two to three times a day on the phone. Plus countless emails and text messages. There are no secrets. There are, however, surprises – but I’ll tell him that I’ve got a surprise for him. Anything else feels like I’m lying to him.
One of the hallmarks of a successful D/s relationship is communication. Of the kinky relationships I’ve followed online, those that have failed have done so because they couldn’t or wouldn’t communicate with each other – about everything. I’ve talked to many submissive women who express fear at telling their deepest, darkest thoughts to their Dominant. I’ve (gently) told them to get over it and start talking.
If you can’t talk to the person who you’ve given control of your life to, the relationship is doomed. If you don’t feel like you can talk to them, then it’s time to take a hard look at yourself and your relationship. If the fears are potential rejection, ridicule, or whatever – are they because of you or your Dominant? Whether Dominant or submissive, we all have hangups from previous relationships, especially when we’re new to D/s. Part of being willing to communicate is trust. Does the other person have your trust? If not, why? Are you still afraid or are they giving you reasons not to trust them?
This is going to sound insensitive, but if you don’t feel like you can talk to your partner (Dom or sub) and it’s because of how they react – or don’t react – get out now. Go ahead and end it. You may love that person, but your D/s relationship is doomed from the beginning if you can’t even communicate. When it ends, and it will end, it will be for the best – even though it will hurt like a motherfucker for a while.
How do I know? When I look back on my relationship with Lion, I see the cracks and chinks in the wall very clearly. He was a good Dom, and I was a good sub, but we weren’t right for each other. He wasn’t at the right place in life to be what I needed. And I was too clingy and desperate for love to be good for him.
Daddy, though? Daddy and I seem to be made for one another. Even when we disagree, it’s easy to resolve and one of us comes to understand the others point and changes our mind. And no, I’m not the only one who acquiesces. He’s said the most perfect words in the world to me on more than one occasion, “You’re right, babygirl.”
I’ll go back to my original point. Daddy and I talk, in some form or fashion, all the time. In the beginning, it was like pulling teeth to get me to talk about what was on my mind. Over time, he earned my trust (and I earned his), and talking has become effortless.
Even though I worry and wonder about what life will be like when we’re not in long-distance relationship anymore, I know deep down that we’ll be ok, because we’ve already mastered one thing – communication.