Sex Writing

I Just Want A Day Off…

It’s Saturday, and my intention is to post something about Dominance and submission. And maybe I will later. But today, I’m having this moment of, “Please don’t make me.”  I don’t want to promote, I don’t want to hashtag, I don’t want to worry about whether anyone wants to read my books (yes, plural – more on that later).

I don’t feel particularly sexy so no erotica to share. I don’t feel particularly market-y, so no promotional tweets, Facebook posts, Tumblr posts, or blog posts. I simply want to come to this space and word vomit all over the place – because I can.

I want the freedom to say that I doubt my ability to be heard through the clutter of noise from the hundreds of thousands of people just like me who’ve published and now must sell.

I want to tell you that I think I’m going about this whole writing/promoting thing the right way, but my version of “the right way” requires patience, and I’m not a patient girl. And doing what I believe is the right thing for me still fills me with doubts.

I want to say that I often wonder about the promos I see from other writers. Are we all just full of shit, desperately trying to make ourselves seem more successful than we are in an attempt to convince people who don’t know us to take a chance on our writing?

I believe that I’ll only find success by building a community of people who like either me or my words – the two may be mutually exclusive – and by being real. I don’t want a blog that’s nothing but a string of commercials for myself or others. I want this to be a space for me to be who I am, completely, in all my imperfect glory.

The reality is that marketing my own writing is a business, and I have to treat it like a business, regardless of my doubts, no matter how tired I may be, and even if no one is actually paying attention. I guess I’m saying that I just want a day off…


About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • You know Kayla you are not alone here, several other’s and even myself at times have to walk away from this social-media world here and step back and smell the roses that aren’t always apparent in this unique universe we are accustomed to.

    And actually it is good in that you come back refreshed and with a renewed vision of sorts and can be more prolific in all you have stated above… enjoy your day, days, week or what ever is needed, we will be here and will support you and the others I have seen lately that take that needed break for cause…

  • Sometimes we have to walk away.We need to recharge our batteries! And for INTJ’s or INFJ’s, that involves insular time. That includes walking away from too much time at the computer. As for selling ourselves… ugh. Sometimes the quieter road is much better than the hard sell. I’d rather be a concubine or a mistress than a whore if you know what I mean. Same when it comes to writing. It’s there. Read it. I’m not going to force you, or promise the moon.

    Hope you have a good weekend!

  • You are allowed to enjoy social media, don’t let it over take you. It’s supposed to be fun. Post if you want, don’t if you want. Fickle fans will come and go, but your core base will always stay loyal. Don’t worry about the numbers, just your personal enjoyment.

  • Its funny because I look at how you’re doing and think you’ve got. I didn’t have the drive to promote that you possess and I feel like you’re reaping the rewards of your diligence. That’s part of why I let go of the publishing dream. Take a break though! You deserve it. Rest will bring new perspective I think.

  • I truly feel where you are coming from. I go a week or so at times, my brain gets burnt out from just daily stuff, then to sit and blog nah I need to be rested and in the mood.

  • Enjoy your weekend Kayla. When one is creative one has always doubts, about one’s self, about one’s position in that vast ocean of competition and so on. They say that talent always surfaces and I believe that to be true. That and luck and having already kind of a fan base.
    Take care x

    • You are right, and I agree completely. I’m just not a patient person…lol…

      I have enjoyed my time off…so much so that I started writing a new story. 🙂

  • Sometimes a day off is just the ticket one needs to return refreshed. One of the hardest things I find about marketing is that it is hard to know what is effective and what isn’t, what works and what doesn’t. I do know that it is marathon and not a sprint and one has to pace one’s self accordinly.

    • You are so right. I’m the impatient girl who’s whining, “Are we there yet?” And that adds to my exhaustion and burn out. But I really feel that my way, which is part professional no-how from the day job and part instinct, will work for me in the long-run…taking the weekend off has definitely helped me get my perspective back. 🙂

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