The Little Masochist

I’m in a strange frame of mind. I’m not feeling overly little, submissive, feminine, womanly…am I in pigtails and knee socks, wearing a Hello Kitty shirt? Yep. It’s Saturday night – this is what I do.

I have these dark spots in my head that can’t and won’t let me focus on anything much. I’m not writing. I’m not Tweeting. I’m sort of Tumblr’ing (yes, I just made up a word). But I can’t stop thinking about today.

I have a three year old. If you’ve survived the threes, there’s not much more to say. If you haven’t, imagine a terrorist or a dictator (or both) living in your home – that you are required by law to feed, clothe, and take care of  – at least until adulthood. And it’s your job to keep the little Hitler from wreaking havoc on an unsuspecting populace.

I know why some animals eat their young.

It was a bad day in our house. There were timeouts. There was early bedtime. Toys were taken away. And yes, there were spankings. Not everyone believes that’s the thing to do, I get it, but that’s how we roll around here. They are rare, but they are swift.

The little masochist laughed during it! “Motherfucker!” is what I thought. I know it stung – my hand hurt. In the middle of it all, I had this strange thought that maybe he’s like his mother in more ways than I thought. That was fleeting, because my next thought was, “What the hell do I do now since this and everything else doesn’t work?”

I had to threaten to call his grandfather – the only person he both loves and is afraid of. I don’t want to use another person as a source of punishment. But, in parenting, you do what you have to do.

I’ve gone through the threes before. But I’ve never done it alone. And every time I feel like I’m in a battle with one of the boys, it highlights for me that I do it alone, and there is no back up.

That thought always makes me tired. It messes with my head. It’s done it tonight. I can’t focus on anything right now. I want what I can’t have, and there’s nothing to be done about it.

The worst part? Every time I close my eyes, I see him laughing through a spanking…the little masochist.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I have been known to laugh through spankings too, but I think my motivation was quite different.
    Hugs to you and your small tyrant.

  • Ah the threes who ever said the terrible two’s obviously never actually had kids. Sorry your disconnected tonight I totally know the feeling. I to am a bit list in my head and space tonight.
    Side note, your outfit sounds totally cute.
    I’m not a daddy or a painter tonight just very B, light blue plaid brahmuda shorts and white T. Pretty boring. Happy Saturday. Tumblr’ing I’m very guilty of as well 😉

    • I always figured the “Terrible Twos” came from parents who just hadn’t made it to three yet…lol…

      Happy Saturday to you. Looking forward to finishing my hot tea and going to bed to read for a while. I’m sure I’ll be back to sassy, fighting form tomorrow…at least until my children wake up…ha!

  • Hugs! Of my four sons, one of them laughed. Didn’t matter how hard I spanked. So, I came up with other punishments. Deprivation worked really well. He would be left out while his brothers did get something. Funny part? He’s the best of my sons now that he is an adult. 🙂

    • I’ve found that deprivation does work wonders…sometimes, there’s nothing to take away in the moment, though…but we’re getting there. (Knock on wood) He’s had a decent day so far…

  • If you think 3 is trying wait until adolescents. The surge of testosterone can be overwhelming. I’m not in any way negating how you feel, and what you experience on a daily basis. it’s Exhausting. I did it 3 times : ).
    It’s a phase, and they are going to push you to your limits. If I may pass along Mom to Mom, Be Very Consistent with your rules and time outs. Make a reward board positive actions and praise will bring you more positive behaviors. Also kids act out when they need attention whether it’s positive or negative. I learned the hard way, if your in the middle of a project and the little one is acting up, he’s in need of your attention. If you stop and give hugs & cuddles that should help.
    Wishing You All The Best

    • I’ve survived three once already, so I know what you’re saying…and you’re right. Those things do work wonders. Yesterday was a really bad day. Today seems to be much better. I say that…but we’re not post-nap yet, so we shall see…

  • Oh goodness! I woke up in a cold sweat dreaming I was pregnant the other night… SO glad it was a dream. : ) But I know the rewards out way the rough days.

  • Kayla,
    Tons of parenting books out their will disagree with me, but I say be consistently inconsistent. When he is being a perfect little angel stop everything…..give him the crazy eye / stink eye and pounce into a smacking / deprivation or something fairly despicable. Whenever he is bad do the same, but remember to place the crazy eyed look initially firmly into his little cranium.

    Eventually this wild look you throw him will be all that is required to stop the little beast in his tracks.


  • I’ve been there! I had one that laughed, or seemed bulletproof but it was all bravado. I had to take care not to increase the punishment at the risk of making her hard as nails with a wall up. Once (after a huge long tantrum over nothing) I said “I bet you dont remember what that was all about” – wrong! she did and I nearly started it all again. Anyway now she is a young adult and very strong and with a strong sense of right or wrong. I think the turning point was my husband having a really honest talk with her about how he too often felt just angry, for no reason at all, and perhaps she felt the same. Also he asked me to never use him as a threat, which is fair enough. Stay strong, I found consistent worked better than erratic. x

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