I don’t do this much in real life, and I can’t remember ever having done it on this blog. But fuck it, it’s my space to say what I need to say, and I’m pissed.
He’s a goddamned douchebag, an asshole. At one point in life, he was the father of my children, but now, he’s a fucking sperm donor. Who calls their kids once a fucking month for no good reason other than….what? Short of being where you physically are unable to make a phone call, what fucking reason could you POSSIBLY have? Asshole.
And did it kill you to admit to me that you have a job? Were you afraid I would start demanding child support? You didn’t support us financially when we were married, why the fuck would I expect it now? I take care of our children just fine without YOU. Asshole.
I heard the hesitation in your voice when I asked for your address. No really, douchebag, I want to send you the boys’ school pictures. I always buy enough so you can have a few copies too. The fact that I’ve had to ASK for that information is ridiculous. But for you to hesitate because you’re worried I’ll do something nefarious with it is beyond insulting. Of course, I think you’re more worried I’ll let the state come down on your ass for child support. Asshole.
I don’t need you. I certainly don’t want you. But your children miss you. It used to bother me. Now I’m just waiting. I’m waiting, quietly and patiently, for them to figure it out on their own. They’re young so all they know is that they want their dad. But they’ll learn who and what you are. I just have to sit back and let it happen.
You worry that I badmouth you to your own children. I should be insulted by that, too. You act like you just met me. Fucking asshole – they are my babies, and I will not purposely cause them one moment of angst. To them, because of me, asshole, they think you’re just great – they don’t understand why you moved; they don’t understand why you don’t call or visit. But I do, and you’re an asshole.
I’m not the bitter divorcee that thinks all men are scum because I was dumb enough to pick a douchebag like you. And I don’t blame anyone but myself for my choices in life. I know one thing, I got the best part of you in those little boys. You have no goddamned clue what you are passing up and missing. Asshole.
I don’t need you and one day, hopefully, neither will they. I pray that one day they will have something so much better than you ever dreamed of being – and maybe they’ll never realize what they’re missing. Fucking asshole.
Damn right Kayla. Fuck ’em. Like you said, you know what he’s missing. If he doesn’t know it now, he will eventually. *hugs*
Fuck ’em. I’m actually pretty dispassionate about him most of the time…but tonight was ridiculous on several levels. I feel better now that I’ve vented my spleen a little…((hugs))
I say fuck ’em too! I also say you should by all means go after him for child support. Whether they never need it or not, your kids should have the opportunity to be supported monetarily by their asshole of a father.
He’s out of state now, complicating matters, and my state isn’t as easy to work with as I would like…
I know it is a pain, BELIEVE me. It is even harder when you weren’t married to the man. None of the states are easy to work with, my son’s father is out of state as well.
Don’t look at it as a need. It is their right, and his duty. He can neglect everything else, but not that. 🙂 Ranting is good, you should do it whenever you feel the need, esp on here. That is what this blog is for right? All for you!
You know, you’d think I’d realize that my blog is all for me, but I consider my readers a LOT…and I actually avoid some topics or some posts living in my head…weird, I know…
Not weird. I felt guilty not posting like I should. Somehow we make blogging a duty as well. Your readers, if they are anything like me, like reading about what makes you you, the good the bad and the ugly, it helps us connect. Your blog is for you, I’ll try to remind you 🙂
Thank you. Someone has to remind me! 🙂
Sometimes I consider that others may see me as arrogant – assuming people want to read some of what I have to say. But I would write it even if I was the only one reading it.
I feel for you. I did mine differently. Cut off all communication from the start. I told my child the facts when the timing seemed right. All was accepted. There will never be no hurt though. No matter which way you deal with things. Huh.
If they weren’t so young, I might have done that. My oldest is 7 now, and I think he’s slowly starting to figure it out. The baby (he’s 3) will probably forget his father soon…and I don’t know how I feel about that.
I tell you, the guilt I felt at severing all ties and deciding to tell the facts from my perspective and not giving him an ‘in’ was immense, the depression I went through! But there is no right or wrong way. Being a mother will always be hard in the instance of ‘asshole father’. The kids will always feel the loss, and search to replace it. And wonder why. Just continue to give them all the understanding and love they need from you. Listen to them deeply. The best thing you can teach them, is to love and accept themselves in all their uniqueness, albeit virtually fatherless and all. No-body has everything. 🙂
I agree completely.
In all the things that happened between us during the divorce and then now, afterwards, the only thing that shocked me was this. I always defended him as a loving father even when I couldn’t defend him as a good husband. My heart hurts for my boys, but I know they’ll be ok, in the end.
Amen sistah. You will teach them to be better men. You will.
That’s my goal – my only goal – when it comes to my boys.
Kayla, you are absolutely allowed to post anything and everything here. Personally, I like posts like these because its backstory to the original content. You’re a multilayered woman, after all.
Also, your kids are lucky to have a mama like you. xx Hy
Awww, thanks!
I’ve always avoided anything that might make me look like a bitter, angry person. Talking about my ex pisses me off…lol.
I’m a much better mama than I used to be, that’s for sure. I’ve learned a lot in the past 2 years.
Thanks, though…it means a lot to have someone say that.
Aw! I’m sorry. He sounds horrible and you are lovely and I am sure your kids are too … in spite of his ass-holeyness.
They are sweet little boys, even when they make me crazy…lol
I was just saying the same shit to my best friend about my husband. He refuses to sign the divorce papers but have a baby on the way and playing house elsewhere. He don’t call and refuse to work because child support will get him. Thank you for speaking for us fed up mothers’. LOVE IT…..
I’m sad that I’m not the only one, but I’m glad too. It’s less lonely knowing there are others who understand.