You ever see or read one thing – about a very specific topic – but it makes you think of something else entirely? There’s a connection, or at least the synapses think so, but it might not be obvious?
That was me when I saw this week’s Kink of the Week topic: analingus or rimming.
I acknowledge that anal play feels good, and the few times I’ve had an experience – plugs, fucking, fingering – the sensations were amazing. But my head can’t wrap itself around where that part of my body is and what it’s main function is. I never feel clean enough – and I’ve used multiple douches and enemas to make myself feel clean.
I spend most of the time John Brownstone is near my ass worrying. Orgasms are more difficult. The necessary relaxing of muscles to make any anal play better is more difficult. My head just can’t get into it.
And yes, this means rimming, too. He loves it. He’d lick my ass all day if I’d let him. He’d tongue me, suck me, and basically have a good time. I. Can’t. Do. It.
On the other side of it, if my mind won’t stop obsessing about how clean I am, you can probably imagine what’s going through my head when I get near his butt. The closest I can do is to stroke his perineum (the spot between his anus and his scrotum – sometimes called the “taint,” a word I really don’t like). We’ve talked about prostate massage toys – I think I could hold the handle for him. But talking about it is as far as we’ve gotten.
For the record, I don’t need convincing, tips, tricks, or best practices to “get over it.” Eventually, I either will or I won’t, but right now I have a very physical (and negative) reaction to it. Basically, I get squicked out. Your kink isn’t my kink, but your kink is okay.
Since I have an obvious discomfort with rimming and any sort of anal play, what’s the point of this?
It dawned on me, in thinking about my lack of desire for analingus, that this is one of the reasons why I’m comfortable opening up our relationship. Getting John Brownstone all the literal ass he wants isn’t the only reason, of course, but it’s part of an overall trend for me.
I want him to have what he enjoys. Male or female. Ass or cock or cunt (although, I’ve got firmer rules about him and a cunt that’s not mine). Rimming is a thing he enjoys that I don’t. Even as a submissive, I can’t imagine doing this for him as a service to him. So instead, secure in my trust of him and his love for me, I can say in good faith that I’m okay with him getting what he needs elsewhere.
*Rules and restrictions apply. Read the fine print. I’m still territorial.*
I don’t recommend open relationships for everyone. Just like I get immediate feelings about anal play, you might get immediate bad feelings about someone being intimate with your partner. I get it. But for me, and others like me, I think this is part of it.
Sure, there’s the fun and excitement of meeting someone new, experiencing different sensations with different people, the chase, flirting, and all the rest that may or may not go into it for you. But above all, for me, is a desire for John Brownstone to experience all the kinky fuckery his debauched heart desires, even if I’m not the one to give it to him.
So yes, rimming made me think about our (budding, still new, not really fully formed) open relationship. Weird how those connections get made, huh?
Photo Credit: Pixabay
I have a hunch why analingus is not so much my thing (a combination of upbringing plus nursing experiences), but wonder where you place yours. Or is it just different horses for different courses.
I too love experiencing rimming, and am (almost) happy when he is licking me around the anus. But struggle with doing the same for him. Plus, like you I always worry about being clean etc.
Great post and love the pic xxx
There’s a lot in this post, and definitely some interesting perspectives. I now have one of those “wisdom” quotes floating through my brain:
“An open relationship is like analingus. It’s not for everyone, and things are bound to get a little squicky.”
Thank you for being so much more succinct than I was. That’s the truest and most brilliant way to put it. 🙂
I think it’s great how you see a need you don’t wish to fulfill, and so lovingly grant the freedoms to pursue it with others
It helps that our relationship is the strongest I’ve ever had. Sometimes my anxieties get into my head and have me questioning things, but then reality hits again, and I know this is a safe thing for me to do. 🙂
I love it when I get rimmed, it feels electric. My wife just sort of did it once while licking my balls after I’d had a shower, and it’s been an occasional thing ever since. I’ve tried to return the favor but she jumps when I do – I suspect she has the same feelings as you about it (not that she ever actually articulates anything).
I was going to suggest you utilise a 3rd party to give him his rimjobs but of course you are a smart cookie and have thought of it yourself!
Post-shower is probably the best time for me to even consider anything anal, but I’m glad she does it for you – even if only occasionally. 🙂
We’ve tried analingus, and for us it’s just okay. I don’t get off on anal sex. He enjoys using all of, I enjoy his enjoyment. I too worry about being clean enough for him. Oddly (only if he’s just showered) I actually enjoy being the giver and rimming him.
I’m okay with Sir looking at other women and admiring their beauty and endowments, sometimes I’m the one to point out the nice rack. We are both strongly monogamous. I know if he gets turned on he will want to play with my endowments. I like having all my holes filled but only by him.
I love learning about other people and sharing view points. We are all different and that’s what make us interesting.
Our differences are all fascinating, to be sure. 🙂
OH, Kayla, I get it. As a person with a medical disease that can cause issues with digestion and bowels, yes, no matter what I do to prepare, I never get over the panic of “something might happen”. Or if something is inserted, if it will stay. Or tonguing…”he’ll hate me if”.
And also former nurse, so…
We’ve kind of placed that area off limits for now, because even though touching feels good, I’m not sure what will happen when I relax. And if I know it might be on the evenings menu, then I end up in panic mode abd the whole time is ruined.
Oh my goodness, I can imagine your panic and that feeling alone kills the mood. ((HUGS))
I think you and I are on very similar pages when it comes to this subject. I am OK with other anal play but giving and receiving but mouth to ass… not so much and just for the reasons you say too. Maybe in time I might be able to get my head round it but I am not holding out much hope
As for the open relationship stuff. I have questions *laughs…. Oddly we are dabbling in something similar not that I have written a word about it yet but are you opening it up for you both to explore or just him?
Mollyx
Both but with caveats all over the place lol.
I completely understand how you feel. Whilst I have enjoyed it in the past, having a partner that is squicked out by it makes me more nervous about any form of anal play now.