This week’s Wicked Wednesday prompt is about meeting a stranger on a train. I’d like to tell you something sexy and kinky immediately came to mind, that the idea of meeting a stranger got me hot, wet, and ready for kinky fuckery. It didn’t.
I’m not good with strangers.
People who’ve met me in person after knowing me online will beg to differ, but here in this place,to me, you’re not a stranger. Not usually. Have we had a few conversations? Perved each other on social media or our mutual blogs? Do I love how you write, think, or do your kinky fuckery? Well, hell, we’re practically family at that point.
Of course I’ll hug and laugh and talk way too much when we meet. I’ll forget about my discomfort. You’ll never believe I’m an introvert. Hell, I’ll be as rowdy and kinky in person as I am here on the screen. Well, I won’t strip my clothes off…don’t get too excited.
But people who are new to me? People I just met? People I don’t know at all?
Eek! I’d like to hide in a closet, please. (I almost wrote “under the bed” but you see how that could be a problem, right?!) Call me when they’re not a stranger anymore.
Oh, that’s right. People only stop being strangers once you make eye contact, have a conversation, and connect. That’s the hard part.
While John Brownstone and I talk about the next stage of our relationship, the caveat is that I know I can’t do it alone. I can’t meet a total stranger. I can’t do that eye contact thing.
Part of it’s introversion (a very small part). Part of its anxiety. Part of it is a lack of confidence. Part of it is an inability to pursue another person.
Believe it or not, I’m not sexually or romantically forward with anyone until I’m at the John-Brownstone-level of comfort. As you can imagine, that’s a pretty high level to achieve. I have to be pursued. I have to be approached. I almost have to be coaxed into it – made to believe the other person has a genuine interest.
Except I don’t make eye contact or talk to people I don’t know. See where this gets complicated?
Basically, I’m a lot of fucking work. And I don’t expect anyone to pursue me that hard (imagine my surprise when John Brownstone did all those years ago!). I’m not going to do it, so why should anyone else, right?
I talk good game about fucking and sucking someone other than him. But I also know it’s because he’ll be there. He’ll initiate things. He’ll guide me. He’ll lead. I’ll follow him down a path and find my own pleasure in the process.
But a stranger? No, I can’t imagine that happening at all.
Strangers are scary. You’re totally not alone.
Terrifying!
Oh yes, I totally agree, strangers are scary! If it wasn’t for Master T I would never have started meeting others to play with. And, it’s because he’s always with me that we keep on meeting then. Then again, we never meet then before we’ve had several conversations with them online, which, like you have said, doesn’t make it a stranger anymore. That was the same when I started my writing group just more than four years ago – those people were not strangers anymore since I’ve had conversations with them online before. But, meeting a total stranger if only for a cup of coffee? Never!
Rebel xox
I think that makes me feel better, that he leads you through that. I know we can make this anything we want but knowing someone else handles it in a similar way definitely helps. 🙂
After reading this it makes me scratch my head with wonder how I did get through all that to where we are now.
The Universe made it so, lol.
I don’t do well with strangers either. I’m not likely to make eye contact even if I know you well. Becoming friends and more with my husband was a miracle. Sometimes the universe is kind.
Thank goodness for the universe.
Well done you too. I am really looking forward to reading more about this as you venture on
Mollyx
Thank you. I’m looking forward to having more to write about.
I truly understand, Kayla. Meeting a stranger/new people is fraught with all kinds of issues.
In fact, after I filed for divorce long time ago, I was t even interested in dating. The last time I tried to date was 1986. And though I thought I knew the person I dated and eventually married, I found out two years into our marriage that I truly did not. So, 2003 rolls around, I’ve filed for divorce, I’m cleaning out my headspace, my closet, and delighted in throwing my massive Princess Di wedding dress in the trash.
I kept nothing but pictures from this time in my life, abd they were for my children. I looked forward to years of freedom, peace, and…wait a minute!
When I wasn’t paying close attention, a coworker became more than a coworker.
He wasn’t The Stranger, but someone I eventually got to know rather well, without all those things about intimacy that throws someone like you and I off our balance.
Eventually we did settle into a relationship, and we eventually married. I wrote eventually twice because after my first experience, I wanted to go through his life and mine with a microscope to make sure he and I actually should be together. And that was before we even discussed all kinds of sexual issues.
I think my aversion to meeting new people is part introversion and part skepticism. I do not make friends easily. I have to be given sufficient knowledge before I feel as though I should be befriending someone. If I don’t have any upfront knowledge about them, I proceed with a great deal of caution, and enough extroversion to make them feel comfortable without telling them much of anything. I can extrovert sufficiently to get through an initial meeting. Doesn’t mean I’m not terrified as hell inside. It just means that no one knows that fact but myself.
I know it’s a protective mechanism. But I don’t know that mechanism will ever change. Perhaps that’s not a bad thing. I’m perfectly fine in having a small well defined group of friends and a larger group of acquaintances.
Part introversion, part skepticism – YES! I know this feeling well. Faking the extroversion is something I know well. Most people never have a clue that I’m dying on the inside or that I’m keeping them at arms length until I’m comfortable.
I think protective mechanisms are mostly useful and healthy. Since I’m the no-drama kind of person, it’s worked well for me, too. 🙂