Earlier this week, I wrote a post about using checklists to figure out your limits (which I’ve updated to add another checklist). It was a precursor to this week’s Loving BDSM podcast show on boundaries and limits.
In the conversation, I had a light bulb moment about boundaries, and we talked seriously about discovering your limits and experimenting, growing, and identifying what you just won’t do.
Something we didn’t say in the show, but I think needs to be said:
Beware the person who says they have absolutely no limits. They either have a lot to learn, they’re desperate for approval, or they’re willing to do really dangerous things (that they may or may not know how to do safely).
From the show:
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- What are limits and boundaries?
- Is there a difference?
- Hard limit vs. soft limit.
- Hard limits can be anything. Twitter friend mentioned tickling as a limit for her. Whatever it is, must be respected.
- Soft limits often come from a place of lack of knowledge
- Use checklist to learn your limits and discover what you both like (or don’t like)
- Talk about what you think your limits are in the beginning of a relationship but update as you go along.
- As you get used to your partner or learn more about what you like and don’t like, your limits change.
- When trying something new, start slowly. Exercise patience.
- How you handle a new experience will color your feelings about that boundary or limit forever. Take it slow. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
- Every aspect of BDSM has a boundary or a limit for you, even if you haven’t discovered it yet.
Listen to the show:
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