Broken-Hearted Submissives Believe Myths About Themselves #podcast

When a submissive gets their heart broken, especially when they really didn’t see it coming (but not always), we tend to have one reaction…

“It’s all my fault! If I hadn’t been too much/too needy/not enough…I’d still be in a D/s relationship!”

Lies, all lies.

Can the end of a relationship be something you caused? Sometimes.

Is it more likely that the vibe didn’t work, timing was off, or you simply weren’t compatible? I think so.

Lately I’ve received multiple messages from submissives who have gone through a breakup and believe it’s because they’re either not enough or too much. So when I found myself doing the show by myself, I knew this was the topic to discuss since it affects so many of us.

From the show:

  • Our spanking videos are now available through my website via a paid membership if you don’t want to use Patreon!
  • John Brownstone had to take a week off to work with his wood. Ha!
  • This week’s topic comes straight from the multiple messages and emails submissives send me when their heart is broken.
  • I empathize completely with their feelings because I remember feeling the same way. Unfortunately, most of it isn’t true.
  • The lies and myths submissives believe about themselves include:
    • Being too much.
    • Being too needy.
    • Not enough.
    • Maybe I’m not cut out for this.
    • Maybe I’m unloveable.
    • I’m a bother.
    • I ask too much.
  • Submissives assume the blame when a relationship fails, telling themselves if they’d been a better submissive, it could have lasted.
  • In reality, it’s often no one’s fault, and more likely you and your partner weren’t compatible. Or you found a bad one and it’s a good thing they’re gone. (Yes, it’s hard to believe this when your heart is broken.)
  • Many submissives will do “anything” to get the relationship back instead of allowing themselves to heal and move on.
  • The grieving process takes as long as it takes. Don’t try to rush it or feel bad if you think it’s taking “too long.”
  • Don’t try to be something you’re not to hold onto a relationship.
  • Drink wine, eat too much, do whatever you need to do to grieve, but then pick yourself back up. You can do it.
  • Let the failed relationships go and learn from your mistakes – it’s the only way to find the right partner.
  • If you keep going through the same heartbreak over and over again, make sure you’re not choosing the same type of partner every time. Remember, insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result.
  • You are not broken, too much, or not enough. And yes, you deserve a lasting, loving D/s relationship.

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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