Asking for Changes #podcast

I’m gonna give you a big ole spoiler for this week’s Loving BDSM podcast episode (but I have another reason you should sooooo listen).

A few weeks ago, I asked John Brownstone if I could cut my hair. Not just a few inches like I did several months ago. No, I’m talkin’ a bob, a pixie cut, something other than what I pull back into a messy ponytail because who has two thumbs and gives two shits about styling her hair? This girl!

Why is this a big deal and why is it a show?

One of the first things I knew about John Brownstone is that he wanted his submissive to have long hair. It’s a common thing among Dominants (no, I’m not saying every Dominant wants their sub to have hair down to their ass). And I was happy to do it for him. Even when I asked for a few inches off before, it was more because my hair didn’t look healthy at the extra-long length, and neither of us wants me to look like no one cares about me or my hair.

But now, he’s had over two years to live with long hair. Anyone with long hair knows this: hair is everywhere. Hair bunches. Hair knots. Hair comes together for meetings in your dryer and comes out as a  creature that could frighten small children. So. Much. Fucking. Hair.

And yes, I want it shorter – especially now that I’m losing weight and can see cheekbones in my face again. At this point, even he’s tired of there being hair everywhere (did I mention that part)?

In episode 54, I started talking about during the bonus section of the show (where all my ramblings go to die) and I was stopped by the Dom Voice and (even though you couldn’t see it) the Dom Look. For episode 55, he was willing to let me talk about it under the umbrella of, “What you think you want in your D/s relationship will sometimes (always, often, usually?) change.”

Okay, so I spoiled the big story, but I have another reason you should listen and it comes at the last five or 10 minutes of the show. All I’ll say about it is two words: spankings and video. Take a listen and your feedback is needed/wanted/begged for/appreciated.

And if this topic seems familiar, I’m pretty sure we’ve touched on it before, but some things need to be repeated, and if we hadn’t, I might not have come up with a certain idea that is just so crazy and brilliant it might work (this is me shamelessly teasing you so you’ll listen to the end of the show).

From the show:

  • Save 72% off the Double Entendre Box from Unbounce (September 2016 only)
  • I asked for a change in something John Brownstone said was a “must have” of us, and he agreed to consider it.
  • Over time, what you want, need, and expect in your D/s relationship can and will change.
  • Changes happen for a lot of reasons. We change because the reality vs. the fantasy is never the same. We change because we mature. We change because of health issues.
  • The important thing is to communicate your desire or need for that change with your partner.
  • If your partner asks for something you’re not comfortable doing, you can look for options outside of your relationship.
  • If your partner says “No” to the change you’re asking for, you’ll have to decide if it’s something you can live without or not. There are no easy answers.
  • Communication is always the starting point. Understanding, compromise, and sometimes trust are needed to deal with the changes.
  • Bonus section: An idea occurred to me during this portion, and I reeeeeeeeally need your feedback.

Listen to the show:

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Omg I would pay to see a video of you guys and would love to see you get spank. Also can John Brownstone speak in his Dom voice when he pulled your hair (love hair pulling) you moaned and he spoke panties melted. I enjoy the information you talk about going on 17 yeare being together with my husband and things do change vanilla or kink agree with being open and honest. Hope you do a video and see a new hair do

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