Having to postpone production of the Loving BDSM podcast last week was not fun. Neither was spending two very long nights dealing with a mic that refused to work and then listening to the awful sound when we tried older recording methods (clearly, we’ve been spoiled). So holding off until the new mic arrived was the best decision, but it suuuuuucked.
You know what doesn’t suck?
How we sound with the new mic! Thanks to the Life on the Swingset podcast for the recommendation, and thanks to Amazon for not taking too damn long to give us a refund and ship the new one.
This week we’ve tackled a huge topic. We’re not just talking about the need to communicate, but sharing our own methods for effectively communicating in a D/s relationship. A lot of people keep the bad habits from their previous relationships and don’t always consider that how you talk to each other is as important as the fact that you’re talking at all. Or you know you need to communicate better, but you’re not sure what that means or where to begin.
I warn you now, it’s a long episode, and there’s a lot more we could have said about it. Hopefully, for anyone struggling with this in your own relationship, we’ve given you some new things to consider and try.
Oh, and before someone “reminds” me, yes, communication is equally as important in a vanilla relationship. Yes, good communication in a vanilla relationship happens and creates long-term loving relationships. No, the need to communicate well isn’t just for kinksters. Okay, are we good?
From the show:
- Thanks to a fellow podcaster’s recommendation, a new mic was found, installed, and is working just fine!
- The decision to not produce a show until the mic could be replaced wasn’t easy – we missed everyone! But recording a bad sounding show wasn’t an option either.
- This week’s show is about talking to one another – during conflict, when you’re teasing, and when you have important things to share.
- Not everything that can (or should) be said can be contained within one show, but this is a good place to start.
- Kinksters tend to be sarcastic. Sarcastic submissives have to balance their natural tendencies with respect for their Dominants.
- Teasing works in some D/s relationships but always with respect.
- If you continue communicating like you did in past failed vanilla relationships, it could hurt your D/s relationship.
- Screaming, slammed doors, and silence aren’t effective.
- Dominants who shout in anger tend to be viewed as out of control.
- When a problem comes up and one or both partners are angry, it’s best to take time – an hour, a day – to calm down before discussing the problem.
- When in doubt, write down your feelings.
- Learn how to listen – which doesn’t mean letting someone talk and simultaneously thinking about your own response. Lean in, make eye contact, ask questions, nod your head – these are all indications that you’re actively listening to your partner.
- Learn how to say what you feel. Dominants may be hesitant to talk about feelings or concerns because they believe they’re supposed to be strong. Submissives may not talk for fear of judgement.
- Watch your body language when your partner tells you something new to you. Making faces or noises of disgust, crossing your arms, and other signs could cause your partner to shut down.
- You don’t have to be good at communicating with each other – yet. You only have to be willing to try.
- Apologize when you are disrespectful, shout, or don’t give your partner room to say what they need to say.
- If you’re in a D/s relationship with someone who refuses to talk, listen, or even try to communicate with you, you need to rethink your relationship. Growth occurs when you both talk to one another – about good and bad and everything in between.
- Get comfortable being silent in each other’s presence. You don’t always have to talk, but when you know ideas and questions are encouraged and welcomed, that silence can present opportunities to have big conversations.
- We want to hear your thoughts and ideas about effectively communicating in a D/s relationship. Contact us and share!
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