Wicked Wednesday

How Will Our D/s Relationship Change As We Age?

John Brownstone is 18 years older than I am.

My father was 19 years older than my mother.

My grandmother was three years older than my grandfather.

In my family, age ain’t nothin’ but a number.

But I’d be a liar if I said I don’t think about what will happen as we age. When I was still “objective” about John Brownstone and questioning everything (just ask him, I really did ask a million and one questions), I wanted to know what kind of longevity his family had.


Because my family tends to die by their early 60s. Clearly, I intend to beat those odds but was I about to hand my heart to someone who would be gone in a decade? (By the way, once I realized the depth of my feelings, IΒ knewΒ I’d rather have 10 good years instead of nothing at all.)

Good news:

His family lives long, loooooong lives. His grandmother was in her 90s when she passed away. His father still works full time and he’s almost 80. I like those odds.

But what will our D/s look like when he’s in his 60s, 70s, 80s, and yes damn it, he better be around in his 90s?

Will he still be Daddy?

Will he still smack my ass whenever I walk by?

Will we be able to get away with more because of our age? I always said I wanted to be an old lady that shocked everyone around her. Calling my 90-something year old partner “Daddy” would probably be shocking to the young whippersnappers around us.

I’m hopeful enough to believe that if we take care of ourselves, we can keep our sexy, kinky fun going for a few decades.

I’m realistic enough to know that it’ll change over the years. Our bodies will age and change. Our abilities will change. Hell, I’m sure our tastes and preferences will change.

Will he always be my Daddy? I think so, even if we shed those titles for something else.

Will I always be his babygirl? I have no doubt, even if he calls me something different.

Yes, our attraction grew from a love of kinky sex and a need for a power exchange. But we’re building a life based on our love and care of one another. If tomorrow he could no longer smack my ass, I wouldn’t love him any less than I do right now.

The same is true in 30 years when he’s the cranky old man telling those damn kids to get off his lawn.

The D/s is part of who we are, but it’s not everything. We know that we can get those needs met without the sexual component, if those are our only options.

We may have decided to pursue a relationship because of our kinky ways, but it’s not why we stay together. D/s is a powerful tool between people who need the power exchange, and it can certainly get you through hard times, but for a relationship to last, there has to be something more beneath the kinky fun. For us, that thing is love.

And we have it in spades.


Wicked Wednesday


About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • So this explains why when we first met you opened my mouth and checked my teeth.
    Here I thought it was to see how well I could bite you, you were just checking out the goods…LOL

  • Beautiful and thoughtful post. So many things in this post rings true for us too. All except the age aspect, as I am only two years younger than my husband, but as we age, we know things will change. Love is our primary and D/s is only a part of it.

    Rebel xox

  • I didn’t come to D/s until I was 49. Now,working on year 8 of our relationship, I can see that our dynamic is *constantly* changing. My role has changed, his role has changed…and yet, the Dom/submissive part is still there at the core of it. Sure, we don’t see one another nearly as much as we did those first few years. And our playtimes have been limited mostly because for both of us, our jobs have changed, family roles have changed. And of course, we’re not 24/7 as you and JB are…

    The needs are still there. Distance, time, none of that matters. We are still strong in our committment to TTWD…even if it doesn’t play out in the flesh as much as it used to. Such is life. Next year I’ll have more time to be with him again, and we’ll slide into those places again–older, yes, but still wanting…needing…those wicked things. Love, as you say, is the mortar that holds it all together.



    • I have a feeling the constant change is the thing that surprises people the most – I know it shocked me. You think that what you start with is what will continue, and like you said, at the core, is the D/s, but the way you maneuver through it is always changing. Change is the only constant in life. Even a kinky one.

  • Age is definitely just a number. There was a huge gap in my parents’ ages and they couldn’t have been more suited to one another.

    Love is the most powerful of ties that bind, irrespective of what else there may be, love is the glue.

    Velvet x

  • I can totally relate to this. Michael is 12 years older than me. I hope that we age together and that it never becomes and issue but only time will tell in the meantime we are blissfully happy and living it up like were both 18


    • I say enjoy the blissfully happy times now so that when (if) things change with age, you have the memories and have built the foundation for whatever life brings you. πŸ˜€

  • Wonderful post . . . and I totally agree that for any loving relationship there has to be more than just one “shared interest”!
    I’m looking forward to you re-visiting this post in a decade!!!
    Xxx – K

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