I’m angry with myself.
I woke up this morning, feeling every negative emotion, thinking every negative thought. It’s understandable. Last night, I allowed myself to express my thoughts and feelings (thank you sweet red wine), so of course there’s overflow from that in the morning. That’s not what pisses me off.
Will anyone ever love me as deeply as I love them? Of course they will, but only the one who’s worthy of it!
God, I feel so ugly and gross. But I am attractive (in my own way). No supermodel here, but I know I have a body that makes men want to touch. I know I have a bright smile and an infectious laugh. I know I have an ass made for grabbing and spanking and tits made for holding onto. I know that I have a mouth made for kissing – thank you, nature for full lips. I know that when I want to, I look damn good.
Will I be alone forever? And that’s when I got angry. I won’t be alone forever. Forever’s a long fucking time. When I think shit like this, I devalue myself. If it’s not him (God, I hope it is), then it will be someone. My standards are a lot fucking higher now than they used to be, though.
I am an attractive, sexy, smart, loving, kind, friendly, loyal friend and lover. Anybody would be lucky to fucking have me in their life! And right now, I’m waiting for the one I believe is it for me. That doesn’t make me less attractive or desirable. Fuck, it should make me MORE so.
I know there aren’t many women like me in the world, and I’m ok with that. I know I don’t love like a lot of people love, I don’t think the way others think, and when my mind is set there’s not a lot that can be done to change my course. I know that I look at the world a little differently and that when I love, I truly give selflessly (as hard as it may be). And goddamnit, I know I’m fucking valuable and worthy to the one fortunate enough to have my fucking heart!
Sometimes I just need a good talking-to, I guess.