And Who Do You Think You Are?

I have spent most of my adult life thinking that exact question whenever someone, especially a husband, boyfriend, lover, whatever tried to tell me what they thought I should do.  It was more like, “Who the fuck do you think you are?” but you get my point.

My, oh my, how things change.

I have had short hair for 10 years. I grew it out while I was engaged, got it chopped off two days after I got married.  My then-husband preferred long hair, and I didn’t care.  I wanted short hair, so by God in hell, I got short hair.  Kept it that way, didn’t ask his opinion, didn’t care.

One of the first D/s interactions I had with my Sir was about my hair.

“You will grow it long, and if you decide to color it, I will decide what color.”

For half a second, my ball-busting, bitch self reared in my mind, and then scurried away with her tail between her legs.  I know this because what came out of my mouth was, “Yes, Sir” in the meekest tone I’ve probably uttered to date.

I’ve eaten what I wanted for years.  I lost weight on my own, no help from anyone.  I believe I looked at my ex-husband many years ago, and said, “Don’t even think about telling me what I can and can’t eat. If I want to eat a fucking doughnut, that’s what I’ll do”  And then I gave him the “look” – if you’re a woman who’s ever had a bitch-from-hell moment, you know the look I’m referring to.  Men, if you ever dated or married the bitch-from-hell, you know the look, too.

A week ago, I practically begged my Sir to please take over control of that aspect of my life.  And while there have been moments when it’s been difficult, it’s something I’ve needed – because it works, because it’s easy, because I derive comfort from it.

So how did I manage to make a complete 180?  My Sir tells me all the time that I am a natural submissive, that I never encountered the man I was willing to submit to.  My gut reaction makes me say it’s because of how I feel about my Sir, the love I feel.  But that’s incomplete.  It’s about respect and trust, too.  Before I could ever admit I loved Him, I respected Him and from there, trust grew.  In my limited experience, I think it takes all three – respect, trust, and love.

I firmly believe that if one of the three elements was missing, I’d be a bratty submissive.  I’d top from the bottom.  (And no I’m not trying to imply that bratty submissives top from the bottom – I have no clue if that’s what they do.) But I know me.  If the trust, the respect, or the love were missing, I would try to take control.  This would be role play; it wouldn’t be real.

This is very real to me.

And when a demand is placed upon me that I am not used to or that I know I would have rejected in a previous life, when I respond to that demand, I no longer wonder who the hell He thinks He is.  The difference now is that I know who I am.


About the author

Kayla Lords

I am an erotic author, sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, and an opinionated marketer. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I figure the trust, love, respect thing is pivotal. That would make the difference for me. It’s interesting how that works for us.

  • Girl, I feel like I’m reading ‘myself’ in your pieces–I’ve thought and felt exactly the same things and like you, rejected my sexuality for a long time,Then quite by surprize, discovered I was a submissive–in addition to being a feminist. That was hard to wrap my head around for a while !
    == I appreciate the thumbs up for my story, thank you. [the evening is all fiction uinfortunately. .haha]

    • When I let myself go, I don’t think too much about it, but when I’m in my head, it’s hard to reconcile submissiveness with my feminist self…what helps is that I am a much more confident woman than I was before…without my sexual submission, I don’t know that I could look an asshole in the eyes and tell them to kiss it…lol

      Well, I love your fiction!

  • Regarding the feminist/submissive quandary–I finally realized these were just 2 different aspects co-residing in me, and one does not preclude the other. I think most Doms worth the time appreciate a strong woman. . they see that the submission is a conscious, ongoing choice that honors him

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