I feel like I should send chocolate or flowers to Galen Fous as an apology. He asked me months ago to read and review his (at the time) latest book, Decoding Your Kink, and it never happened. Not until I committed to reading and reviewing more - and keeping my word in a more timely manner!
So, in case you wondered, yes, I received a copy of his book in exchange for an honest review.
I'm not going to tell you about how well written it was - it was decent and rather scholarly, so take that as you will.
I'm not going to gush over it because there were times when I wasn't as enthralled as I prefer to be when reading.
What I will say is if you are new to kink, trying to figure yourself out and what you want in the world of kink, or just feel lost in it all (even if you've been actively kinky for years), I would suggest reading this book.
He writes in a conversational style, so it's not completely like reading a textbook, but he also discusses what I would consider "high level" concepts about sexuality. Not that you won't understand those concepts, just that it's less about the physical gratification and more about the mental, spiritual, and emotional when figuring out your kink.
My Favorite Parts of Decoding Your Kink
He's quick to remind the reader throughout that your expression of kink is unique to you. There is no right or wrong. Consent, safety, and negotiation are the only rules to follow.
He recognizes that people hide away their sexuality for years, decades even, based on fear, shame, and confusion. As a fetish psychotherapist, he works with clients all the time to help them get to a point where they can name their desires, let alone act on them.
His assertion that we have multiple parts to ourselves, including multiple parts even to our sexuality, reinforced my own views on that subject.
He believes (and I agree) that our sexuality is a normal part of our personalities and selves and the shame and fear we're made to feel is harmful to everyone. With a (slowly) changing society where women are beginning to own our sexuality more and sexual identities are becoming more common and known, he believes we may (one day) be able to be more open about our sexual identities.
There was so much good in this book, even as some of the text went on a more mystical bent than I normally care for. The best part, by far, in a more practical sense? He has a section at the end that discusses what to do if you're single and identify as kinky or you're in a relationship and have untapped erotic desires (with a compatible or incompatible partner).
This is for those people who ask me (and it happens all the time), "What do I do if I want this and my partner doesn't?" His advice differs from mine only slightly (which made me feel good, lol) but his is also rooted in his own experiences and his work with clients.
Would I recommend Decoding Your Kink? Absolutely - if you're new, searching for answers, or just want to think about kink at a higher level.
About Decoding Your Kink
The book includes extensive guidelines to embrace one’s authentic sexuality, decode an array of Kink fantasies, and access the ecstatic sexual depths inherent in anyone’s wildest sexual desires. Techniques are offered to negotiate honestly for what one desires, create profound trust between partners, and begin to resolve old shame, trauma and fear about one’s authentic sexuality.
Decoding Your Kink provides easy to follow practices for individuals and partners to safely share their deepest intimacies. Once trust is built, partners may access mind shattering orgasmic states offered by conscious expression of their most taboo Kinky yearnings.
Also included in the book are revealing and provocative analysis of people's kinkiest fantasies gleaned from over 2000 participants in the innovative Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey. Fous developed this anonymous 40-question survey in support of his research into the nature of a recently visible sexual identity he defines as Fetishsexuality, aka Kink.
"This book conveys what I have learned about Conscious Kink and D/s-BDSM sexuality over the last 15 years as a Fetish-positive therapist, researcher and public advocate for sex-positive values. It includes reporting and case studies from the 100’s of singles and couples I’ve supported who desired to come to terms with old experiences of shame, fear and trauma, and understand how to embody their edgiest sexual fantasies in a mature, consensual, conscious manner.
I share hard earned insights from my personal journey into the Kink lifestyle as well." Galen Fous MTP
Get a Copy of Decoding Your Kink
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