Welcome to Wicked Wednesday. This week’s topic focuses on decisions.
My life is a dichotomy when it comes to power, authority, and decision-making.
With Daddy, I’m happy not to make any decisions. I have no need to be in charge or to hold any authority. I follow where he leads, trusting him completely. If he asks my opinion, I offer it. There are times when I tell him what I think about a situation, but always with the trust and knowledge that he will make the best possible decision. I never demand (with serious intent) anything, although I may suggest a course of action that I believe is best.
I am aware that a Dominants role comes with a great deal of responsibility. Daddy’s decisions affect both of us, and he must decide what is best in any given situation.
Outside of our relationship, things are a bit different. At work, I’m a bitch from hell. I want the job done right, and in my mind, only I know the right way. I’m in charge of my department, and the only person who can tell me no is the CEO. I like it that way. Of course, there are times when I’m not allowed to make the decision I know is best – woe to the person left to deal with me when that happens.
I’m anal retentive, Type A, and OCD about my work. I know how it needs to be done in order to be done well, and I don’t suffer fools well. (I sound like a delight to work with, don’t I?) I’ve been told I’m intimidating because of the authority I hold and the way I make decisions. I don’t mean to be. I simply believe I know what’s best.
At home, I’m mom – the only parent, and I’m out-numbered. I think I’ve finally mastered The Look or maybe it’s the crazy-eye. Either way, there are times when a simple look will stop a little boy in his tracks. They don’t love all of my decisions, but they abide by them. That’s all that matters. I’m not trying to be their friend. I figure if they’re mad at me at least some of the time, I’m doing something right.
In life we make decisions all of the time – some are easier for me than others. While I may be large and in charge at work and as a mom, there are times that making the simple decision of what to eat or what to wear is excruciating. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know what’s best. I don’t care. Or I know exactly what I want, but I know why that’s not the best choice. Those times are almost paralyzing. I think that’s why I’m always planning – I’m thinking ahead a few hours, days, weeks, sometimes even years. I map scenarios out in my head and decide what I’ll do long before the situation arises. Even something as simple as dinner can go through this process. (Sad but true.)
It’s no wonder I need my Daddy. Only when he’s with me, and we’re fully ensconced in our roles and routines, am I able to simply exist and live from moment to moment. For a brief time, decisions are put to the side.