Red Flags and Signs of a Bad Dominant

This week’s podcast is a bit of a doozy, and it covers something I blogged about in April of 2015 – bad Dominants, red flags, and what to do about them. Yes, I revisited a former topic because, damn it, it’s just that important and too many people are caught in bad entanglements with people who call themselves Dominants but don’t deserve the title.

Would you believe I had to record this week’s episode three freaking times?! Technical issues are a pain in the butt (and not a good one). Each time, the episode got longer because I found more to say.

If you listen to it and I sound a little subdued (just a little), two reasons: my throat was killing me by that third time and I got into some heavy, serious, worrisome stuff. Hopefully none of this applies to your D/s relationship, but if you know someone who could use the info, please share it with them. The entire community is better when we shed light on the wannabes who prey on people.

In this episode:

  • Kayla’s back in good health and ready to rant. This week is based on a question she answered for Submissive Guide where every line was a red flag of a bad Dominant.
  • This week’s episode is based off a popular post written in 2015 along the same lines.
  • Not trying to bash all Dominants and a similar episode about red flags and submissives is coming soon.
  • This list geared towards male Dominants but if bad female Dominants have their own red flags or do any of these things, Kayla wants to know.
  • What are those red flags?
  • Demanding a title not earned.
  • Introducing himself with a dick pic or orders to be obeyed.
  • Sending unsolicited instructions.
  • Ignoring hard limits.
  • Ignoring safewords.
  • Lying.
  • Thinking only of his own pleasure, never yours.
  • Making you feel bad about yourself.
  • Isolating you from friends and family.
  • Telling you you’re not a real submissive because you have your own opinions, don’t agree, etc.
  • Requiring that you research and learn how to be a “true” submissive on your own.
  • Some red flags are clear signs of abuse and even rape.
  • Ignore the idiots online, report online harassment, and unfriend and block anyone you don’t want to deal with.
  • In person, get out of a bad relationship. Get help if you need it (links to domestic violence information in the reference link section).
  • It’s better to be alone than in a bad relationship – regardless of the flavor.

Links and a full transcript are available on the show notes page (click the button below).

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About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


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