Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt is all about leadership…and that got me thinking.
John Brownstone – my Dominant and my Daddy – is the leader in our relationship. But his leadership doesn’t look like the stereotype that some of us may be used to.
He doesn’t talk big. He doesn’t shout. He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t grand-stand. He doesn’t always speak and think on his feet.
His leadership is quiet and effective. He takes his time. His words are measured long before he speaks. He admits when he doesn’t know something.
Sometimes his leadership is about pushing me in front, allowing me to take charge because he knows I have the most knowledge.
In my experience, these are good qualities in any leader – in any situation. This isn’t just a D/s thing, although we apply it to our relationship.
Sometimes, he needs to step in front and lead the charge. Other times, he melts into the background and leads from behind, pushing me to be better, achieve more, and make things happen on my own.
There was a time when I would have said that I needed to be in charge and in control. I realized, later, that my need to lead was about trust. If I couldn’t trust the people around me, I had to lead. In some ways, as in my previous career, it helped me earn respect, establish my role, and move up in the ranks. In my marriage, I had to take charge or we would have been homeless and hungry. Either way, I was considered a Type A, OCD, control freak – and even now, when something matters to me, I still am.
I relished my control and gnashed my teeth when I felt out of control. But in the small quiet moments of life when I went inside my head and lived with my own thoughts, I could admit that I was exhausted, weary, and hated being in charge. I wanted someone who was willing to take care of me. I wanted to follow someone else’s lead because I knew my way wasn’t always the best way – but it was all I had. But I pushed those thoughts away as weak and childish.
Raised to be an independent woman who “didn’t need a man,” it was hard to admit that while I might not need a man to lead me, but I wanted one who could. Not the one I had – and later, few of the ones I met. But yes, the little girl buried beneath layers of independence and control was desperate for someone to take the load off.
In our relationship, Daddy leads and I follow. There is strength in both. His leadership doesn’t look like the leadership I was raised to believe was right – and I am grateful for it. My willingness to follow isn’t the weakness I once perceived it to be.
We trust each other to do our part – and that’s what makes the dynamic successful. I know that his decisions are deliberate and measured, carefully weighed and considered. He knows I will speak my mind, share what I know, and give my opinion – but at the end of the day, I defer to him in all things.
For us, it works.