Wicked Wednesday

He Leads, I Follow #WickedWednesday

rainbow circle that says Wicked Wednesday

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt is all about leadership…and that got me thinking.

John Brownstone – my Dominant and my Daddy – is the leader in our relationship. But his leadership doesn’t look like the stereotype that some of us may be used to.

He doesn’t talk big. He doesn’t shout. He doesn’t raise his voice. He doesn’t grand-stand. He doesn’t always speak and think on his feet.

His leadership is quiet and effective. He takes his time. His words are measured long before he speaks. He admits when he doesn’t know something.

Sometimes his leadership is about pushing me in front, allowing me to take charge because he knows I have the most knowledge.

In my experience, these are good qualities in any leader – in any situation. This isn’t just a D/s thing, although we apply it to our relationship.

Sometimes, he needs to step in front and lead the charge. Other times, he melts into the background and leads from behind, pushing me to be better, achieve more, and make things happen on my own.

There was a time when I would have said that I needed to be in charge and in control. I realized, later, that my need to lead was about trust. If I couldn’t trust the people around me, I had to lead. In some ways, as in my previous career, it helped me earn respect, establish my role, and move up in the ranks. In my marriage, I had to take charge or we would have been homeless and hungry. Either way, I was considered a Type A, OCD, control freak – and even now, when something matters to me, I still am.

I relished my control and gnashed my teeth when I felt out of control. But in the small quiet moments of life when I went inside my head and lived with my own thoughts, I could admit that I was exhausted, weary, and hated being in charge. I wanted someone who was willing to take care of me. I wanted to follow someone else’s lead because I knew my way wasn’t always the best way – but it was all I had. But I pushed those thoughts away as weak and childish.

Raised to be an independent woman who “didn’t need a man,” it was hard to admit that while I might not need a man to lead me, but I wanted one who could. Not the one I had – and later, few of the ones I met. But yes, the little girl buried beneath layers of independence and control was desperate for someone to take the load off.

In our relationship, Daddy leads and I follow. There is strength in both. His leadership doesn’t look like the leadership I was raised to believe was right – and I am grateful for it. My willingness to follow isn’t the weakness I once perceived it to be.

We trust each other to do our part – and that’s what makes the dynamic successful. I know that his decisions are deliberate and measured, carefully weighed and considered. He knows I will speak my mind, share what I know, and give my opinion – but at the end of the day, I defer to him in all things.

For us, it works.

Wicked Wednesday

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • We fit well together, in the months we have been together slowly we have begun to find our stride. Granted it isn’t always perfect but then neither are we, there are moments like last week but we , talk about it, learn form it and grow.

  • This post speaks to me. I’ve been feeling adrift lately and unable to focus on what I need right now.
    I needed to see this. Thank you so much for sharing!

  • I agree with you that a strong leader uses the strengths of his follower(s). The important thing is that both are successful and happy…. and you are 🙂

    We have been figuring this out too… So it was great to see your post.


    • It’s not something I think about, as a rule. Without the prompt, it would have continued to just be something we do. I mean, yes, in D/s, there’s a clear leader, but I don’t think much about his leadership – I simply accept it, because it works.

      Glad you’re finding your own way. It’s hard, in the beginning, to let go of the total, absolute control, but with the right partner, it’s an amazing feeling when it works. 🙂

  • The way your Daddy leads sounds a lot like the way my Husband leads – not always on the foreground, but sometimes pushing me to do things He knows I can and I sometimes doubt. I cannot be without his leadership, and that makes me strong, not weak.

    Nice post!

    Rebel xox

    • I knew it wasn’t just us. 🙂

      One of the things I need and love about D/s is that I’m made better for being pushed outside of my comfort zones – a good Dominant is a good leader. 🙂

  • This really resonated with me Kayla, I feel like you got inside my head and explained why I am the way I am. Right down to the OCD thing. lol

    Now if I could just work out the trust stuff I might actually be able to follow my husbands lead.

    • If you don’t have complete trust, it just doesn’t happen. Sometimes the trust is about the other person, and sometimes it’s about you. With SSir, I quite literally had to tell myself to close my eyes and leap, to take the chance knowing I could be wrong. Once I made up my mind to accept what we had and give him all of me, the rest was (in comparison) easy. But I had to choose to do it.

      I hope you’re able to work out the trust part – in whatever way you need to. It’s an amazing feeling when it works. ((HUGS))

  • Trust and communication are a must in any successful relationship, and even more so with a D/s relationship.

    In all actuality it’s really nice to know that I can breathe and let go while my husband whose also my Sir has got my back and my front.

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