BDSM Info Submissive

Sassy vs. Bratty in Dominance and Submission

a post on the difference between being sassy and bratty in D/s

I take my submission very seriously. If Daddy wants something, he should have it – if it’s in my power to give. If I think Daddy needs something, I’m desperate to give it to him.

Sure, there are times when I step outside of that with him. Illness. Grief. Ya know, the serious issues where he stops doing things for himself or he shuts down.

Another layer of who I am is my babygirl self. She’s as an integral part of who I am as my submissive side, but babygirl isn’t always submissive – if that makes sense.

Babygirl giggles. Babygirl plays. Babygirl teases.

Kayla is sarcastic and snarky.

Now imagine a teasing, giggling babygirl who has a sarcastic font and a very quick-temper. Do you know what you get?

I say that you get a sassy babygirl who just likes to tease her Daddy and tweak his nose a little.

Daddy will tell you that you get a bratty babygirl who probably deserves a spanking (yay!) or cornertime (boooooo!!)

It’s an ongoing debate between us. I maintain that I have moments of sassiness, but that I am never, ever a brat.

In my mind, brattiness contains a bit of willfulness. Either I don’t want to do something or I want him to make me do something. The only time I want him to make me do something is when we’re being sexual or we’re in a scene. And if I don’t want to do something, I just whine and do it anyway, albeit, grudgingly.

Sassiness is the ability to point out his error with a gleam in my eye. It’s the ability to tease him about a misspoken word or misstep so that we’re both laughing. It’s the way I wiggle my butt, silently begging for a swat on the ass – with a gleam in my eye.

In my mind, I am never a brat, but I am full of sass…and maybe a smart ass.

Was this post meaningful and helpful? You might enjoy my website dedicated to BDSM and helping people have better D/s relationships – Loving BDSM – a blog and weekly podcast devoted to helping people find and enjoy healthier D/s relationships and kinky lives. Check it out at

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • truer words…

    and yet there are times when I think i’m being sassy and HE says bratty. (annoying Dom!) So I guess it is also the matter of the receivers point of view. (and He would be the first to annotate that as–and that’s the only point of view that matters…(see last parenthetical statement)…LOL…


  • I’m a brat. It’s a huge part of our dynamic. But that’s the thing it is a part off it! Just as with everything else it has it’s place & it’s boundaries. I know where the line is & I do not cross it! Never have & hopefully never will!
    I am me; doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing I am always me. I don’t have a “submissive” me and a “the other me”. It’s just always me 🙂

    & me is a sometimes smart ass, think before I talk, need to have the last word kinda girl! I am not going to change & Sir knows this. If he didn’t want me, the whole me then I would never have chosen him to be my partner.

    You said that you think there is a level of wilfulness in being a brat & you are right! I am being deliberate in my behaviour and my reactions because I am being me! I am 100% in control of this as I am with all of the choices that I make, I don’t minimise what I do, try to avoid responsibility for it or pretend it’s not there. I control this side of me in order to make it fit the dynamic that we have created.

    Now I do have the other batty side one that I don’t actually like. This side comes out when I am needing something that he is not giving me. When I feel so out of sorts because of stress or lack of attention usually I become this other brat. He usually picks it up before I do & fixes the problem before it becomes something that neither of us wants! But he is in control of it because I’m not!

    It’s the opposite to the nice brat that I love. It is not fun to be in that mood. I am snappy & I become what he calls fidgety in my submission. If he doesn’t take control of it then I doubt myself & questions everything. I judge everything that I do & see it as all wrong. It’s a horrible place to be in.

    But the other brat doesn’t change the nice one! I love who I am – even the inner brat!

    Maybe if you remind yourself that there are absolutely no acts that are inherently submissive (or dominant for that matter) & as long as you are keeping with how you & your partner see this idea of submissive then you really are being submissive – even when being sassy or bratty!

    Why do we need to label some of the most awesome parts of us in a way that makes the be seen as something negative? Bold, full of spirit, cheeky, playfully they are all fun parts of me, I don’t know about you? These are all the bits of me the whole me the me that Sir fell in love with & claimed as his.

    • I love your response! And I agree, we are who we are, and it doesn’t always need a label.

      That being said, I don’t identify as a brat at all, and I am never willfully bratty – which I think is why I push back when he calls me one. For those who like to be bratty, I say go for it, but my first and foremost overwhelming need is to be a good girl – and I don’t identify that with being a brat at all.

      I do like my sassy side. She’s fun. And it is a side of me, because I am very good at pulling out parts of my personality as needed. All the sides and parts make up the whole person. 🙂

    • If I cross it, I promise it’s never intentional or willful. My mouth used to get me in trouble when I was a kid (sarcasm is genetic, ya know). I guess when I learned I could be open again (with you), that part of me spilled out after 20 years of being tamped down. So basically, you’re to blame, Daddy. 😉

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.