I Want To Feel Safe Again

As I write this, I’m on hour 19 of my current day. It started at 5:30 a.m. when I woke up knowing I would have breakfast with my Daddy before finally heading home after 10 days of travel. I enjoyed my too-short breakfast and spent seven hours driving home, exhausted, tense, stiff, and sore. I walked in the door of my home, ready to see my boys after a month apart, only to discover that I’d been robbed.

No one was hurt. It was clearly a crime of opportunity – they took only what was easy to take. I guess it works to my advantage that I have very little of financial value. They stole my oldest son’s Nintendo Wii and every accessory we have for it (oddly enough, they didn’t take games, DVDs, CDs, DVD players, or the TV – guess they only had so much room in their thieving little hands). The Wii can be replaced. I thank God I bought the thing used…I hate that it was a gift from “Santa” and my oldest is crushed at its loss.

My mind, already zapped from the past several days, followed by a grueling drive couldn’t quite process what had happened. I thought I was crazy as I looked every where for the Wii, wondering if I’d moved it in my sleep. Locks were changed, police called (under orders from my Daddy), and the probable point of entry was found – a door in my bedroom. A door with a broken lock.

The lock is fixed now. I’ll add a chain latch to it tomorrow. The front door has a new set of locks. The deputy sheriff who came to take my information assured me that I live in a very safe neighborhood – this was the first burglary he’d dealt with in the two years that my neighborhood had been part of his patrol. He told me about a Watch program to use when I go out of town which will ensure that deputies patrol my neighborhood while I’m gone, driving by my house.

All of these things should make me feel a bit safer, maybe a little secure. But I’m not. I’m a basketcase. I could blame it on the 19 hour day, the 5 day business conference, the 10 days of travel…but let’s call it like it is. I’m scared shitless. My little sense of security, my little personal bubble, has been breached.

I have always valued safety and security over most other things. It takes a lot for me to leave my comfort zone in any facet – I do it, but not without tremendous stress first. I crave a sense of security.

Yes, I know, nothing in life is truly safe. And if I play it too safe, I may miss out on opportunities in life. At this moment, that’s not the kind of safety that I mean. I don’t want to jump at the normal creakings in my house. I don’t want to peek around corners or over my shoulder every 30 seconds wondering if someone is going to get me. I don’t want to go be afraid to enter my own bedroom because of the door.

I cried this evening – not at the loss of a game console, but because I didn’t feel safe. And I questioned, for a moment, my ability to keep my boys safe. All the what-ifs floated through my mind. What if we’d been home? What if they came back? What if? What if? What if?

Yes, it could have been worse. Yes, it’s just material things that will eventually be replaced. Yes, I will eventually feel a little better. And yes, I will remember this forever – and hopefully, I will stay diligent. Right now, though? Right now, I just want to feel safe again.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I am so sorry you have been violated in this way. Yes, it is a violation. Every person I know who has gone through such an event has, like you, lost their core sense of safety.

    Do whatever you need to do to get it back, even bug the local cops to give you more tips on how to be safe. Most of all, talk about it until you get to a place where you can feel light about it. Otherwise, the thieves didn’t just take your stuff, they take your peace-of-mind, too. Do NOT give those suckers free rent in your head!


  • I don’t think there’s much anyone can say to make you feel better. So how about a hug? A big, squigy, squeezy hug.

    You’ve changed your locks, you’ve told the police and that’s that. The nastiness will go away… but it takes time. Take it one day at a time.

    • I like hugs, especially the squeezy kind…I’m starting to feel a bit better…I have a heightened sense of awareness and I’m looking at everyone in the neighborhood with a bit of suspicion, but I think I might sleep tonight…at least I hope so…

  • Like you said, things can be replaced but the feeling you now have will take much more effort to overcome and feel safe again. Robbing someone’s house, of even the trunk of a car, is a violation of you private world, the space you should be feeling safe in.
    Like Night Owl wrote, get it back, feel safe again. It is just stuff, don’t let them take you peace of mind.
    (((Take care Kayla))

  • I’m so sorry. I always think there should be something better to say than that. Safety is a feeling and when you lose that it’s hard to get it back. I hope your sense of safety returns soon.

    • It’s already starting to come back…of course, I’ve got my house locked up tighter than Fort Knox, so that helps…

  • I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I know that doesn’t fix anything but believe me when I say like others have said they may have taken things, but no one was hurt and that is the most important thing of all.
    “Things” can be replaced although I know not always easily but they can be.
    Don’t let them win by taking away your sense of comfort.

  • So sorry to hear it! The same thing happened to us when we returned from 3 weeks in Asia. We know the feeling. Violated – by a stranger. Eventually the feeling will pass, but for now – yuck – it doesn’t feel right.

  • I’m sorry! We’ve been robbed once while we were in the house – kids in separate rooms! Same thing – took what they could quickly grab – even took my purse outside, took the cash out of the wallet and left the rest.

    At first, I tried to be all zen ‘they needed it more than we did’ but then I was just mad! My kids were afraid, we had a whole hassle to deal with (stolen rental car on vacation) and it just is wrong! I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.

    All I can say is keep your power, choose to feel safe again and don’t give in to being afraid. You didn’t do anything wrong, they did.

    Take care.

    • Thank you. ((HUGS)) I’m sorry that happened to you, too…not sure what I would have done if it had happened while we were home…

      I started getting pissed about it last night…I think I probably still am…

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