I have an undeniable urge to write tonight, but I can’t make the creativity flow. I should work on The Visitor as a full story because damn, I made myself wet re-reading that one. But I have to be in a sensual, sexual mood to write like that. It’s just not happening right now.

I have all kinds of urges, and I’m refusing to give in to any of them.

I have the urge to send Him a random text telling Him (again) that I miss Him. I think He knows.

I have the urge to send Him an email of all of His travel options to get home. I think His head would explode if I did that.

I have the urge to think and think and think about every emotion I feel right now. That only leads to trouble.

I have the urge to carefully dissect every thought I’ve had today in regards to Him and I, applauding my ability to remember what’s important. That leads to over-thinking. Trust me, I know.

I have the urge to fantasize about how it will be when we are together again. But because everything is still unknown, ultimately, it depresses me.

I have the urge to sit on Tumblr looking at amazing images. See the urge above – that’s why I can’t.

I have the urge to find something to do that has nothing to do with D/s, sex, thoughts, emotions, or missing Him. But I’m like the small child surrounded by toys who claims to be bored – I don’t know what to do with myself.

I have sexual urges too – but no permission.

I’m going to take my urges and shut them away for tonight. They’re nothing but TROUBLE!

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


    • If I wasn’t so worn out from my day, I probably would…after we got in from trick-or-treating, all I wanted to do was lay down…so that’s what I did…except now my brain is going 90 to nothing…grrrr…maybe I’ll just sleep…lol

  • No matter what I am doing in my own life, be it career, vanilla reading, interacting with other’s not in my know, the D/s reality is always there. It is interconnected in us who come to fruition in this chosen life-style. I personally have to celebrate to good and bad daily in and out of my D/s values.But the values are always attached to my own Dominance. Wish you good valued health today.

    • Thank you…I have found the same to be true with Him and with myself…D/s makes sense to me on a cellular level – it’s as natural to me as breathing…acting a certain way to blend in with the vanilla world almost feels like putting on a costume or a mask sometimes…

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