He is still going through His no-good, rotten time. Our plans for the weekend ahead are still up in the air. The stress is all still there. The difference now is me. My little girl feelings have been set to the side. A grown woman has taken her place, and I will do anything to support my Lion.
I feel helpless sometimes because I’m not sure how to comfort Him. Words seem empty and meaningless. But I know what He does that makes me smile, makes me feel warm inside, makes me feel loved. And I’ve tried to give Him that over the past few days. Loving words, encouragement, and random humor – I like to think it helps.
Sometimes I send Him a random text hoping that it comes at a time when He needs it most. Sometimes I tell Him I love Him because I’m overwhelmed by how I feel – and sometimes I say it because I can imagine how He might be feeling, and I want Him to have a reminder that He is loved beyond reason.
I emailed Him tonight simply to distract Him for a few minutes – even if He doesn’t read it until tomorrow, if He has 3 minutes where He can think of anything else and possibly smile, then I accomplished my goal. It is too easy to get mired down in the stress and tension and sadness of a bad situation. He needs to move through those emotions, deal with them, feel what He is feeling, but He also needs lighter moments to take the edge off. I hope I give Him that.
I know He feels bad that all of our plans have been thrown into chaos. I am doing everything in my power to make sure He understands that it’s ok, that I support Him, that as much as I dislike changing our plans, I wouldn’t want Him to do things any differently than He has.
I wish I was there to hold His hand, squeeze it gently, and remind Him that He’s not alone in any of this. I wish I was there to wrap my arms around Him and comfort Him. I wish I was there to crack a silly joke just to make Him smile a little. I wish I was there to sit quietly and let Him speak freely about His worries. I wonder if He had the luxury to give voice to those thoughts if they would weigh a little less heavily on His mind. I wish I was there to sit at His feet and allow Him to feel “normal” again.
I would do anything in this world to give Him comfort and ease some of His burden, to distract Him and allow Him a few precious moments to feel something different, and to remind Him that I understand what He’s doing and why and that I support Him completely.
I love that man so much it takes my breath away and makes my heart ache.