I heard the air pump humming in the next room. Oh, so that's what we're doing tonight.
The "what" in question was to try out the Fetish Fantasy Series Ultra Inflatable Position Master (received in exchange for an honest review) from ManShop. My mind immediately conjured up doggy style fucking or a face buried in my cunt from behind. How could I not? Earlier that day, John Brownstone looked me in the eye and said...
"I'm gonna eat your pussy today."
No joking. No teasing. Straight-faced, serious, and clearly determined.
I hadn't forgotten his declaration/promise, but I hadn't been thinking about it either. The droning of the air pump reminded me. But the sound went on for-fucking-ever. When he finally came out of the bedroom, I raised a single eyebrow.
"I know! I thought that damn thing would never inflate. Glad I had the pump."
Hours passed before I could peek into the bedroom. This thing took up a quarter of our bed. It's a behemoth!
My earlier enthusiasm drained away. I don't know what I expected, but this wasn't it. Would I fit on it? Could we both be on the bed together with this thing?
That night, after an achingly long day of the usual stuff, it was time. John Brownstone threw off his clothes with a certain glee and positioned himself on the "Position Master" (you can roll your eyes at that name...I did).
He looked ridiculous rolling down on it. I laughed. But a part of me cringed. This wasn't how I envisioned using this thing. What were we supposed to do with him lying on it like that?
"Get up here girl. I want your pussy on my face."
Ohhhhh...wait. "What's the weight max for this thing?"
I did quick math in my head. Oh no, that wouldn't do.
"Uhhhh, Daddy...? We will exceed that, and I'm not sure how sexy it is for our sex toy to pop while we're on it."
He had full confidence in this thing filled with air, taking up space in my bed. Me? Not so much. Several emotional minutes later, I finally asked, "Can I actually get on this thing and try it out for myself first?"
In his excitement for kinky fuckery, he'd forgotten something. The first rule of sex toys for us is to try them outside of a sexual context so we know what we're dealing with. I tried vibrators against my palm and floggers on my forearm. I would get on this thing by myself before we began.
"Go ahead, babygirl."
I climbed up and positioned myself in the way I'd imagined, lying over the largest end, ass up, head slightly down, open, exposed. Instead of feeling sexy, I felt silly. When he leaned against the edge of the bed, the positioner? wedge? fuck all if I know - rolled! Rolled!! I nearly fell off the bed.
As long I laid perfectly still, he could touch me - and he did, gently stroking my cunt from behind, soothing my turbulent emotions. Although I worried about tipping over, when he settled behind me, I was ready. Fuck me, please. Just like this.
Except "just like this" turned into bad angles and awkward thrusting.
We moved the positioner/wedge/thing around. He laid down. Now I would ride him and fuck him but without my weight on the thing. He really paid attention to the suggested positions on this thing.
My knees gave out - not the product's fault but annoying nonetheless. We switched positions again, with my back against the wedge in a reclined position, in an upright missionary. It was...okay. I'd already come twice before the fucking really began so I didn't need more. He needed this, though. For a few minutes, I let myself enjoy the contact between our bodies. I ran my fingernails down his back, digging them into his ass. It's the only guaranteed way I know to drive him wild so he'll fuck me more fiercely. And he did. But...it wasn't the same.
Finally, with a curse of annoyance, he pushed me to my side, tossed the positioner out of the way, and slid behind me in our usual and preferred position. We were home.
About the Ultra Inflatable Position Master
When you can't afford the high-end version of toys, knock-offs and alternatives can sometimes be a great option. I knew this wouldn't be quite the same as other brands, but I still had high hopes. What I forgot was what happens when you apply uneven pressure to something filled with air. I've slept on enough air mattresses to know you'll go flying or rolling in another direction. On the Ultra Inflatable Position Master by Fetish Fantasy, the only way to feel balanced was to stay perfectly still. If I'm having good sex, lying still is an impossibility.
Ultimately, it wasn't for us. Here's why:
- It is massive. In order to position ourselves, some other part was left dangling...like our feet or head.
- Being filled with air made it feel unsteady to us.
- The positions we tried - all recommended by the manufacturer - did not increase our pleasure.
- I cannot imagine clean-up on this thing will be easy as it has no removable cover to wash. I'm very happy neither of us orgasmed while using it.
What we did like:
- Because it's inflatable, you can let the air out and store it. Any other version would be problematic for us as we have storage issues.
- It has handles which I used to keep myself upright.
- For other non-penetrative play, it did offer better access for us.
You might have a better experience than we did, and if you want to check it out for yourself, here you go: Ultra Inflatable Position Master
I don't blame ManShop for the product they sent not working out for us. They let me choose from a variety of products, and since their target audience is men, I asked John Brownstone to choose. Not all sex toys can be a favorite or even a good one for everyone. It's not ManShop's fault (or John Brownstone's!).
They shipped the product by UPS Ground, and I received it in about a week. The packaging was discreet just as you expect it to be. It's always a good sign when the box and shipping experience are forgettable.
In looking around their website, ManShop is definitely geared towards men with penises. Not everyone likes that premise, and that's okay. As someone who has worked (professionally) in online marketing in some form since 2010, I can tell you that every business website needs a target audience. When you target one group in order to appeal to them, you won't appeal to other groups. For ManShop, it's cis-men.
That being said, they do offer a wide variety of sex toys that can benefit all people of all genders - floggers, strap-ons, dildos, vibrators, etc. And in perusing their website, I didn't see any language that I felt was purposefully exclusionary or derogatory.
ManShop (affiliate link) might appeal to you, whether you have a penis or not. It's certainly worth checking out and deciding for yourself. If you decide it's your kind of sex toy shop, use code "10offmanly" to save 10 percent off your first order.
When you shop using an affiliate link, I make a small commission which helps support the website and my addiction to iced coffees.