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Consent, Sex, and Conversations: A Review of the Ersties Podcast

Ersties Podcast review and interview

When I first began blogging, I was an avid sex blog reader. Still am, although not as much as I’d like. Then, when I thought I might want to do a podcast, I became a podcast listener — both to learn how to do it and because I was hooked from the first episode. Currently, I’m in a vlog obsession — and I’m making more videos for Loving BDSM. Do you see a pattern here?

But podcasts are still one of my favorite ways to get content. I can listen while I’m driving, cooking, or anything that requires my hands but not every ounce of my focus. Sex-focused podcasts are definitely in my mix, even if I can only listen to when no children are around to overhear.

So when Ersties Podcast reached out and wanted to work together, I was intrigued. I listened to a little bit of an episode and realized I liked their vibe. Four people who work in and around sex (in various forms) and live and breathe the topic in different ways discussing sex in all its forms. It’s definitely something I can relate to.

Here we are today with a review and an interview. Liking the vibe is one thing, but would I like a full episode?

Ersties Podcast Review

New episodes of the Ersties Podcast come out on the first Friday of every month, and at publication, they have nine episodes. My new criteria for podcast subscription is whether I’ll feel pressure to try and keep up with episodes. (Yes, I recognize the irony as someone who publishes at least one podcast episode a week.) But if I don’t think I can keep up with episodes, I have to loooooooooove it (and the hosts) to subscribe. So one a month is definitely a selling point.

Episode nine (the most recent I’ve listened to as a review) was all about consent, including a conversation with a former dominatrix, Liliana Velásquez. I know you never stop learning about sex, including consent, but I figured there was little I’d hear that I didn’t know. Frankly, I was worried I’d hear something I didn’t agree with or found problematic.

The format of the show are four friends having a conversation. They take a question and go around the “room” (figurative or literal) and give their take. At a certain point, the flow of the conversation deepens and becomes even more natural, as it happens with friends who are chatting. This episode began with a quick conversation about period sex — which I wasn’t expecting but found fascinating.

The Consent Conversation

What I loved in this episode is even though there are a lot of universal truths about consent, especially as women, we still each have our own experience with it. At one point, in talking about consent in making porn, one person said (rightly) if you’re not comfortable, you should have the freedom to say you don’t want to continue. But it was pointed out (quickly) that pressures from expectations and money can stop that. As I’m nodding my head, a third point was made, and this one made so much sense, but isn’t what we often hear…

If she’s bored, annoyed, or would really rather be somewhere else, but knows this is how she’ll get paid, even if she’s no longer into it, she’s not going anywhere. The film will get made. It’s not that her boundaries are being violated, but she’s no longer enthusiastic. She still has the freedom and ability to consent, knowing that she’s not that excited about it. That’s a huge point that doesn’t get made in a lot of conversations about consent. 

The BDSM Conversation

When Liliana came on, she discussed the role of consent in BDSM and how it works. Her method is Safe, Sane, and Consensual — although there are other consent philosophies like RACK and PRICK. Nothing she said was counter to anything I think about consent. I was more fascinated listening to her discuss where she learned about BDSM (Den of Inequity in New York).

And then she said something I’m sure I’ve heard before, but never struck me quite as important…until now.

If you want to learn about kink and BDSM and are completely new to it, hire a sex worker who understands BDSM.

That works for couples or people who are single. You still have to negotiate and communicate expectations and boundaries, and you still have to get consent. But from Liliana’s perspective, you also have a lot less pressure — to consent when you don’t want to, to do things you don’t like, etc. And you also learn from someone who understands a lot of things you don’t — including how to negotiate your boundaries and set limits.

The conversation ended by talking about how sexy and empowering saying “No” can really be. And listening to the huskiness of their voices as they did it, it was definitely sexy.

Interview with the Ersties Podcast

I did an email interview with Lina Bembe from the Ersties Podcast to help you learn more about them, their topics, and why this the podcast exists. But if you just want to dive into their episodes, click here: The Ersties Podcast

What has been your favorite topic/conversation to do so far?

Personally, my 2 favorite episodes so far are #7 on Self-love Sex and Magic and #6 on Censorship and porn laws in the UK.

The first one because we talk about the ritualistic and spiritual aspects of sex from very personal experiences and also explore how being a witch is in many ways connected to power and sexual autonomy. We had very interesting questions with Kristen Sollee and Vanessa Cuccia. What I really liked about this episode is that we managed to keep a light and relatable tone, while going deep on issues of feminism, sexual self-determination, the power of crystals and even Mexican mythology!

I also loved Episode #6 on Censorship because we prepared a serious journalistic journey for it, with a focus on the current state of the UK legislation, which at this point is very dangerous in terms of privacy protection, censorship and freedom of expression and could actually spill over other countries. We talked to prominent activists, lawyers, festival organizers, porn performers, directors, journalists and producers from Europe and the USA. Super worthy to give it a listen!

What upcoming topics do you plan to talk about?

We’re currently working on an episode about the world Sex Podcasts! I’m super excited about it. Other topics we’re currently working on are: the origin of taboos, cruising, fake sex news, mental health & sex, infidelity, and a long etc. We’re super curious about so many things!

How did the podcast become a thing you decided to do?

Deciding to do a podcast was the easiest thing ever. Olivia, Pandora, Paulita and I were already a group of friends. Hanging out together was always about having lots of fun, doing crazy things, laughing non-stop and talking about sex basically all the time. We already had the group chemistry and endless curiosity about the topics we talked, so channeling all these ongoing vibes into a podcast format was a very natural process and to me that’s the beauty of who we are as a team.

What do you hope to accomplish through the podcast?

Our main objective with the Ersties Podcast is to be seen a valuable, thoughtful, relatable source of shame-free conversations about sex. We offer a space to talk about sex for those who cannot do it in their everyday lives. Talking about sex is a healthy thing to do, is part of being in touch with our individual sexualities, which are a far more vital aspect of our lives than what we are made to believe. It blows my mind how harmful it is not to be able to have broad, honest discussions about sex, and I just can’t believe we don’t do it just because we carry a long tradition of guilt and oppression to everything sex related.

With this podcast we want to send the message that it’s time to stop being afraid to talk about the things we like, dislike or are curious about, and even if we talk about sex in between laughter and funny experiences, we touch upon very serious, important aspects of our sexualities and overall well-beings. Open, unbiased, well-informed conversations about sex can make anyone a better person!

Do you want to teach your audience anything in particular or have them walk away from each episode thinking anything in particular?

Our societies heavily indoctrinate us on how to fuck, who to like, how to love, what roles to fulfill according to our genitals, etc. We’re so tired of these rules and position ourselves against one-dimensional standards about how to live our sex lives. In one way or another, we address these concerns in all our episodes and put value instead on the importance of taking our individual sexualities as something worth cultivating and reflecting upon. So, rather than indoctrinating people into doing and liking the things we’re into, we want everyone to think for themselves, question ready-made facts about sex, porn and relationships and reframe their own opinions from a broader, better informed perspective. Mental stimulation is our thing!

About the Ersties Podcast

The Ersties Podcast launched in late 2017 and is based in Berlin, Germany. New episodes come out on the first Friday of every month.

The podcast was borne out of a particularly heated discussion during which the hosts wondered, ‘Would people listen to this if we recorded it?” They discuss issues surrounding sex, dating, the sex industry and well, anything else that pops up in conversation. Their collective voice is one not often heard in the mainstream and look to be informative, inquisitive and above all, honest.

Check out the Ersties Podcast website or wherever you listen to podcasts or follow the podcast on Twitter!

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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