I wish I could toss my hair, bat my eyelashes, and proclaim myself a perfect submissive to John Brownstone. However, I do not own the waders required to move through that much bullshit. I'm not perfect; no one is. And when I'm not, part of our D/s agreement is that I can (and will, unfortunately) be punished.
Punishment sucks. It's supposed to. By being something I hate, I'll work hard to avoid it. Honestly avoid it, y'all, not lie-about-my-actions kind of avoidance.
Thankfully those things are few and far between for me, but they do happen. And for weeks I've been promising on the podcast that we'd talk about punishment along with discipline and consequences. So, finally, while my ass still stung from the "reminder" John Brownstone gave me to watch my mouth a few days ago, we have.
From the show:
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- Two sides of discipline: the discipline to do what you’re told as a submissive and being disciplined when you don’t do what you’re told.
- Funishment is a playful type of “punishment.” Use it or don’t, but don’t let it take the place of simply asking for what you want.
- Punishments are meant to suck for the submissive. It should be something that deters future bad behavior.
- As a submissive, the first real test of your submission is the first time you’re told No.
- Punishments should be negotiated during the beginning of a relationship. They should not be sprung on a submissive as a surprise.
- Submissives must consent to a punishment. If you feel the need to withdraw your consent prior to punishment, there may underlying issues that need to be dealt with.
- Punishment and consequence aren’t quite the same thing. Punishment is the act. Consequence is the outcome, and isn’t always an act of punishment.
- After a punishment, the incident is over. Ongoing punishment or anger is not okay or healthy for a relationship. Deal with the issue and your feelings around the incident and move on.
- Punishment should not be given in anger. Dominants need to admit their feelings and then wait until you’re calm enough to punish.
- Dominants have to follow through. If you say that there will be a punishment for certain behaviors, you must follow through.
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