More Than Whips and Chains #Dominance and #Submission

Submission is more than bondage. Submission is more than orgasm denial or forced orgams, although yummy. Submission is more than whips, chains, spreader bars, ball gags, pulled hair, bound wrists, collars, cuffs, anal plugs, hitachi wands, spankings, or face-fucking. So what is it? Well, it’s different for everyone.

For me, submission is…

Making his coffee the way he likes it and serving it to him.

Cooking his dinner and serving him the biggest portion first.

Wearing my hair down because that’s his preference.

Wearing the panties he chooses or none at all, at his discretion.

Asking permission to come to bed.

Never interrupting him when he speaks.

Kneeling at his feet, head and eyes down, waiting on his whim.

Kneeling at his feet, looking into his eyes with love and desire.

Letting him decide when I can indulge in treats to eat.

Waiting for him to open a door for me.

Telling myself I am loved and beautiful every day because he says so.

Asking his opinion in all things.

Heeding his word when he makes a decision.

Understanding that he only has my best interests in mind.

Some of these are easier than others. Some I chose to do before he ever asked. All of these things allow me to feel my submission when kinky sex isn’t an option – and even when it is. Submitting to him feels as natural as breathing, even when a specific task is difficult to do. As he becomes used to my submission, I can feel his Dominance growing; he is more confident each and every time we’re together. We have a renegotiation coming up. I have no doubt there will be more Dominance and more submission when we’re through. I’m looking forward to it.

Do not look in from the outside and presume you understand this kind of relationship. He leads and I follow, but I am his treasure, and I know it. Yes, he has control and he takes what he wants, but only because I give it, willingly, freely, happily. He is my safe haven to let the rest of the world fall away – the control, the decision making, the constant alertness and worry. With him, I can simply exist knowing that I am well loved and taken care of. And in return, I take care of him. That is Dominance and submission.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I’m sure you can’t see it from where you are but I am smiling from ear to ear. I think we all want to shout out to the rest of the world that our submission is so much more than the kinky sex, and if they could just, maybe, for a minute, see how fulfilled and peaceful we are, people might just see it for what it is, the greatest love story ever. Thank you Kayla, and I hope your weekend is on fire!

  • Absolutely! While I love the sex and the play aspects of this dynamic, nothing gives me a greater peace and freedom than my submission to my man.

    Who would have thought that by giving up always wanting my own way, or getting it… that I would truly get everything I want and more.


    You know what I love about your blog? That you keep it real. 🙂

    • /blush. Thank you!

      It was a strange thing to figure out that giving up control and accepting the will of another (only because he’s earned my trust, of course) that life could become so beautiful and that a relationship could be so fulfilling.

  • I wonder if you would mind if i wrote my own version of this…. we certainly share some ‘submission’ but there are also differences, however just like you, my submission, and hos dominance is what makes us D/s, not the whips or chains, those are just the dressings in the shop window if you like but they are not the core.


  • Kayla, I love this. When I started wanting a D/a relationship, it had nothing to do with kink or sex. I could have that anyway. It had everything to do with a relationship between us that required a different dynamic. I wanted an intimate connection and 50/50 wasn’t cutting it. Glad you posted.

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