Whenever someone sends me a question about D/s or submission or kink, I often have to let it sit for a bit. I don’t like feeling rushed when someone asks a question that is clearly meaningful to them, and I prefer to give myself time to think and come up with the most complete answer I can.
I should have stuck to that pattern for a recent question.
When a new submissive emailed me to ask what the rules are for being a submissive, I wasn’t dismissive (gawd, I hope not!) but I really didn’t think there was an answer. The rules for how you’ll submit depend on your current partner. They’ll change over time and with each partner you have. I am definitely not qualified to tell anyone what those rules should be.
Except…there are rules for being a submissive, a Dominant, or even just a good human (regardless of your preferred flavor of sex). Once I had time to let the question percolate in my head, they were obvious to me.
I don’t think this is everything we should all “be” as people, submissives or otherwise, but it’s a good start. Listen to the episode (or read the transcript) and if you think of any I missed, let me know!
From the show:
- Kinky patrons are always welcome. Support the podcast through Patreon!
- The sarcastic answer to the rules question is: whatever your Dominant says. The less sarcastic answer is: whatever you and your partner agree to.
- In reality, the “rules” of being a good submissive are not that different from the rules of being a good human – with a kinky twist of course.
- Be honest.
- Show respect.
- Have integrity.
- Look for the good Dominants.
- Be yourself.
- Educate yourself.
- Understand safety.
- Never forget about consent.
- If you have any other rules you’d recommend, share in the comments below or email them!
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