It All Becomes Clear

Life moves at strange speeds. Most of the time, it crawls by, stumbling down the stairs, and landing in a bruised heap before arriving to wherever it’s supposed to be. Other times, it flies by and I’m left to wonder who used up all the hours and minutes of my days.

Days melt into one another until there’s a sameness to life that feels comforting and insane at the same time.

My Epiphanies

And then, in a moment, everything becomes clear.

I love him. I couldn’t live a day without him. Why yes, let’s uproot our lives and spend each day together, wondering at our luck at finding the other, savoring the spicy heat of lust and the warm comfort of compatability.

I’m a writer. How did I manage to spend so many years without writing a single word? I need this as I need oxygen, water, and lusty sex.

I’m a kinky girl, and the world around me is less vanilla than I could ever imagine. We use different words to say the same things. We assume we’re all deviant and freaks so no one admits what they think or feel to those closest to us. But we’re all freaks, in our own way.

When I open my eyes up to the world around me, things become so much clearer. I become clearer. Epiphanies rain down. This is who I am. That is what I want. No, I reject this. Yes, I accept that.

Acting on My Epiphanies

I think it’s a matter of letting go of expectations, looking deep inside our hearts and minds, and coming to grips with who we are and what we want. It’s scarier than it sounds. I’ve never acted on an epiphany without plenty of soul-searching.

John Brownstone and I moved in together after 15 months of making the long-distance thing work. We researched, talked, thought, and made leaps of faith. When we realized we’d mis-stepped (I’m looking at you, shitty first apartment) we corrected our course.

I self-published for the first time in 2013. I haven’t written nearly as much in the past two years as I would like, but every day my word count goes up. I’m a better writer today than I was a year ago, hell, even a month ago. And I know what direction my professional life needs to go – even as twists and turns crop up along the way, and I try new things.

Kink is in the eye of the beholder. Some of what we do together seems extreme or tame depending on your own proclivities. There’s never enough time for all our kinky ideas. We share what we know, even as we recognize we have so much left to learn.

Epiphanies are only the beginning. It’s what you do with them that matters most. It helps to see your path clearly, though. It’s a good first step.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday where this week’s prompt is “Epiphany.” Nothing sexy came to mind, but I know that has more to do with my own recent soul-searching than anything else. I had a decided lack of confidence in myself recently, a major meltdown to go along with it, and then, of course, the desperate need to crawl out of that pitiful place and be the person I most want to be – a confident woman who sees something she wants and goes after it with both hands. I’m a work in progress, as are we all.