Wicked Wednesday

It All Becomes Clear

Life moves at strange speeds. Most of the time, it crawls by, stumbling down the stairs, and landing in a bruised heap before arriving to wherever it’s supposed to be. Other times, it flies by and I’m left to wonder who used up all the hours and minutes of my days.

Days melt into one another until there’s a sameness to life that feels comforting and insane at the same time.

My Epiphanies

And then, in a moment, everything becomes clear.

I love him. I couldn’t live a day without him. Why yes, let’s uproot our lives and spend each day together, wondering at our luck at finding the other, savoring the spicy heat of lust and the warm comfort of compatability.

I’m a writer. How did I manage to spend so many years without writing a single word? I need this as I need oxygen, water, and lusty sex.

I’m a kinky girl, and the world around me is less vanilla than I could ever imagine. We use different words to say the same things. We assume we’re all deviant and freaks so no one admits what they think or feel to those closest to us. But we’re all freaks, in our own way.

When I open my eyes up to the world around me, things become so much clearer. I become clearer. Epiphanies rain down. This is who I am. That is what I want. No, I reject this. Yes, I accept that.

Acting on My Epiphanies

I think it’s a matter of letting go of expectations, looking deep inside our hearts and minds, and coming to grips with who we are and what we want. It’s scarier than it sounds. I’ve never acted on an epiphany without plenty of soul-searching.

John Brownstone and I moved in together after 15 months of making the long-distance thing work. We researched, talked, thought, and made leaps of faith. When we realized we’d mis-stepped (I’m looking at you, shitty first apartment) we corrected our course.

I self-published for the first time in 2013. I haven’t written nearly as much in the past two years as I would like, but every day my word count goes up. I’m a better writer today than I was a year ago, hell, even a month ago. And I know what direction my professional life needs to go – even as twists and turns crop up along the way, and I try new things.

Kink is in the eye of the beholder. Some of what we do together seems extreme or tame depending on your own proclivities. There’s never enough time for all our kinky ideas. We share what we know, even as we recognize we have so much left to learn.

Epiphanies are only the beginning. It’s what you do with them that matters most. It helps to see your path clearly, though. It’s a good first step.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday where this week’s prompt is “Epiphany.” Nothing sexy came to mind, but I know that has more to do with my own recent soul-searching than anything else. I had a decided lack of confidence in myself recently, a major meltdown to go along with it, and then, of course, the desperate need to crawl out of that pitiful place and be the person I most want to be – a confident woman who sees something she wants and goes after it with both hands. I’m a work in progress, as are we all. 

It All Becomes Clear

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • This: “I think it’s a matter of letting go of expectations, looking deep inside our hearts and minds, and coming to grips with who we are and what we want.”

    That is so very true and yes, it is scary, but if only we are all able to learn this much earlier in our lives.

    Thanks for sharing your epiphanies 🙂

    Rebel xox

  • Well written thoughts! I think we have so much in common. Love for (and of) a good man; writing; and kink. You’ve made your publishing goals, I haven’t. I am trying to get there but I just don’t know what’s holding me back. I keep editing away, worried it’s not “good enough.” And I know in my heart that it is. It’s this thing about being perfect…

    I struggle with the issue of POV. When I write, I’m in everyone’s head and I express that to the reader… but I hear it’s a big no-no. So now my hang up is reviewing thousands of pages of manuscript to make sure I’m not head-hopping or throwing in too many POVs.

    And I know until I get this published and out there, I am stymied from new projects. Sigh.

    Yes, we are all a work in progress. It would be a dull world if we had all “arrived.”

    • Everything is a big no-no in writing. Some people will tell you not to write first person. Some people will say stick with one POV. Others will say take the “God approach” and write from the outside looking in. Ugh. Write what feels right for the story, that’s what I say. Some well-known, well-published, great storytellers move from POV to POV within books, between chapters, and even within scenes (Sherilyn Kenyon does this, so does Karen Marie Moning – and I love their books).

      You will never publish if you wait for it to be perfect. It will NEVER be perfect. I read a great post the other day about getting the first book done – whether you get it published or shelve it, just finish the damn thing. The first book will always be your worst. You can’t know what your potential readers want, like, or need until you give them something to chew on. And, by the way, bad reviews aren’t the end of the world. I had a review where the person panned my favorite character (hated her guts), I sold 20 books from her review alone.

      I haven’t published as much as I should have, and it’s because I’m not finishing what I’ve started or started anything new – all from my own fears. I keep waiting for someone to tap me on the shoulder and ask what I think I’m doing hanging out with the “real” writers – and it’s bullshit. Being a real writer isn’t about having perfect grammar, writing the perfect book, or never getting a bad review. Being a writer is about putting ass in seat and words on paper/screen, and telling a story. Someone will want to read it. Very few of us make the big times, and that’s okay. It’s all about finding the audience that loves your words – no matter how big or small.

      (I feel like I should smack your butt and say, “Go get ’em, Champ!” but really, just publish the damn thing.)

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