I find it quite fitting, after several conversations John Brownstone and I have had recently, and a change or two we've allowed, that this week's Wicked Wednesday post is about monogamy.
I've always considered myself a total monogamist. I don't share. I don't look elsewhere outside of my relationship. I'm a jealous bitch who can't handle someone else touching or knowing what's "mine."
And, as with many things I've thought most of my life, I seem to be completely wrong.
I tease Daddy that if another woman looks at him, I'll "cut a bitch." And, I might. But probably not - especially if she's looking at me, too.
But I've never said the same thing about a man looking at him. In fact, we both eye and ogle good-looking men together.
Standing in the checkout line at the grocery store, I'll nudge him and nod. He looks, and we both smirk. Yeah, we'd do that guy...and we'd probably break him.
Daddy has certain tastes and desires that don't fit within our relationship boundaries of a D/s, heterosexual couple. The more I explore, the more I find that I have my own tastes and desires, curiosities more than anything.
It leads to interesting conversations and special allowances. It leads to new and exciting adventures.
It can also lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings if we're not careful.
Our rule, as we begin the exploration of our less than monogamous selves, is total, brutal honesty. If I can't tell him about some encounter (sexual or not), I shouldn't have the encounter. The same is true for him.
A man called my Daddy "Daddy" - in a teasing, playful way. And that's when I learned that yes, I will "cut a bitch" even if he's a man. There was my line that can't be crossed (one of many I'm sure I'll discover along the way). John Brownstone didn't like it either, in case you wondered.
Some things are sacred, and they have little to do with sexual organs and kink. Our relationship, shared emotions, trust, communication - those are the things we hold dear.
I trust him down to my bones. I know that he loves me above all others. I can count on him to tell me anything and everything.
He knows I would do (and have done) anything for him. He trusts me to have his back and tell him like it is, even when it's painful.
We can count on one another in a way neither of us have experienced before. Love, trust, honor - with that, anything is possible.
Right now, "anything" looks a lot like fantasies made real. It's scary, heady stuff. We're putting out feelers, having conversations with different people, and exploring on our own. But at the end of the day, we come back to one another.
I believe that if either of us steps over a line and allows even the smallest crack to form in the walls of our foundation, we'll stop immediately. Our relationship is at the center of everything else we do. Everything, sexual or not. Nothing is allowed to damage us beyond the point of repair, not even tempting sexual deviants who make us crave something different.
So am I monogamist? I don't think so. Would I be willing to explore a polyamorous life? I don't know.
But that doesn't mean we're not willing to explore, together, the things that make us curious, the things that turn us on, and the people that we can't stop thinking about. Every new person we meet, new thing we try, and new fantasy we test serves to bring us closer. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.