Wicked Wednesday

How You See Yourself vs. How the World Sees You

We almost never see ourselves the way that others see us.

Sometimes that’s a good thing. I have a strong resting bitch-face, and I’ve been told on numerous occasions I’m intimidating. Actually, no, I’m usually thinking. What am I saying? I’m always thinking about something, good or bad.

People who barely know us take one look and either ignore us or make a snap judgement. Think about it. When was the last time you heard a mother yell at her child in public? Did you make any automatic assumptions about her? I used to…until I had children of my own to yell at, lol.

People who know us quite well – and who love us – see something that we don’t often see. When I look at John Brownstone I see pure strength, even as emotion overtakes him, a rarity for sure. I also see a handsome, loving, amazing man who I may or may not have dubbed “cute” the other day.

I think I know what he sees in me, and, after a lot of years of introspection, I see some of that in myself as well.

All that should matter in life is how we see ourselves. The problem is that few people see themselves as they really are.

The arrogant assholes of the world would say they see nothing wrong with who they are and how they act. Even as they stomp across the rest of us.

The meek would probably say they’re nothing special.

Those with low self-esteem often say they’re unworthy, unnecessary, and unloveable.

There are many with a good self-image who know themselves well and acknowledge what is both good and bad about them.

So is it really about our own self-image and how see ourselves? Or is it what we put out into the world and have reflected back at us?

Do we focus on our own self-image or what others see in us?

I know the right answer is technically “Both.” But it’s damn difficult. It takes brutal honesty with yourself to step back and see yourself as you really are. We’re taught we shouldn’t focus on the negative about ourselves, but sometimes that’s the best way to grow and change – even as we acknowledge and celebrate the good.

In the question of self-image, I have zero answers.

At the age of 35, I see myself more clearly and know myself better than at any other time in previous  years. I know who I am and what I do. I genuinely like all of who I am – even the parts I’m working to improve. For me, it’s less important to talk about what I like (or don’t) or why I think I’m great (a good activity for those with low self-esteem).

What’s most important is that I live my own truth with the understanding that I don’t have all the answers, there’s plenty left to learn, and a willingness to admit that not everyone will think I’m great. I think if more of us had a similar self-image and self-knowledge about who and what we are, the world would probably be a much better place.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! The prompt this week is “self image.” Not sure I made much sense with this one, and since nothing sexy came to mind, I went with the rolling, rambling thoughts jamming traffic in my head. Click that little image below and go see what others are writing this week. 

How You See Yourself vs. How the World Sees You

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Very thoughtful post. Focusing on the negative so we can change this? I have never thought of it this way, but you’re right. How else would we be able to improve some of the points about ourselves that we don’t like? This really got me thinking…

    Rebel xox

    • I think it’s a balance. If you focus too much on it, you might kill your self esteem, but if we don’t acknowledge it, there can be no improvement.

  • I am 43 and I think I have finally come to accept the person who I am, it is not an easy thing for sure but I do finally feel very at peace with it.


    • You’re right, it’s not easy at all. I find it a very strange thing to do what I want, like who I am, and feel any amount of peace. Not uneasy, just…weird. Wonderful…but strange.

  • This is such a good post. It’s true that we tend to say that we shouldn’t let others’ opinions of us impact us, but especially since I’ve started blogging, I’ve found that other people’s opinions of me are often much kinder than my opinion of myself xx

    • Thank you. 🙂

      I think that’s true of most of us. We are harsh judges of ourselves and much more forgiving of others…well, as individuals. The mass hysteria on social media doesn’t count.

  • LOL, even at 57 I’m not there yet… sometimes it gets easier with time, but then other times that bastard time steals away some things I really would like to hold on to. As I’ve always said, wish I had the wisdom of today with the body and face of my 20s!

  • I think you are right. There are some people who need to learn to see themselves as others see them, the egocentric megalomaniacs of the world.

    But for most of tge people I know, they need to learn to value themselves and that is often a challenge because they learnt to value others’ opinions of them over their own.
    Actually, even the megalomaniacs often suffer of low selfesteem, that’s why they feel the need to constantly prove they’re better than the rest of us by crushing us under their boot.

    The solution is a balance and I think, most importantly, an acceptance of who people simply are, including ourselves. No judgement, no placing value on one trait rather than another… just learn to like who we are and do the same for others.

    • I agree completely.

      But I would say that most of us (unless we’re truly just surrounded by shitty people – which I know happens a lot) could benefit from seeing ourselves the way others see us – assuming those others love us. You don’t have to see yourself the way that EVERYONE sees you – that would be too conflicting and difficult. But if one person loves you completely and unconditionally, there’s some benefit to seeing yourself through their eyes. They don’t see us as a ball of flaws and things to “fix.”

      But you’re right, it’s definitely a balance.

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.