Ze and Zie #SpankA2Z

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I always hesitate to write about any type of sexuality or life experience that I’m not intimately familiar with. At best, I might come across as inauthentic and uneducated. At worst, I offend people, misrepresent them, and share bad information.

For this, the last day of Spanking A to Z, where I’ve tried to focus primarily on kink, but always on sex in some way, I felt it appropriate to highlight words not often used but that are about inclusiveness.

Ze and zie are gender-neutral pronouns. And, according to, only two of many, many, many potential pronouns people can choose to use for themselves. Some transmen and women may use them. Those who identify as genderqueer might use them. Hell, cisgender people can certainly use them, if we wanted to, I’m sure.

From my very limited understanding, these newer pronouns are meant to allow people to identify themselves in a way that doesn’t necessarily fit cultural “norms.”

Here’s the deal. In both the vanilla world and (to a much lesser extent) the kinky world, I see people who shame, reject, and poke fun at the idea that people can be something other than the biological gender assigned to them at birth. And it bothers the hell out of me.

If you’re a kinkster, you should be the last person shaming anyone for their gender, sexuality, or identity. That’s just rule number one. (Don’t forget, many people outside of kink think you’re either abusing your partner or being abused by them – we know all about being shamed for who we are.)

Second of all, BDSM has been, in my experience, very inclusive of others. I’ve mentioned before that the first transwomen I met (that I know I met) were in the lifestyle. I hold myself to that standard at all times. And the kinksters I respect the most in the lifestyle are inclusive of all types of people from all walks of life.

If someone asks that you use a different name, pronoun, or whatever when you address them or talk about them, respect that. Use it. Yeah, it’ll feel weird the first few times, but eventually, it’ll become normal. Just do it. How does using it affect you personally? It doesn’t. It’s their name or pronoun – not yours.

Regardless of our gender identity, sexuality, or yes, even kinky (or non-kinky) preferences, we want the same thing. We all want to be treated with the respect and dignity due to us as human beings.

If that means using “ze” or “zie” or even “yo” (no, really, that’s a pronoun as of 2004), just do it. What does it hurt to give someone a bit of dignity? Not a damn thing.

Z is for ze, zie, and other z-related gender-inclusive and neutral pronouns. I still have plenty to learn about all of this, but I figured you might, too. Let’s start with new words. It seemed a fitting way to end Spanking A to Z, and (hopefully) a good addition to Adult Sex Ed Month. And, for the record, I know I’ve been a bit ranty lately. No apologies. Just pointing out that I noticed, too.

Ze or Zie

Ze or Zie

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!

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