Body Positive

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin #SpankA2Z

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin

There was a time, in the not-so-distant pass, when the thought of getting completely naked for someone was horrifying. Just awful. Being asked to undress, even as a submissive with her Dominant, reduced me to ugly-crying tears. (Not the beauty of glistening tear drops falling down my cheeks.)

My sense of self was so wrapped up in the fact that I didn’t look like a supermodel, a porn star, or anyone else I had ever had the chance to see naked. Removing my clothes was enough to send me into hysterics.

A lot has changed over the past few years.

I’ve changed.

John Brownstone set me on a path to self-love (Ha! Not that kind of self-love). While we were separated by too many miles, I used daily mantras to remind myself I was beautiful and worthy of love. Once together, I would have had to be a blind fool not to see the love and appreciation in his eyes whenever my clothes came off.

As important as his love and appreciation have been – and it absolutely has been – seeing other “normal” people naked helped the most. It started the first time I went to a dungeon. Yes, the first scene was of an absolutely gorgeous woman suspended from rope. If she’d been the only person who’d been naked that night, the story might have ended differently.

The next few people were large, lumpy, and nothing like the svelte, air-brushed people you see in magazines…or Tumblr. They had real bodies. Cellulite, small breasts, thick waists, rounded tummies, you name it. They were normal. And in their desire to be bound by rope or paddled, they bared a lot of their body for the audience, seemingly uncaring about who saw.

Seeing them gave me the courage to take it all off.

Over time, I’ve become fascinated by the nude body. I’m always looking for someone who shares characteristics with my body. Nipples a certain color. Waistline a certain shape. Thighs with the same amount of jiggle and cellulite. They don’t even have to be naked. Going to the beach is people-watching heaven for me as I check out women out in their bathing suits.

Sometimes I’m admiring their willingness not to freak out over showing parts of their own body. Other times, I’m admiring their body – regardless of the size.

The more I’ve become comfortable with other people’s nudity – or near nudity – the more comfortable I’ve become with my own body and especially my own nudity.

Whenever I hear someone bemoan their body, I’m sad for them. Typically, they’re comparing themselves either to a 20 year old version of themselves or to what they see in magazines. Neither is realistic. I want to tell them to open their eyes to all the bodies around them, to see how different we all are, to get comfortable looking at the not-so-perfect bodies. Only then can they see the beauty in their own body.

In fairness, I’m not attracted to or turned on by all the bodies I see. Some just don’t do it for me, male or female. But I am appreciative of most, fascinated by all, and comforted by the feeling of “normal” whenever I see someone who’s body is similar to mine.

For every thin person you compare yourself to, I assure you, there’s someone comparing themselves to you and wishing they had your body. Do you see how this could be the most self-defeating thing we do? Instead, let’s recognize that we’re all different, but that the things we hate most about our bodies truly are normal and then, let’s just get naked.

Let’s remember one thing…all bodies are beautiful.

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin

Images via Google Images

N is for nudity. I still have days when I don’t love what I see in the mirror, but rarely is that because I want someone elses body. Usually, I just want the body I had a few years ago – which still wasn’t model-sized. I also think we can accept the body we have and still want to become healthier, stronger, and yes, even thinner. 

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin

Naked: Becoming Comfortable in Our Own Skin

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Bemoaning my no-longer-20-year-old body to Master before our first time together, His answer brought me to tears, “I don’t want a 20 year old, I want YOU.” i have never felt so honored or loved and that response set me free to accept and love my body as it is!

    • Exactly! Every word of this!! The moment I saw myself through his eyes, I could accept my body. It’s not always easy, and I still see the “problem” areas but it has certainly helped.

  • All so true. When SB (my Dom) first started asking for me to send Him pics, i edited them heavily. i wasn’t comfortable in my own skin. But as time went on, i began to see myself more the way He does. Same thing when we went to our first Dungeon Party. i was so nervous, naively assuming there would be all these gorgeous, young, fit women running around. Truth is, Dungeons, like life are full of all sorts of people. i was thinner than some, heavier than others, older than some, younger than others. And really, all i need to see is my own beauty, especially when it’s reflected in His eyes. It’s all the confidence i need.

    • Yes, yes, YES! Whenever I used to send SSIr pictures (when we were LDR), he always told me I looked wonderful. I always told him that it was due to camera angles and lighting. I was heavy with the crop button, lol.

      We should see ourselves the way those who truly love us do. It goes back to loving ourselves. If I can love myself half as much as he loves me, I’ll never have a doubt again. (Okay, maybe not NEVER but you know what I mean)

  • This is important not just for those who are not the svelte beautiful body type but also for those like me who have undergone surgery which has altered their body, leaving large ugly scars behind, as in my case in the place of one breast. I can’t tell you how many times I looked in the mirror and wondered if any man could ever be attracted to me again. In some ways it has become my armor keeping men at bay, in other ways it has become an incentive to learn a way to love my body again. To know one is not alone in this and to read about someone who has overcome their own difficulties gives me hope. Thank you for sharing. ~Kate

    • ((HUGS)) I can’t imagine making that kind of journey and coming out the other side. If it helps you reframe it at all, I view those kinds of scars as battle scars. And quite frankly, the partner who is worthy of your love, attention, and time won’t see them any different either.

      For different reasons and in different ways, we worry about what others will think of our body, imperfections and all. And we forget (yes, this was me, too), that the person who will love us completely won’t be turned off by them. The one’s who matter don’t mind, and the one’s who mind don’t matter – it’s not easy to remember, but it’s worth remembering.


      • Thanks Kayla, A friend who is also a cancer survivor, we call them our war wounds. It isn’t a journey for everyone. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Well, maybe one… not really but it is tempting. I have told myself all those things you listed, and for a while it helps but I think it will always be with me even if that special man does come along who can make me feel beautiful regardless of the scars. It isn’t a reflection on him but just where I am. Maybe one day I’ll find myself on the other side looking back wondering what all the fuss was about.. lol

  • Happy for your journey to acceptance. It is one of the cruel lessons of aging for me. Having someone love you in every other way for me is such a gift, because love and passion transcend the physical aesthetics that bog so many of us down. I’m having difficulty accepting the aging process with grace.

    The heady tape that still replays in my mind was how at 23 my lover undressed what was possibly my most perfect body in front of his 2 sexy friends, with whom I’d agreed to play, one of the most sensual, sexy and libidinous sexual experience in my life (deleted from my blog page for SK’s sake). And at that time, I was still self-critical and self-conscious about “all” my imperfections. Lol– one of the guys was a photographer and documented that night, and there’s a part of me that would do anything to have those pics. I feel someday I’ll happen upon them in an art book or exhibit.

    • I don’t think any of us appreciated the body we had when we were younger. Too young and stupid, all of us.

      I used to have this picture in my mind of being model thin and how much happier I’d be when it happened. Well, first of all, my body isn’t built for that, and second of all, I’ve been told I’m not allowed to lose too many of my curves. There’s only one person who’s opinion of my body truly matters. I should say “me” but I’d be lying. If he appreciates what he sees and finds it sexy and sensual, no one else matters. But I’d also be lying if I didn’t say I want to like what i see in the mirror, too. Which is why I’ll keep the curves and accept that my boobs will never be as high as they once were, and try to be as healthy and fit as possible. 🙂

  • Hard to be real about your own body. Like you, I’m working hard to appreciate what my D appreciates and stop comparing myself to other versions of me. Hugs.

    • It’s a work in progress, but I use the submissive mindset to help. If he’s the one in charge, and he says something is so, then it is. I know that’s a pretty simplistic view, but it really does help.

  • Thank you Kayla for writing this. I am a lot heavier (weight) than I would like to be both for my “joints” knees, ankles etc etc but also for my own peace of mind.

    Kate I think you are so brave for having undergone the surgery you obviously have and being so open about it. I am sure you are a “beautiful” person inside which to me is more important than how you look. Please accept this BIG HUG from me for your bravery. Sue

    • Thank you Sue. I think we all at times, especially those of us who are getting older, have more weight on us than makes us feel comfortable. Me included. I think Kayla has the right idea. Let’s all get naked.. lol Every single one of us is brave and beautiful. Bravery to me is more beautiful and sexier than any of the svelte “sexy” models in Vogue magazine or other fashion magazines. (men included) Watching “Spy” Friday, if you don’t think Melissa McCarthy is sexy in her black dress then I don’t know what sexy is. It isn’t the dress, or her makeup and it isn’t her hair, it is the way she carries herself. Now if I could just learn how to do that.. lol

  • I’m kind of funny. While I have a host of imperfections I don’t care for, I like being naked in front of others. I’m totally down with the whole clothed male/naked female trend and I think it’s because something about it flips things in me. Makes me more submissive perhaps? Anyway no clothes for the win.

    • I’ve seen pictures of you with no clothes. I say,”Take it ALL off!” Ha!

      When he’s clothed and I’m not, you’re right, it’s a submissive thing. He’s got ALL the power, and I love that.

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