Wicked Wednesday

Learning to Expect the Unexpected #WickedWednesday

I don’t like surprises. I’m a planner, y’all. I have plans A through Z. Even though I know very little ever goes according to plan, I am comforted knowing I have one. Not using a plan doesn’t bother me. I just like to be prepared for anything.

I don’t do spontaneous well. I’m not good with surprises.

Sounds fun, huh?

Many years of my life were spent attempting to control my environment so that I could never be unpleasantly surprised. Entire hours could easily be spent imagining every possible scenario – no matter how implausible – all so I could figure out my own reaction and what I would do in any given situation.

I have routines in place so I know what should happen from moment to moment during the day.

I prefer having input on every activity or change of plans so I can help “guide” how things go – and be prepared for when it happens.

My mood can go into a complete tailspin with one unexpected change to my outlined plans for a day or week. (For the record, once I accept the change to my plans, I’m fine.)

Gosh, I sound like a barrel of fun, huh?

There is one exception to this bit of neurotic behavior.

Daddy. John Brownstone. Southern Sir. Whatever you call him, he is a calming influence in my life and finds ways of “forcing” me to relax, calm down, and expect the unexpected.

It is my trust in him that allows me to accept a “You’ll find out later, babygirl” or a “I’m not ready to tell you yet.”

He’s also the only person I don’t mind surprises from. And he’s even managed itย a few times (hard to do with a person who’s always watching, always analyzing, always surmising, and always deducing from the facts at hand).

If there’s a relief in being a submissive, it’s the lack of control which creates a momentary silence and lack of worry.

Because that’s what the control and planning are meant to appease – my ability to worryย about the what ifs, what nows, and what do I dos.

And only one person has that ability. For the rest of the world, I’m a planner, a worrier, and I seriously detest surprises.

Welcome to Wicked Wednesday. This week’s prompt is about the unexpected – which I hate.

Wicked Wednesday

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • Oh, how I can relate!! I’m beginning to let go of expectations and the need to make a clear cut plan in other areas too, and the consequences have been very interesting.


    • Interesting is the right word. Even though I still plan and like control out in the vanilla world, now that I’m more comfortable letting go of expectations, I find that I’m much more relaxed in all situations – and that things have a way of working themselves out without my help – sometimes.

    • Exactly. SSir and I have had a few conversations about how I meltdown when my plans change…just give me a few minutes though, help me through it, and I’ll be fine – of course it took ME a while to figure that out, too, lol.

  • Up to “Gosh, I sound like a barrel of fun, huh?” I could have written this post. I hated surprises. I hated it when something I have not planned happened. If I had something in mind for my day, that was what was going to happen.

    And then I got to know Master T.

    He taught me to expect the unexpected. I am much more relaxed about unexpected things than I ever have been in my life before Him. And you know what? It’s great to be this relaxed. It’s just so… relaxing!

    Great post!

    Rebel xox

    • When I’m with SSir, I am much more relaxed. I’m not sure if it’s because I trust in him to help me handle the unexpected or if it’s because the lack of control means worry is a little pointless.

      I’m still working on handling the unexpected as a general rule. He has noted a few times that I am much more relaxed and less intense than I was when we lived apart.

      I think these Dominants may be good for us. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  • I’m with You! I ALWAYS Plan for the Worst-Case Scenario! Things Seldom ,if Ever, Go as Planned! Great Writing!

  • I sometimes wish I could be organised enough to be a “planner” . . . well, probably only in normal work-nine-to-five mode. Because I often find spontaneous, unexpected, events are all the more enjoyable . . . and satisfying . . . and exciting, simply because they are unplanned.
    Xxx – K

    • Ack! I just got stressed out…spontaneous and unexpected scare me. /giggles

      That being said, I can admit that when I let myself just go with things (without the five plans, written in triplicate), I do enjoy myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • It took a long time to get to this point. The worrier in me kept me from trusting him for a long time. It is an amazing feeling to relax, but the neuroses pop up from time to time.

  • Wow, I totally relate to this. I’m slightly OCD and definitely Type A, and I plan like nobody’s business. It’s always wonderful to have that someone who will allow you to relax, to not plan, to just enjoy. Thank you for sharing this!

  • Oh my God…. Do I understand this post!!! One of the hardest things about this move is the people who keep messing up MY PLANS!!!

    I have told Daddy so many times about these wrenches that keep spoiling my perfectly laid plans…. and I DO NOT LIKE IT….

    Seriously. Do they not realize how much I obsessed over every little detail and how it overlays with my NEXT plan???


    He’s my calm to my storm too.

    And I will say this…. Like you, I spend all my days planning for safety. But not living that way is much more freeing and fun. Even if it is so goddamn hard.


    • I had the same problems during my move. If you’re anything like me (hmmm, and I think you might be, lol) give it a few months with Hunter, and it won’t matter quite as much. Oh, it still matters, but as long as I have Daddy, I’m pretty relaxed…well, mostly… ๐Ÿ™‚

  • I know all about planning out scenarios.

    I plan, I make endless lists, I try to get it all done, and I am a champion worrier. Coach is much better than I at taking it one day at a time and not losing sight of the big picture. I will get stuck on some detail, derail myself, then try to get out of it all by myself. Once I tell him it seems like I magically get unstuck. I really need to speak up more.

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