I don’t like surprises. I’m a planner, y’all. I have plans A through Z. Even though I know very little ever goes according to plan, I am comforted knowing I have one. Not using a plan doesn’t bother me. I just like to be prepared for anything.
I don’t do spontaneous well. I’m not good with surprises.
Sounds fun, huh?
Many years of my life were spent attempting to control my environment so that I could never be unpleasantly surprised. Entire hours could easily be spent imagining every possible scenario – no matter how implausible – all so I could figure out my own reaction and what I would do in any given situation.
I have routines in place so I know what should happen from moment to moment during the day.
I prefer having input on every activity or change of plans so I can help “guide” how things go – and be prepared for when it happens.
My mood can go into a complete tailspin with one unexpected change to my outlined plans for a day or week. (For the record, once I accept the change to my plans, I’m fine.)
Gosh, I sound like a barrel of fun, huh?
There is one exception to this bit of neurotic behavior.
Daddy. John Brownstone. Southern Sir. Whatever you call him, he is a calming influence in my life and finds ways of “forcing” me to relax, calm down, and expect the unexpected.
It is my trust in him that allows me to accept a “You’ll find out later, babygirl” or a “I’m not ready to tell you yet.”
He’s also the only person I don’t mind surprises from. And he’s even managed it a few times (hard to do with a person who’s always watching, always analyzing, always surmising, and always deducing from the facts at hand).
If there’s a relief in being a submissive, it’s the lack of control which creates a momentary silence and lack of worry.
Because that’s what the control and planning are meant to appease – my ability to worry about the what ifs, what nows, and what do I dos.
And only one person has that ability. For the rest of the world, I’m a planner, a worrier, and I seriously detest surprises.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday. This week’s prompt is about the unexpected – which I hate.