It takes a lot for me to show anger. Aggravation? Often. (I’m an expert eye-roller and consummate sigher.) Annoyance? Most definitely.
I’ve spent years learning how to keep my anger at bay, breathing through it, talking it out, or letting things roll off my back. But I’m pissed. Beyond pissed. I’m seeing-red-angry. I’m furious. I’m…well, hell, I’d be willing to hit someone if they were dumb enough to stand in front of me.
via Google Images
What’s got me all riled up?
Have you seen the latest headline making the rounds on the internet??
Proof that female ejaculate is just pee. from Discover Magazine, the one that started it all, I believe.
Ironically enough, they have it categorized under “Seriously, Science.” I’d like to think they’re being ironic on purpose, but they aren’t.
Why The “Science” Pisses Me Off
Seven test subjects is not enough for some conclusive study. And why didn’t they explain why it doesn’t smell, look, or taste like urine? The differences are so freaking obvious! I’m gonna go with the idea that they didn’t actually pay attention to that part. They went with chemical composition alone. I’m not a scientist but isn’t it possible that the bladder filled up because the secretions needed a place to be housed before they could flood the bed? Or cup, as the case may be? Could that explain the composite similarities? (Yes, I read the blog post that made me mad, lol.)
Why the Headline Pisses Me Off
Who the hell are you to sensationalize a seven-woman study and then pass it off as science, calling it PROOF? The UK has already banned female ejaculation from video porn being produced – for no good reason at all. Do we really need to use science to shame women into believing squirting isn’t real, sexual, or okay??
What Really Pisses Me Off
As I have said many, many times, my first orgasm didn’t happen until I was 32. Sure, part of it was fear of giving up control (I got over that pretty well, huh?), but the biggest reason was because I’m a squirter. Except I didn’t know it at the time. The sensation I get right before I squirt is similar to needing to pee. Because I didn’t know about squirting and I’d never explored my body, I held back any and all climaxes because I was terrified of peeing on my partner, myself, and the bed.
The night I finally relaxed enough and came in a big, gushy orgasm, I stressed myself out making sure I hadn’t just pissed everywhere. My sheets were white – the wet spot was definitely there, but not yellow in any, way, shape, or form. The smell was tangy and sharp, but nothing like urine (says the mom of two little boys with bad aim – I am very familiar with the smell of pee). The hardest part was the taste-test. Sure, I was alone. Sure, I never had to tell anyone about it if it was pee. But I still trembled, blushed, and looked around (in an empty room) in shame, but I had to know. NOT pee.
via Google ImagesFor full disclosure, when I don’t empty my bladder before sex and I have a squirty orgasm, I can tell a difference in the fluid. I think some urine comes out as well – and if the fluid comes from the bladder, that makes sense. But I know the smell and look of stale urine – if I was peeing, I’d have to change my sheets more often, my mattress would reek, and my beautiful white sheets would be a dingy yellow.
If I had seen headlines or read articles dismissing squirting as urine, I might never have allowed myself to relax enough to climax like I do – or it might have taken me longer than it did. I would have been embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I’m a squirter – not wanting people to think I pee on myself. So what really pisses me off is the poor woman who’s just now learning about her body, just now discovering the joys of big orgasms, and if she’s seen the headlines, she’s ashamed, holding back, and not allowing herself the pleasure of her natural orgasm.
That infuriates me more than anything.
via Pinterest
To that woman, I say this: Don’t be shamed of your body. Don’t be ashamed of your pleasure or your orgasm. If you make big, gushy messes when you climax, keep towels nearby, and take pride in every, single orgasm. They are beautiful and so are you.
I’m not the only one who’s ticked off. My favorite response so far as been from Epiphora (pronounced e-PIF-er-uh) who also started the hashtag #notpee. If you’re a squirter and you know it’s not pee (or you support squirty, gushy women), feel free to share her post, my post, or your own on social media and make sure to use the handy-dandy hashtag.
Maybe squirting isn’t real in most porn, but it’s real as fuck in my bedroom.
I was pretty sure that by today, we’d discovered pretty well all the ways we can shame women. Oh well, my bad.
I remember the feeling of my first orgasm: it felt like an over-attenuated need to pee. Turns out it wasn’t. WTF is wrong with people; WTF is wrong with media. Publishing this kind of crap does not make you “Charlie”, just stoopid!
Kayla, rage on!
I know – just when I thought the world had already shamed women (and people in general) enough. Yes, I will definitely rage on. Grrrr. 😉
bravo!!!
sure, there may be a few pee molecules in the fluid…it’s a pretty small system down there (just as men who come can still have semen in their urine samples even a day later…)
Discover has admitted to creating false television “special”…mostly with faked scenes, some stretching of the truth. They are not the scientifically oriented entity that they once were (kinda like TLC isn’t *really* the learning channel anymore, thanks in part to shows like honey boo boo)…
I’m SO tired of all this shaming. As Epiphora said in her post—even if it IS pee…so what. It’s not like pissing the bed because one is incontinent…it’s (if it IS urine) is a by=product of intense stimulation and the ultimate of orgasm.
Perhaps those men who conducted the study are merely jealous–because we can come multiple, multiple times…and most gentlemen can’t.
*smug smile*
nilla
Nilla – bless you! We’ll call it ejaculate-envy! /giggles
This popped up on my Facebook feed and you were the first person I thought about. I clicked away before I could read it, but I was curious your response. I find it interesting that they take a sample size so small and give credibility to the study. Nowhere in science would that fly naturally.
Exactly. Women’s sexuality = forget all science procedures as we know it. Ugh.
Yeah, as someone who makes every character a squirter, who talks about squirting, and who squirts herself, I didn’t think I could let this one go by without some sort of response.
So called science be Damned! I Love to taste a Woman When She Cums! I’ve been involved with 3 Women Who Squirted enough to cover My Face! One was a Strong Enough to almost Drown Me! It is NOT PEE! IT is Salty and Sweet at the Same Time! Delicious! These so called “experts” need to talk to Women and Men Who Actually Taste the Different Taste of Every Woman We are With! Thanks for the Article! Great, as Usual!
Thanks, Fred! I worry that with all the women saying it’s not pee that people will think we’re being overly sensitive. Having men say emphatically that it isn’t is helpful.
Hell, I nearly drowned SSir one time because I squirted. I’m pretty sure he would have told me if it was pee, lol.
what really pisses me off is the poor woman who’s just now learning about her body, just now discovering the joys of big orgasms, and if she’s seen the headlines, she’s ashamed, holding back, and not allowing herself the pleasure of her natural orgasm.
This, so much this.
It would have been me so I know someone else out there feels the same way.
(Oh, and welcome! I’m gonna try not to squee all over you. :-D)
High Five from a fellow squirter. You preach it girl!
I only allowed myself to squirt for the first time at 40 years old and although I’m still learning to let go when I feel my orgasm coming on when I do it is amazing and I would hate to not have ever experienced that because I’d been shamed or feared into it. Shame on them and their irresponsibility in putting out such non-sense.
Exactly! If I’d let myself be convinced I was peeing (before I’d gotten to this point of being much more open with my sexuality), it might NEVER have happened.
[…] Blogger Kayla Lords wrote in response to the study: […]
I have been seeing things on twitter in regards to this so called science report. It is infuriating to see such a lame ass sample size be treated as if it has any scientific relevance. I am so over people attempting to shame women who enjoy sex and to censor what we can view.
Exactly. Its frustrating as hell! Some people will look deeper and see it for the BS that it is. But some won’t. And they’re the ones that are on my mind.
Fuck Discover Magazine, Serious science my ass. What the hell do they know anyway. The women who can and do squirt know full well that it’s real. So again Fuck them!!! Great post Kayla!!!
Thank you! This post was even quoted in a Cosmo online article a few days ago. Wild.
I was 33, and I can relate!! Lovely post, Kayla.
Ksy
I find that many women figured ourselves out in our early 30s (for that reason alone, I love my 30s, lol). I’m glad you’re in that category. 😀
[…] Top Post of January: I Will Not Be Shamed for Squirting […]
Thank you! i burst into tears the first time I had a wonderful, gushing orgasm. I was so embarAssed. My darling husband knew what happened and fixed my breakdown. Thank God I wasn’t with some idiot who would have been grossed out and cruel! I have small children- I know what pee soaked sheets look and smell like!
Exactly! I’ve changed pee sheets before – this is SO different!
And I am so glad you had someone supportive when it happened. 🙂
A few things:
1) I understand that this is a deeply personal thing, and that deeply personal things come with visceral reactions. That said, it doesn’t seem to me that you’re being any more fair in the treatment of the study than anyone who references it while declaring that squirters are all just incontinent.
2) A study size of 7 doesn’t meet criteria for making scientific generalizations about all women, but single-subject designs are perfectly valid studies for investigating phenomena.
The details:
While I agree that looking only at bladder size a few times was a choice that doesn’t give us enough information to discern the “when” of it filling up (which might have provided useful information about if, when, and to what degree Skene’s or other non-pee elements fill the bladder), it’s also problematic to dismiss the study’s findings because people have different “subjective experiences”. The findings are what they are. Our job is to look at the data and see what logical sense can be made of them.
You took a step in the right direction in noting that it’s logical that traces of urine will always be present in “squirt” and that the chemical composition logically should be different depending on the length of time between last urination, but you didn’t go as far as to meet the data head-on.
Just looking at the urinary chemical levels of the participants at the measurement times (urination before orgasm, squirting, and urination after squirting) makes it pretty clear that the chemical makeup of urine is a core component of the fluids ( http://www.improbable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/squirting-417×1024.jpg ). The one woman who had consistently low levels of UUA and UC had a comparatively large amount of PSA measured in her “squirt”.
Just simply looking at the charts should make it clear to anyone that two things were noticeable:
1) For some women, there are Skene’s/prostate emissions that mix with urinary chemicals to create “squirt” – with the ratio/composition varying from woman to woman (but being predominantly more urinary chemicals than PSA).
2) “Squirting” is the passing of urinary fluids just as peeing is. And that shouldn’t be surprising, considering how Skene’s is tied into the bladder. The question “How much of a woman’s squirt is pee?” misunderstands the facts.
There are two questions, and they’re independent of each other:
“How much of a woman’s emissions are urine at time x?” – And the answer varies for every x, depending on how her body is functioning. (See the graphs and note that some women (4) had decreasing urinary concentration at each measurement, while others (3) had varying amounts – including one woman whose urinary chemical concentrations increased at each measurement time.)
“How much of a woman’s emissions are Skene’s/prostate-generated at time x?” – And the answer varies for every x, depending on how her body is functioning.
You might want to say that you think most “squirters” are like participant 5 – low urinary chemical concentrations at all times, and high PSA in “squirt”. The data can’t support that conclusion or its opposite.
So, factually speaking, what we know is that
(1) It’s very likely that many women who squirt do have more urinary chemicals in their emissions to about the level that they have urinary chemicals in their waste/pee. That was true of all of the women, though participant 5 had a decrease in one element (uric acid) after the first measurement.
(2) It’s a fact that some women who squirt have zero or little PSA in their squirt. And it’s notable that participant 5 was the only one to have PSA during every measurement time.
We can only hazard a guess about anything else – like the number of women who are like participant 5 vs 4 vs 6 vs 2 vs 1, or what the total (non-urinary, non-PSA) chemical composition of “squirt” is for various women.
Thanks for your thoughtful comment. I don’t remember a lot from high school science (or college biology) and I’m not a scientist (the world should rejoice for that one) but what I do remember from science was that a study and the results had to be emulated before something could be stated as a fact – or, if I remember the terminology correctly, a “proven” theory. Feel free to correct me here – but all those years of science, and that’s the one thing I remember.
This one seven woman study does not mirror thousands of women’s real-life experiences. Are there some women who pee when they squirt? I’m sure there are. Are there are also women who don’t pee? I know there are. While I may not have articulated it well, my problem with the study is with the methods and the rest of the world taking its findings as fact – which of course it did because it was sensational. Those who care enough to report such “news” were able to discredit another portion of female sexuality, this time with science. And science doesn’t seem all that interested in learning more – not when there is erectile dysfunction to deal with (a worthy cause to be sure, as I enjoy it when my man feels virile). So this one study (and maybe there are more that I don’t know about) is held up as “proof” of how women’s body’s function – and I wholeheartedly disagree.
I appreciate your well thought out response, and thank you for being courteous about it. But my opinion still stands.
[…] the exception of a some awesome bloggers out there like Hey Epiphora and Kayla Lords, few people are giving female ejaculation the air time is […]
I’m a bit late to this debate, but thought I would add my two cents. I actually first learned about squirting from a Human Sexuality class in college back in the early 2000s. Our professor, who was an awesome and well educated woman I might add, explained to all of us about squirting (and this was a 200+ person lecture hall). She had some circa 1970s videos of a married couple who were sex educators. They were attempting to understand the nature of squirting and how exactly to get a woman to squirt. We got to see some close up, slow-mo videos with extensive explanations. It was definitely informative!
Flash forward a few years to when my husband and I began dating and I squirted for the first time. We were both taken by surprise but—since I had learned about this phenomenon in college—I explained to him what had happened. He obviously thought it was urine initially but was also confused because he said the fluid tasted mostly like “tangy water” or more similar to my vaginal fluids and did not smell like urine. He must be a master because I have been squirting ever since, through 14 years of marriage so far! He loves it and gets out a bunch of beach towels for the bed prior to any sexual encounter we may have. The more I squirt the more excited he gets as he has said it is the sexiest thing he has ever seen. The more towels we go through, the more successful he feels.
My point being…as a fellow squirter, maybe the way to convince people of the phenomenon of squirting is to just to get them to “join the squirt side” if you will. We ladies need to get squirting and get those men and/or other women worshipping the squirt. #Jointhesquirtside #Worshipthesquirt
[…] what? If you’re still not convinced, try reading about REAL people’s experiences of squirting. All of these reasons contribute to the silence around squirting. So, if your partner squirts, […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]
[…] Sexual Medicine concluded that the liquid is mostly just urine. When this info came out, squirters took to the internet to defend their orgasmic liquid, noting that it looks and smells nothing like urine. This onslaught […]