Daddy’s sister, L, has been in the hospital all week. She was diagnosed with cancer just a few weeks ago, and her first chemo treatment took a big toll on her. Last weekend, the family rallied together to get her to the hospital and make sure she was taken care of since she was failing and everyone was at a loss, not knowing how to help.
Daddy realized that he couldn’t continue letting other family members drive this particular train – he had to take control. It’s a good thing he did, as L’s day-to-day responsibilities like bill paying and child rearing are now being overseen by Daddy who makes those things a priority in his own life. He’ll also go to her doctor’s appointments so he understands better what’s happening with her.
What this has meant is that he’s spent a lot of time at the hospital – and rightly so. I stayed home this weekend with my two boys and L’s nine year old son, E. To the boys, it was a weekend-long campout filled with movies and video games. To me, it was a test run of what the future could look like depending on what happens with L and the decisions she makes for her family. For Daddy, it was a long weekend of worry, stress, and sadness as he watched first hand what cancer is doing to his sister and to his family.
During the week, he went to the hospital to see her after work to find out what she needs, take care of the things he knew about, and generally be a good big brother. This meant that from the time he left in the morning to go to work until the time he came home about 14 hours later, I was home with the boys, waiting and working. Not exactly a bad gig if you compare it to being in a hospital for any amount of time.
The reality is that we missed each other. It was one thing to be apart because of 440 miles of distance. It’s another thing to be apart due to duty-filled hours and exhaustion. I’ll take this any day, but we were still missing each other even as we fell in to the bed exhausted every night.
I didn’t know what to do with myself while he was gone – other than worry about how tired he was, how stressed he felt, and how I wished there was something I could do to fix it. Instead, I worked, and I took care of things at home.
I realized all I could do for him was wait patiently for his return and give him as much support as possible. It was the only way I could take care of him.
When he apologized for being gone so much, I told him there was nothing to apologize for. When he promised he’d come home early, I told him to take all the time he needed. When he double-promised he wouldn’t be late, I smiled and told him I wasn’t holding my breath – there was no way to predict what he’d find on any given afternoon when he arrived to see his sister.
It’s my job to hold the fort down so that he has one less thing to worry about. I’d rather his focus be on his sister when he’s with her, and on attempting to relax when he’s at home with us.
He mentioned at one point how much he’d love some homemade cookies earlier this week. I wasn’t sure if I could fit it in as I’d become insanely busy all of a sudden, so I told him I would try. Talking to my mom later that day, I realized that if that’s all he asked of me with everything going on, I could give the man cookies. She agreed completely. He’s had two batches of homemade cookies this week. My waistline doesn’t love it, but he deserves as much care and love as I can provide, even if it’s in the form of a cookie.
When he mentioned he wanted an adult day/night out this weekend, and he didn’t care about the cost, I knew I had to put my fears about unknown babysitters to the side. No, I’m not willing to take any crazy person off the side of the street and let them watch the boys, but I couldn’t procrastinate anymore. Moving heaven and earth, I looked for a babysitter in a city full of strangers.
This isn’t strictly a D/s thing or a vanilla thing. It’s a love thing. If more people took care of the ones they love when they need it most, the world would probably be a much better place.
I can’t change what’s happening. I have no sage advice to offer. Frankly, Daddy may be tired of what I do tell him because I’ve seen three family members die of terminal illnesses. But I can love him, help him, and above all, take care of him.
Our thoughts and prayers are with you all during this trying time. And miss Kayla- you’re a good girl for doing all of what you do… Just being you. Let us know what we can do to help too?
-Mynx & TW
If I knew, I would tell you, I promise. Thank you.
Hopefully this afternoon and tonight with Mary Lou at the munch and the club will help soothe him a bit – or least help him unwind.
Peace to him. I’ve watched a family member or two suffer through and die from terminal illness so I know it’s a rough time. I also pray for peace for you! Energy and love so you can continue offering support.
Thank you. We’re adjusting to the new norm. And looking forward to an afternoon/night out today. 🙂
Kayla, my heart goes out to all of you. I can tell you from 30 years of experience in a happy marriage, it’s all about being there and giving yourself to the ones you love. The rest is just icing on the cake. I am keeping all of you in my prayers.
Thank you. He’s a tough man, and the family (I think) is finally seeing that side of him. It’s a hard moment in life, but a pivotal one. I’m glad I can be here to support and love him.
Cancer preying on a lot of people globally. Wish your sister [assuming that is how you see her] a speedy recovery. You are doing a marvelous job! Take care : )
Yes it is. And I kind of do see her that way – even though we’ve only known one another for a very short time. It’s not that we’re close, but he loves her so I do, too.
Kayla, you’re doing fine. Lovely. your heart is in the right places. Just keep on being there for him. Do all the little things that will help ground him and support him. The experiences that you will go though in the next few weeks/months, will be frustrating and yet, they will hone your relationship in a way that nice and easy going never will.
Know that you have our love, Good Energy Blasts, thoughts and prayers. He has our phone numbers if either one of you wants to talk. Sometimes things fall in our laps and we don’t realize just how wonderful life can be until you have to deal with a struggle. I believe that You two are together for a reason, and working through this is just part of it.
Lots and lots of hugs and love!
Wordwytch and Wolf
Thank you. ((HUGS))
Everything happens for a reason and at the exact moment it should. I hate that they’re going through this, but I am so glad I can be here instead of 440 miles away.
Oh Kayla, what a blessing you are. Lots of our life isn’t “strictly” D/s yet it is, because we are serving the one we love. You have arrived in this family at the right time. Bake your Sir cookies and be there as his vessel. He has a treasure in you 🙂
I figure I’m the luckiest woman in the world to have him in my life…the least I can do is give him everything I have to offer. 🙂
Sending prayers for support
Thank you. It’s appreciated. We’re doing better than before, and hopefully, we’ll eventually be better than we are today.
Kayla, take it from a sister who has brothers who are not with her when she needs them the most. What you are doing to help your Sir is invaluable, not just to your Sir but to his sister as well. You are not just supporting your Sir but you are supporting his sister too by unselfishly sharing your Sir with her. His sister is very lucky to have you and your Sir to support her through this difficult time. Cancer is far more than just a disease, it doesn’t just destroy the body, it can destroy our emotional well being if we allow it. It can tear us down to the point we give up on living and it attacks those doubly hard who do not have people around them supporting them and helping them through this tough time. Keep an eye on your Sir, and find ways to help him not overwork or over worry himself. He will be torn between trying to help his sister and be there for you and the children. Do what you are doing, take up what you can, and let things go which don’t need to be done now. There isn’t anything more important than taking care of our loved ones, unless it is something that gets in the way of us doing so. I have people ask me all the time what they can do to help and just the other day, I told someone that what some people don’t realize is that just a phone call of someone calling and checking up on me, asking how I am means a lot, and can pick up someone and restore their energy with just that simple act. I bet just telling your Sir that you love him does a lot to restore his energy. Sometimes it is the simplest things that help the most. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends you need them and take some time for yourself. Don’t ignore what you need to restore your own energy or you won’t be able to help your Sir. Cancer changes a person’s life forever. They will never look at life the same again. Help your Sir to understand that so he can help his sister emotionally to deal with this. What most people don’t understand is once a person is diagnosed with cancer it will be a presence for the rest of their life. It will take years before a person can be sure it is gone and no matter how much a doctor tells them it is gone they cannot guarantee it won’t come back. That fear will be with his sister for the rest of her life. It may diminish over the years but it will be there every time a test is done or an examination is done. She will need family and friends to not treat her as though she is at deaths door or that she is a patient. She is a human being who just happens to have cancer. She will need people who will listen to how she feels and not tell her she shouldn’t feel that way. It is important she allow herself to feel the emotions and then let them go. Every person is different, I speak from my own personal experience. I craved knowledge so I researched and I learned, some people don’t want that and just want to rely on the doctors. The hardest part in supporting someone is to allow them to choose the course especially if that course is contrary to what you feel the person should do. Remember it is her life and her body, she is the one who will know best what she needs. Encourage her to listen to her instincts and what her body tells her. I apologize for such a long comment, I however felt it important to pass this along to you and whoever reads the comments. I’ve experienced cancer from the perspective of a friend and family member trying to support them and now as a person diagnosed with cancer and no matter how much I knew as a supporter of a friend, it never came close to understanding how they felt as the person with cancer until I was diagnosed with it myself. I know my friends really don’t understand except for one I know who had cancer and today so far is cancer free. She is also a single parent and understands the additional fears and challenges a single parent faces. If you ever want to talk or have a question and would like the perspective of someone dealing with cancer and you don’t want to talk to your Sir’s sister, feel free to contact me. If I am able I will answer honestly. Take care of yourself, your Sir and your family. Much love to you and your family, my heart reaches out to you.
Thank you for this absolutely heartfelt response. ((((HUGS))))
Cancer, unfortunately, is nothing new to my family, but for SSir, it’s not something he’s had to deal with on this level. He’s finding his way, and I do what I can. His sister is leaning on him a lot, and I don’t blame her. I just remind him to lean into me a bit when he feels overwhelmed. We’re working our way through it all, and I know there are some really hard days ahead. I just offer love and support, and that’s all anyone can do. Well, it’s what people should do – sometimes the family we make is better than the family we’re born with. (((HUGS)))