There’s probably some rule some where that says I’m not supposed to admit that I need approval. And before anyone gets themselves twisted up about how I shouldn’t need anyone’s approval ever, let me explain.
A few truths…
I care what people think about me.
I want to be liked. I’m not actively seeking a big group of friends (it’s not in my introverted-nature to do that) but I don’t want to be disliked, either.
I need to hear that I did get a good job, that someone’s impressed with me, etc.
A few different truths…
I don’t let other people’s impressions of me stop me from what I want to do. It just means I don’t talk about it with them.
If I’m not liked, I don’t lose sleep over it, and I don’t think too much about it.
I do my best for myself and not for any praise I might receive.
Is that complicated enough for you?
I have no idea if these are submissive traits or if they’re specific only to me. But I do think they play a large part in my submission to Daddy and how I interact with the rest of the world.
Daddy is the only person who’s approval truly matters to me anymore. I would never want to alienate anyone, but I’m also not out to please the world. There was a time (before Daddy) that might not have been true.
I can remember getting twisted up in knots whenever I needed to make a decision, big or small.
Should I wear those shorts? What would people think if they saw me dressed this way? And by “people” I mean strangers in the grocery store.
I can never go without a bra. My boobs would flop around and I just know people will stare.
I have to work a “normal” job, don’t I? It’s irresponsible of me to put what I want before a steady paycheck and what the boys need. Isn’t it?
Should I do this? Can I do that? What will people think of this, that or the other?
It’s fucking exhausting walking around like that. And I had no idea how exhausting until I stopped. That’s right. I stopped.
There’s only one person who’s approval matters anymore. Daddy.
If he likes the shorts I’m wearing (even if my ass is hanging out of them), I wear them – and I almost dare people to have an opinion.
He says, “No bra” and I say, “Thank you!” I might feel weird with my boobs swaying freely, but I also feel relaxed and confident.
I don’t work a normal job, and I’m practically a domesticated woman with the amount of cleaning, cooking, and errand-running I now do during “working” hours, and I don’t care if anyone has an opinion about giving up my lucrative (but soul-sucking) career.
I crave one man’s approval, and only one man. If he’s happy, I’m happy. Thankfully, my happiness matters to him almost more than his own. I don’t need to worry about what strangers think of me. All I need is the occasional “Good girl” and life is good.
I’m finally able to channel all my people-pleasing, approval-craving ways towards one person. I don’t know if my vanilla world has figured out the difference in me yet – or if they ever will. But I know their approval no longer matters to me, and I’m happier, healthier, and saner because of it. I also wear shorter shorts and no bra more often than ever before. 😉
You are beautiful.
Own your confidence.
On the other hand, I completely understand the people-pleasing part and it is exhausting.
I was lucky enough to be a stay at home mom for 7 years, and there is something that always felt naughty about being out and about during work hours. Embrace it!
14 days countdown
I love the countdown. 🙂
It does feel naughty…I like naughty. 😉
You go miss Kayla! Knowing you for a moment IRL showed us the “little” firecracker of a woman who’s personality is larger than life, and who’s devotion to your Daddy (Mr Brownstone) is nothing short of exemplary. Mynx and I applaud the submissive woman you are and have become. Perhaps you’re complex but not complicated, not by any measure.
Stay true to who you are, strive to live what you (and your Daddy) want to become, and love passionately. Know that this kinky couple loves you as you are, and we can’t wait to see you and MrB- soon!
You’re awesome! 😉
-Tom Wolf (Mynx’s Sir)
Awwww! Thank you, Sir!
Daddy and I have discussed that I’ve changed since we first met and changed since the move. I’m happy with all of the changes – they feel natural. And I do feel more myself than I ever have before. I don’t think I’ve ever been described in quite the terms you use – but I like it. 😀
TaDa! Give me a high five! I bet you walk with a new confidence too. This made me smile, and I bet John Brownstone has a permanent smile on his face these days.
Gosh, I hope he does. 😀
Ya know, I don’t know if I do. Probably so. I know I used to watch people more to check their reactions to what I was doing, and I don’t do that anymore (although I’m still an avid people-watcher).
So glad it’s all working out for you Kayla. All you need to worry about is you and your beautiful family. Enjoy having the time to take care of them. Seems to me, your priorities are exactly as they should be. Keep loving and pleasing that man of yours.
That is definitely the plan! 🙂
Your confidence about wanting approval is Awesome! Most people are afraid to ask for approval, because someone might not approve! I have seen you name approving of other authors and places, like Upworthy, and that makes them important to me! Thank You Very Much!
And I’m glad you approve! LOL
when you hit that point where the rest of the world can just go fly a kite…it’s TOTALLY freeing. 😀
I go braless a lot (it’s GOOD for the girls, it really, truly is, but I won’t rant on that here. :D)…but it’s just *that* much more delicious when it’s at HIS order, isn’t it?
I felt both naughty and like a good girl to be bralass in public. It was WONDERFUL!
And it is completely freeing to not care. Enjoy your time with your Master, by the way! Can’t wait to read the follow up posts!!! ((HUGS))