We’re kinky bastards here at my house…his house…our house (that sounds better, doesn’t it?). With packing, moving, unpacking, and dealing with real life, we’ve found very little time for the kinky fuckery we desperately crave, but a little something is better than a whole lot of nothing.
Sometimes our kink has nothing to do with sex. Sometimes our kink is simply the lifestyle we want to live. He’s Daddy, and I’m babygirl. Sometimes he’s Sir and I’m pet. I’ve spent my entire adult life pretending I didn’t need anyone. It’s tiring, in case you wondered – fighting against who you are every minute of the day simply because there’s no one worthy to know that side of you, and no one strong enough to handle it.
Daddy, I imagine, spent most of his life pretending he didn’t need to be needed. Hell, he didn’t even know he was a Daddy Dom until he met me. From what I can tell, he’s been surrounded by strong-willed women his entire life. Not that I’m not strong-willed (He’d laugh at the idea that I might suggest otherwise). But it’s different between the two of us.
When there’s no time or desire for sex (shocking from us this soon, I know, but it happened), we still have our roles to fall back on. And I have never been more grateful for them than I have in the past several days…
The stress of living a chaotic life with little to no routine took a toll. The anxiety at watching the money I was desperately trying to save get spent for too many damn good reasons – $700 for the moving truck, anyone? – made me sick to my stomach. The fear of this whole thing being too good to be true, that I was somehow unworthy of it, that I would fail at this new life that I’d been dreaming of for months – well, that just made me crazy.
I couldn’t handle pain. The slightest nibble or pinch from Daddy, and I nearly cried. Pain wasn’t the cleansing thing I needed it to be; it was an additional stressor that I couldn’t handle.
I was sassy, almost bratty, when I spoke to him. I forgot to ask. I forgot to defer. I was sarcastic and biting – a defense mechanism I’ve had for years.
I cried at the drop of a hat. I looked for problems where none existed. I worried, fretted, and generally made myself nuts.
And there was Daddy. Loving, guiding, firm Daddy. He took me roughly at midnight because he could – and I felt better. He took me to the club, strapped me to the St. Andrew’s Cross and used spanking torture devices to redden my skin and clear my mind. I felt sexual and sensuous. When I sobbed into his chest that I just wished the noise in my head would shut up, he pulled me across his knee and spanked my ass until it burned and then he became almost feral as he fucked me. I slept well that night, temporarily free from tossing and turning.
The doubts, worries, fears, and stress are all still there. But they’re dimmer, a bit quieter. I’m finding my way through this new life, slowly and with a bit of uncertainty. I remind myself that if something we try doesn’t work (I’ve never made dinner this many nights in a row in my life, y’all!), we’ll adjust. Our happiness isn’t governed by how much money I earn or whether I become little Holly Homemaker. Our happiness is determined by our love and trust in each other, our willingness to communicate, and our mutual desire for own personal brand of kink.
He’s Daddy, and I’m babygirl.
Welcome to Wicked Wednesday! This week’s prompt was “Your Kink’s Not My Kink, and That’s Ok.” And I completely agree. My little addition to the conversation is more about our personal kink as we move through this strange, wonderful, new life together.
This is really lovely. The warmth and caring just oozes from your words. I don’t know that I’ll ever end up exploring that submissive lifestyle again, but I am a wee little bit envious of how it must be for you both. In the best way.
I don’t know if you’re submissive or not but I know it takes the right person at the right time to pull it out of any of us. Maybe you aren’t, but if you are, you’ll never even have the desire to submit if he’s not the right one.
really great ‘daddy and daughter’ relationship !
So good to hear the “were together” stories now instead I miss Daddy ones! ;D
Life as you knew it is gone, and you both will find your way and rhythm. I know you guys will be blissfully happy, enjoy these moments, as it’s the trials and tribulations, and how you deal with them that help form the foundation of your relationship.
Love and hugs to you both, Mynx
It’s so nice to write these kinds of stories now. 🙂
I feel us growing stronger each day, the bond tighter. He’s stuck with me now. 🙂
Give yourself some time to adjust and don’t be so hard on yourself. In time all the kinks (pun intended) will work their way out. You have an incredible man that’s there to guide you. Take it one day at a time and stop at the end of the day and reflect. I do that and I realize I might have missed some wonderful things had I not taken the time to stop and review my day. Hope your ac is fixed. Looking forward to more loving ,sexy. Happy posts from both of you! Robin
I like the idea of reflecting on the day…that makes sense to me.
I’m 34, and I think I’ve been hard on myself since birth…old habits die hard, lol. That being said, it is becoming easier, slowly but surely.
Putting on my psychologist hat – moving and committing to a new relationship are two of the top stressors you can have! Keep that in mind as you navigate the new terrain. Sounds like you’ve found some stellar coping mechanisms. 😉
Oh, and because I like a challenge, I added the third biggest stressor – changing careers.
If we keep having wild nights like last night, I won’t have any noise left in my head to bother me…hmmm, THAT sounds like a GREAT idea! Oh, Daddy….;)
Kayla, isn’t it so good to have the dynamic when you feel like that? It is 100 times better than the old way of feeling stressed and freaked out with no other hope of coming down. I always hated riding out the wave but now mine is solved much like yours has been. It ISN’T about the sex (which I hope doesn’t go away soon!) but it is about the structure.
Hugs and hand squeezes! Loving the new story unfolding. And need to hear more about the club!
We’re still figuring it all out, but I think we both need the dynamic…he needs to be in charge and setting tasks, and I need structure, discipline…and the kinky sex and spankings, too! 🙂
I don’t think I could go back to having to ride it out on my own, even though I never thought of it that way – it was just how life was when I got stressed. I find it harder to wrap my head around the idea that I *don’t* have to do that anymore.
I knew it wouldn’t be like a light switch being flipped and both of us falling into our roles. It has been a gradual easing into. We are learning one another, growing and our roles being defined.
The best part of it all though I when I say good-bye in the morning I know I will be coming home to you.
Well, you knew more than I did, Daddy. I thought that part would be easy…I had no idea that I could feel UNsubmissive with you…and I didn’t like it!
The best parts of my day are the “good morning” and when you come home. And you make me think of this:
I love you, Daddy.
Love that song and I love you, and yes I am the man who wakes up next to you 😀
Awe…. Your guys are so cute! Sorry couldn’t resist! ;D
It was about time someone said it. 😉
😀 And I’m a very lucky woman because of it.
Lol. Feeling “unsubmissive”. Yep. Submission can be hard WORK sometimes.
Never underestimate the security in that feeling SSir, just knowing someone is there waiting for you 🙂
[…] this Kayla had her own stresses, the first few days she was not very submissive, as she mentioned here her pain tolerance was non-existent. With everything going on I knew it was not the time to push to […]
You have been looking forward to this for so long and it will take some adjustments, but your love for each other is there to strengthen you and pull you through, that much is clear 🙂
🙂 Yes, you’re right, it will. I’m just an impatient girl who wants it all to happen NOW. LOL
Everyone wishes we could have a Kinky Life like the 2 of you! You write amazing articles!
Awww! Thanks! Just writing from the heart. It took a long time to get to this point… 🙂
If it wasn’t hard at times, it wouldn’t be real and it wouldn’t really be submission.
But what I love about you two is that you keep it real. You have a partnership. The kinky is the icing on the cake… not the whole cake like so many I read online.
What I hear is you two giving what the other one NEEDS. not just wants.
I know that you two got this!
((HUGS)) Thank you, honey! XOXO
You’ve said it exactly right – kinky is the icing on the cake. Mmmm, icing…mmm, cake…wait…what were we talking about? /giggles
You me and my man have now been living together for just about 2 years and although we are mostly all there, there are still times, still outside pressures that affect us and what we do. Trust in each other and trust in your lifestyle and it will all work out in the end.
I wish you so well together.
ooops the first part if the first sentence does not read right!!! It should read:-
“You know me and my man….”
And you’re right – it comes down to trust in ourselves and our life. I’m getting there – I just get too far down in my head sometimes. I probably wouldn’t be submissive if that didn’t happen, lol.
[…] was my new life – Daddy and me (sans children for a short while). I couldn’t handle pain. I […]