Size Doesn’t Matter #Dominance and #Submission

If you think I’m going to talk about cock size, think again. For the record, that size doesn’t matter either. Knowing what to do with everything you have isย all that matters. Frankly, there are times when Daddy doesn’t need to fuck me at all, and I’m a happy girl. Hell, sometimes he doesn’t fuck me, and he’s a happy man.

I’m talking about the physical size of the Dominant. None of you would know this because I’ve never posted any pictures, but Daddy and I are the exact same height. In heels, especially the boots he likes me to wear, I tower over him. We’re about the same size in all ways – I can wear his pajama bottoms very comfortably, and his slippers are just a tad too tight (but I’ve got big feet).

This was actually a big deal to me in the beginning. I spent a lot of time in my head wondering if we would work because I firmly believed a man, especially my Dominant, needed to be taller than me. I needed to be physically smaller in order to feel submissive. God, sometimes I’m an idiot.

One of the few times I let him know how much it upset me, he looked me in the eyes and without a word, wrapped his fingers in my hair, forcing me to my knees next to him. He looked down at me. “Who’s taller now, babygirl?” I have a vague memory of breathing a “You are” at him. (Hands in hair, forced submission, kneeling? Yeah, everything was fuzzy after that.)

I don’t worry about our matched height when we’re together anymore. I like being able to look directly into his eyes. I like knowing that we’re perfectly matched when we lay side by side – everything just fits like a glove.

I still fidget a bit when I’m wearing shoes that make me taller than Daddy. He has to tell me to wear heels. I hate being taller when we’re out in public. I want it to be clear who’s in charge. Somewhere along the way, I’ve confused height with authority.

He doesn’t worry or care, though. He knows it doesn’t matter which of us is taller. He has a quiet confidence that people are drawn to. He knows I’m his, and it doesn’t matter that I’m temporarily taller. He’s keenly aware of who’s in control, and if for a moment I forget, he reminds me – even when we’re in public. Mmmm, I love his “reminders” in public.

Size doesn’t make the man or the Dominant. Dominants and submissives come in all shapes and sizes – big or small, tall or short. And frankly, Daddy is perfect for me in all ways, height included.

About the author

Kayla Lords

I am a sex blogger, podcaster, freelance writer, international speaker, kink educator, and all-around kinky woman. You can find me online sharing my innermost sexual thoughts and experiences, teaching other bloggers how to make money writing about sex, and helping kinksters have happy healthy BDSM relationships. I'm also a masochistic babygirl submissive with an amazing and sadistic Daddy Dom and business partner, John Brownstone. Welcome to my kinky corner of the internet!


  • I got such a big grin imagining you being brought down to ‘size’ by your D. Good job! Great piece!

  • Excellent point Kayla. At first I also confused height with dominance. I’m sure I even commented about it somewhere. Actually, it might have been here… LOL. I now realize that dominance has nothing to do with height (or really even physical appearence, but hey I’m human, and I do have a “type” LOL) and everything to do with the mind. Thank you for this ๐Ÿ™‚

    P.S. Love the hair fisting and forced kneeling.. very effective.

    • Very effective indeed. ๐Ÿ™‚

      I think a lot of us have this image in our mind of what a D is supposed to look like…it’s sort of refreshing to have to change our perception.

  • a great post.

    You say everything I feel. I’m not tall–so in my sneakers, Master is taller than me. However, the *smallest* heel he allows me to wear is 6″…which brings me right to His eye level. In the 6.5 pair I’m almost a wee nudge taller. It made me a bit squirmy too. And we had a little …correction…similar to yours. Yes, it doesn’t take height to make the Man. Just that calm, quiet, FIRM confidence. And the strongest fucking hands I’ve ever felt. ๐Ÿ˜€


  • It’s interesting the thoughts we have about the way things “should” be. I’ve always felt that way about age. No way could a partner be younger than me, and even being my age was often an issue. Older, they should be older. MySir is only three months less a day older than I (I know, I’m neurotic at times), and A was 17 years less a month younger. That took a while to get past but once I did I realized how much I had limited myself.

  • Hi Kayla !
    Same with my husband and I : he’s only a few centimetres higher than me, but we both know that it’s not important, because he’s the strongest man (in his head) I’ve ever met. Some people, who didn’t know him, have learned to their expense how strong he is. You’re right : strength and dominance are a matter of mind, not of height or muscles. My husband doesn’t want me to wear high heels, but he’s also s.o. with a self confidence that always puzzles me.
    Have a great week-end,

  • Ok, this was SO SWEET!!!!! (Great thoughts too, but what struck me was the sweetness first.) I loved the hair, kneel, eyes…..mmmmm. I so love that kind of reminder of anything at all. ( I just shared that with Mr. HH beside me. He laughed and said “ok.”:( )

  • “he looked me in the eyes and without a word, wrapped his fingers in my hair, forcing me to my knees next to him.”

    Reading that makes me weak inside and I melted- well I do when it happens to me-

    And this is a great write up.

  • Being all of 5′ 7″ tall I am far from a giant of a man, yet in my immediate family I am the tallest of both my parents and siblings.
    Size is not indicative of strength or power in any way.
    I’m not going to blow my own horn but I will say from the times I have spent in the local Dungeon I have seen Domme’s who one would look at as just a little “slip of a thing” (no disrespect intended) that have sub which tower over them yet when their Domme speaks they listen.

    It is really about the respect, that quiet strong command, and wielding said power correctly.

    • You’re large in my mind…and I feel small when I’m with you…and I love it.

      I can think of a distinct switch who is teeny tiny and just whacked her switch/submissive at the club that one time.

      You do a good job as a Dominant and Daddy. I couldn’t imagine anyone else. ((HUGS))

      • Dear SSir and Kayla,

        YESSS ! Husband is also 5 ‘ 7 ” , like you, Sir ! (I’ve made the conversion cm/feet, thanks to Google)
        5 ‘ 7 ” of strength.
        But Dominants also seem to have a brain that works flawlessly, a cold glance that sees everything, and stops you in your tracks.

        Intelligence also makes it all ! And that’s sssso sexy !

        hugs hugs hugs

    • I’m all of 5’4″ and my boys all tower over me but let Mom get mad and big strapping boys hit the door like rats on a sinking ship. You are both right in that it isn’t the size but the presence that matters. I live in the land of giants with everyone nearing or towering over 6’…me on a tear is evidently scary to even their friends. Now, Mr. HH is physically very intimidating, but that’s not what pulls ME up straight. All he needs is The Look and a hand to my neck. Physical size is not the intimidator, strength of will is. His will is mighty and I know it. (Physically I could probably take him because I’m wriggly like that, but I wouldn’t dare try it again.)

        • The more he wields it, the more it gets me too. He’ll be dangerous when he finally realizes how much and fast it gets me. It’s growing by leaps and bounds. I almost find myself wanting to pull back because it so overwhelms me sometimes. Like yesterday. OH god!

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